


Out Of The Ashes - Post Mockingjay

by Mockingjaysong92



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-Mockingjay, everlark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:41:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 50,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5187341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mockingjaysong92/pseuds/Mockingjaysong92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world has ended. Nothing else matters anymore. She's dead. She's gone. Prim is dead. </p>
<p>Katniss Everdeen has returned home to District 12, but she is crushed by Prim's death. Can anything ever bring her back? What about when Peeta returns? Will she let him in? What happens in between the "Real" and the epilogue of Suzanne Collins Mockingjay, book three of the Hunger Games? I was inspired to write this because I was thirsty, as many are, for more about what happened to Everlark's story. I tried my best to continue in the same writing style. Thanks so much for looking and I hope you enjoy my work! Don't forget Kudos if you liked this. Thanks so much fellow Hunger Games Fans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One -  Recovering

Chapter 1 

 

I sit staring at the fire wrapped in a blanket, soaked with sweat but the warmth is the only comfort I have now. I don't do anything anymore. Greasy Sae sits in the kitchen and looks over to me. "You should go outside girl."  
That's not going to happen. All I can will myself to do is lay in front of the fire and eat the food Sae cooks me along with the pills that are supposed to help. Nothing matters anymore...now that she is gone. I feel like I died with Prim, and the rest of me is just frozen in time, existing but not living. My nightmares have only gotten worse. Some nights I just stay up because the pain is too much.

When I first arrived four months ago Buttercup found me, after everything he survived, he was scratched up and his face was sunken in, but somehow he managed his way back. He hissed at me and wailed for Prim but I was too upset I just screamed at him.  
"She's dead! She's dead you stupid cat!" and then I finally collapsed to the floor sobbing. That was the first time that cat offered me any kind of affection so I held him until we both fell asleep. 

When Peeta arrived, Buttercup started sleeping at his house, I think he likes everyone but me. I remember the day when Peeta arrived. It was four months after I was sent here. I was lying by the fire when I heard a shovel outside that woke me from a terrible nightmare where I was being buried alive with all those who died. So I forced myself to get up and wander outside to inspect the strange sound. I froze when I saw him. He was planting something with tiny thorns. The word rose registered in my head, and I was ready to start screaming obscenities at him, when I realized it was primrose that he was planting around his house. He had a wheel barrel, he must have found them in the woods. It felt like spring out. He turned to look at me, "Hey, Dr. Aurelius just said I could come back and he says to tell you he can't go on pretending he's treating you forever, you have to pick up the phone."

I give a curt nod and stare at the flower bushes.

"I thought I'd plant them for her" he said.  
He had a sad smile on his face and I knew he meant Prim. He looked well, a little thin but the clouded tortured look in his eyes was gone. Then his face turned into a perplexing frown. He looked like he was seeing a stranger. Realizing I hadn't showered in months I bit my lip and ran inside panting and clutched onto the counter, my heart started to race. I let the tears come. I'm in as much shock as he is. And questions swarm in my mind. 

Why is he here? Is he stable? Is he going to hurt me? No he can't. Does he still love me? Will I ever have the Peeta I love back in my arms?   
I pushed these thoughts aside and forced myself to look in the bathroom mirror upstairs. No wonder Peeta looked so shocked, my hair is a tangled mess and my skin is peeling and flaking off. I tore off my clothes and scrubbed in the shower for an hour. When I got out my skin felt raw. After smothering the cream for my skin on I combed my hair for what felt like forever. I was lost in thought. I couldn't understand how I was feeling. A part of me was dying to run into his arms and talk for hours. But another stronger part of me would not allow that to happen, didn't want that to ever happen, and I couldn't figure out why. Finally late that night it hit me. I was scared. I was scared that if I let him in, I would loose him. Hadn't that happened to everybody else I had loved? Prim, my father, Gale who now is in 2. I couldn't afford to loose Peeta. He is all I have. And I think I'd die if anything took him away. So I can't let him in, I can never.

So I haven't spoken to him since the day he arrived. 

He comes over though every morning and says hello and sits with me, as Sae fixes breakfast for us. I just sit there staring at the ground, mourning the fact that I can't talk to the only person I have left, as I clutch the pearl he gave me in the quell in my pocket. That pearl is the only thing that kept me sane when I was in 13 and holding it now is the closest thing I can have of Peeta. I cherish it.   
Haymich came with me to 12 and comes over occasionally to check on me. He was my mentor after all, I guess he still cares, but I can't think of anything to say to him either. My life feels so pointless, I'm so tired of the pain, of waking up screaming from nightmares of Peeta dying, thinking of all those who did died and left me behind.   
I remember something Peeta said when we were hiding in a basement in the Capital. He had a flashback and told me he was tired, and it was so much more than just being physically tired. I'm experiencing the same thing now I think. I'm tired emotionally, from life, from the pain. I feel like there is only one way out of this, so I make my way down stairs and pick up a knife from the kitchen drawer tentatively. Peeta said once in the Capital that digging his wrists into those handcuffs helped him cope, come back, I decide to try the same thing with a different objective though. I sink to the floor trying to convince myself that I can do this and run it against my skin. I watch the blood run down my wrists, but I can't take it, the sight of blood, so I stop and grab my wrist trying to stop the blood. But it just smears on my hand. The tears start to flow and I decide to give up. This was a bad idea. I lay on the floor dizzy, awaiting death that I know won't come, but who knows. The room spins and the last thing I remember is a blur of light. 

"Katniss! Katniss!"   
I hear footsteps faintly and eventually see Peeta's face comes into view. He's stroking my face in a fuzzy haze.   
"Katniss look at me, oh thank goodness, I thought I'd lost you!" He cries as he pulls my limp body close.  
He holds me and carries me to the couch. He stares at me for a bit before he speaks again.  
"Why did you do this?" He picks up my wrists in his hands. His brow is creased, as he looks disappointedly at me.  
"I can't live like this...the pain, it's too much, I'm so tired of it, I can't go on, I am so alone." I'm feeling dizzy and realize this is the first thing I've said to him since he's been back.  
He puts his finger under my chin looking at me intensely.  
"Katniss you don't have to be alone, I'm here. I want to help. And harming yourself doesn't take away the pain, only time does." 

I'm so happy to see him, to hear him talk, he makes me feel alive. Then I feel myself break out in a sweat and I try to pull away terrified breathing heavily.  
"I can't be close to you, I'll lose you like I've lost everyone else, I've lost everything! Everything's gone...she's dead"

He holds me and my tears soak his shirt. I give in to his arms that feel so good and I start those choking sounds I get when I sob. When I tire myself out I start to quietly moan. My eyes are closed but I feel Peeta back up, kiss my head, and set it on a pillow. And he starts cleaning my wrists. It hurts but I've felt worse. When I open my eyes I see that he's still beside me, so it's not a dream I was having.  
"I wanted to talk to you. . ." I say in a feeble voice that doesn't sound my own.   
Peeta stops and looks at me and leans forward holding my face forcing me to stare into his blue eyes.  
"Look, your okay, and I'm not going to go anywhere, it's gonna be okay, trust me, and don't you ever do anything like this again you hear?"   
He says the last part so stern but sad at the same time, like he'd die if I disobeyed his words, if anything happened to me.  
"Okay... I'm sorry" 

Peeta goes back to cleaning my wrists and I watch him, he looks so concerned and I wonder if it would hurt him as much as it would me if anything happened to him. He cleans the floor and lights the fire before he is next to me again. It's dark now and I expect Peeta to leave for his house but he just sits by me stroking my hair as he holds me tight. It feels so good I don't ever want him to let go. I feel like I've been starving for this moment my whole life and want to stay in his arms, safe, forever.   
"Thanks for finding me." I say  
"I said that to you in the first hunger games real or not real?" He grins.   
"Real, you remember that?"  
"I was so happy then...seeing you come for me, a lot of those memories were twisted with the hijacking into something horrible, but I'm starting to get them back "  
I sigh and rest my head on his chest muttering, "Stay with me..." before I fall into a dreamless sleep hearing the word "always" repeat in my head intoxicated by Peetas warmth and smell.


	2. Two

CHAPTER 2

 

I wake up late, it's been a long time since I've slept that well. I sit up and realize Peeta's gone. Was it all a dream? Him coming to me last night? When I look down I notice that my wrists are bandaged. It was real. I'm glad he came to me.  
I decide to get up, stretch, and look out the window. It must be autumn now and the air is warm and sweet with the leaves just starting to change an array of bright colors. I love the fall and harvest time, it's my favorite time of year and I'm jolted back to the harvest festival before the quell- the beginning of the war, the death and I squeeze my eyes shut to kill the memories that flood back. "I'm okay I'm okay I'm in district 12 with Peeta. He's keeping me alive right now. I'll get better, it will get better, it will get better" I take a deep breath and hear the door open,   
"Your awake" Peeta smiles holding a fresh loaf of bread. He looks like my Peeta, those bright sparkling blue eyes on me feel like morphing in my veins.   
"Yeah, just."  
"I hope your hungry I made us a nice hearty nut bread for breakfast." He says.  
I sit at the table as he cuts me a slice and sits down to join me.   
"We should get out of this house" Peeta says.  
I crinkle my nose.  
"Oh come on, you've been cooped up all summer "   
I nod and bite into the bread, its still warm and tastes so good. All my senses feel renewed now that Peeta's back in my life, it feels so good, yet my fears of loosing him haunt me and gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach that ironically makes me want to hold him.

We make our way to the woods and I realize the fence is gone, a memory of my old life- slipping under the fence with Gale, he's gone now has his own life. I notice a large plaque by the meadow and go to look at it. A tribute to all those who died, a mass grave. I shake the nightmares that haunt me from my thoughts and I focus on my destination. I decide to lead him to the lake. I haven't exerted myself this much in a while so I need to rest frequently. Laying against a tree beside Peeta I wonder what he's thinking, his brow is furrowed, so I decide to ask.  
"What's the matter Peeta? You look worried."  
He looks at the ground "You know last night how you said you were scared?"  
I nod biting my lip.   
"Well, I'm scared too, I'm haunted by nightmares of me killing you and then not being able to get you back, it terrifies me, that I'm going to loose it and hurt you"   
He looks so sad I think he's going to cry. Before I can think of something to say he looks at me again and speaks,  
"But I need you Katniss and you sort of said last night you need me too, so I think we should stay together, and just help each other with our fears and the grief. And somehow I know we'll be okay. Do you think you could trust me with that?" 

I smile, Peeta has said all the things I've been secretly wanting but couldn't put to words. I grab his hand, "That's what we do, we protect each other"   
Peeta looks at me and holds me as if I'm so fragile I'll break if he's not careful. I guess he's afraid that I'll shut him out again. I don't blame him. But I'll do anything not to push him away again so I lean in to reassure him and hold his face and kiss him full on the mouth. It is he first time I've kissed him in months. I realize how starved I've been for his lips on mine. For human closeness. He shudders at first but then relaxes and kisses me back warmly like the way he used to, and puts his arms around me holding me tighter. I feel stirring in my chest and feel as if I never want to be pulled apart from his embrace. So I kiss him over and over numb to the world. But then Peeta pulls back and rests his head on mine. 

"I need you too Peeta, we'll be okay" I pause before I whisper, "Stay with me."   
I'm surprised how he tenses up and I remember how he did that in the tunnels of the Capital and I said those words that comfort me so to him. I kissed him hard and long until he came back to me. So I grip his hands until he relaxes and give him a light kiss.   
"Always" He smiles finally.  
He looks more tired than I've ever seen him since he's been back in 12.   
"Peeta I'm sorry"   
"It's okay, that was one of my favorite memories, when you held my hand that night but they.... " he can't look at me he just puts his head in his hands like he's ashamed. I scooch over and make soothing circles on his back.   
"Come on we're almost to the lake."  
"The lake?" Peeta looks at me, his eyes are normal again but confused.  
"Yeah, it's where my father used to take me when he was alive, it was our place, sometimes I'd go there to think or just remember those happy days."  
Peeta smiles and we walk on. And there it is, beautiful and glistening as ever. Like buttercup it has survived everything, and this gives me hope. I take off my boots and stick my feet in the cool water and Peeta joins me. I rest my head on his shoulder feeling tired from the walk. He's the first to speak.   
"Thank you for showing this place to me, it must be very special to you." He looks down again looking so sad.   
"Peeta is something wrong?"  
"It just makes me think of my father, I miss him, he was the only one I knew loved me."  
I remember how mean his mother was and Peeta never talked about his brothers. And I realize Peeta's hurting just as much as I am. Prim was the only one I knew I loved for the longest time. I wrap my arms around him. He sighs and I feel his tears hit my cheeks and snuggle my face in his shirt. We cry and comfort each other and I hold him untill he lets go to wipe his eyes and I put my boots back on. 

The sun's starting to set, so we head back to the Victors Village. As time passes I break the silence.   
"You know you can ask me anything, I feel like I just wish I could go in and sort out the mess of lies in your head. I've wished that ever since I knew... Heard what they did to you" I wonder if this was okay to bring up.   
Peeta just nods "Okay."  
I feel like I've been so foolish, Peeta is hurting too, and he needs my comfort like I need his. People he loved are dead too. He is so good with words and I'm not, so I stop and put my arms around his neck and kiss him again. He pulls me in tighter and moans. I can taste his tears in my mouth and kiss his cheek and wipe his tears away. "It's okay now Peeta, it's okay"   
He nods and gives a small smile and walks me home.   
"Hey, your not leaving are you?"   
"Well when I have nightmares it helps to pain them out "   
It pains me to think of spending the night alone,   
"I'll come with you then."  
He smiles at me, takes my hand and leads me to his house. I've never been in Peeta's house. It has a big living room with a high ceiling but I'm surprised that there are only two paintings of his up of sunsets, I ignore it and follow him upstairs.  
"You can sleep here, I'll be down the hall, I'm gonna shower."  
I wonder if Peeta plans on sleeping here too, I hope so, but he doesn't mention it so I doubt it. So I look around. The bedroom is about as big as mine but has a fireplace and an adjoining bathroom which I think is nice and a big window overlooking the meadow. I decide I like Peeta's house and head into the bathroom and run a warm bath and look for some scented oil, I find a lavender one, shed my clothes and sink in. It feels nice and I allow myself to relax and breathe in the pleasant scent and think about all that's happened today.  
Peeta and I made a promise by the lake that life is better if we stay together because only we can keep each other safe, make each others nightmares go away for a while. I now realize that I need Peeta to live, to feel alive, and he needs me too. It's only together we can knit up each others scars. I feel chilly and hear some stirring in my room. I get out of the bath, gently towel off and realize I have no clean clothes to sleep in. I go into the bedroom and find my fire lit and some of my sleep clothes lain out. Peeta is so thoughtful it makes me smile. I change and snuggle between the sheets staring at the fire and secretly wish Peeta was next to me. 

In my dream It's dark and cold, It's hard to see untill I spot two sets of glowing eyes and I turn on a dime and run for my life, it's a mutt set on killing me but after a while they pass me and I see Peeta laying in a pool of blood, the lizard mitts are almost to him "No!" I scream. In seconds they will reach him and tear off his head but I can't run fast enough to stop it. "No!" I scream.  
"Katniss, Katniss"  
The mutts are chanting my name as they turn for me.  
"Katniss"

I awaken to the sight of Peeta, I'm shaking and terrified.   
"Katniss it's okay, it was just a nightmare." He holds me and I try to pull myself together as he rocks me back and forth. "It's okay"   
I'm shaking for a while as I cling onto him and try to shake the shivering and gooseflesh from my body.  
I finally relax in his arms.  
"Peeta, come in with me" I beg.  
He doesn't argue, but crawls in and holds me untill I fall asleep stoking my hair and telling me it's okay. For some reason I find that those words are so comforting. I fall asleep finally safe in his arms.


	3. three

CHAPTER 3

 

Instead of waking up to an empty room, there is warmth by my side, when the sun shines through the windows I don't disturb him, because I know how precious a good nights sleep is. He looks so peaceful. I stare at his eyelashes, long and blond, so long I can't see how he can blink without them getting all tangled up. I'm so glad he's in my life now, safe beside me. As I think of myself alone just a couple nights ago it makes me shiver so I curl up close to his warmth and rest my head on his chest. Listening to his steady heartbeat, I can't help think of how Peeta brings that kind of steadiness to my life. Then I feel Peeta's body clench up, his fists tighten and he looks like he's in pain, and I know he's having a nightmare.

"Peeta," I say softly hoping the sight of me won't set off a flashback, but I don't even care, I can't stand seeing him in pain.   
"Peeta wake up" I say a little louder, rubbing circles on his chest then his eyes fly open and he freezes.   
"It's okay Peeta it was just a nightmare, it wasn't real, it's okay" I say this as I wrap my arms around him and I hear him let out a deep breath and relax.  
"I didn't hurt you did I?" he asks with a terrified look.  
"No I'm fine everything's okay"   
He takes another deep breath and relaxes back looking at me. "How are you?"  
I smile, "I'm okay"  
Peeta pulls me closer and gives me a light kiss on my forehead.  
"So, what do you want to do today?" He asks, his eyebrows raised in expectation. I think for a minute, baking helps Peeta cope, "Do you feel like teaching me to bake?"   
He laughs, "Would you really like to learn?"   
"Shure." I really just want to spend time with him, baking makes Peeta happy.

I'm covered in flour and have no idea what I am doing. I'm starting to think I should have just watched him do it.   
"Is this right?" I ask looking at my dry lumpy dough in desperation.  
Peeta holds back a laugh. "Here, add some water to it like this." He tells me and sprinkles some on my pathetic looking lump.  
"This is harder than it looks " I groan.   
"It just takes some practice." Peeta comes over to help me with mine and I smile as I get the strongest urge to do something. So I smudge some flour on his nose.  
"Hey!" he exclaims grinning. He grabs a handful of flour and throws it on my head.  
"Agh!" And we both start throwing flour at each other and start cracking up. I burst out laughing again when I see his hair all covered in flour. We are both laughing so hard we end up on the floor and I realize I can't remember the last time I've laughed - we've laughed together, in a long time.   
"Well I guess we can cross that off the list." Peeta says breaking the silence shaking out his hair. And we start laughing again. Peeta comes over and sits by me, I look into his eyes before he pulls me into a long kiss.   
"Do you love me Katniss? I have to know." He whispers, pulling away and looking me in the eye with such a serious expression.   
I've known the answer to that question for a while now, but I don't know how I can put how I feel about him into words, I'm not good at this, but I try.  
"I do love you Peeta, I guess I've loved you ever since we were thrown together..."   
I mean to stop there but more words tumble out.   
"But then I didn't know what I felt, I just didn't want you to die, and then I knew I couldn't live without you in the Quell. And when you were captured I wanted to die. I didn't do anything but worry about you until I figured a way to get you back and that was the only time I was willing to do anything for 13, I guess it was then I knew," Tears are falling on my hands now and I realize that Peeta's holding them. He's smiling at me, a sad smile and then gives me a hug.   
"Now I will never let you go" I hear his voice although its muffled, with my face in his shirt.   
"I do love you." I say as I watch Peeta get up. He offers me his hand and says "We're going to be okay now, aren't we?"  
I know now that he is right, as long as he's with me, so I nod.

Good days like this remind me that life can be good again, Peeta brings me that. On bad days, days that I find Peeta holding on to the back of a chair like its a lifeline, I keep Peeta's pearl in my pocket. One day he asks me what I'm holding.  
"It's the pearl you gave me in the Quell, sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going in 13, it still comforts me on bad days. "  
"I remember giving that to you, I wanted you to know I was going to do all I could to protect you, it was my dying wish." he smiles, "You're still protecting me, real or not real?"  
Peeta holds me and I answer him, "Real"


	4. four

CHAPTER 4

 

I wake up alone, Peeta must have had a nightmare, it's night still so I get up to go look for him, hoping he is okay looking into different rooms for him. Peeta's house is bigger than I thought. He has a piano? I wonder who plays.   
As I make my way down the hallway I see a light in one of the rooms, I peak inside to find Peeta painting.   
"Hey, what are you doing up?" He asks.  
"I woke up and you weren't there, I wanted to see if you were okay. "  
"Oh, thanks... It helps if I paint out my nightmares."   
"I remember you telling me that, can I see?"   
He hesitates, "Sure come here."

I don't know what I was expecting, us in the games, there are some of those but these are so dark. Erie wet walls, screaming bodies, fuzzy shiny paintings of me and things making Peeta scream, breaking his fingers. And some are splatters of paint I can't place. I'm shocked and look away, Peeta must be terrified of me, he sees torture and pain and lies when he closes his eyes and I don't know how he can sleep at all.  
I turn away and run, but Peeta comes after me.

"I can't..." And I'm crying again in his arms. "How can you see those awful things... I can't...you can't want to be with me."   
He puts his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him.  
"Hey, it's okay, I know they are lies now, I just keep them so I can remember what's real and what's not, those you saw aren't real."  
I nod, but can't bear the thought of all Peeta went through, and the tears come again.   
"Shh, its alright, and those aren't the only things I paint."   
"I can't go back in that room!" I scream.  
"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll show you another time." He says kissing my forehead.  
I feel so foolish but I can't see those paintings anymore tonight. And the next thing I know Peeta's carrying me to bed.   
"I'm sorry, Peeta I feel so foolish."  
"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have let you see those, but you are not that person, I know that, you are caring and sweet, you do anything for the people you love...and now I know you love me, so when those bad thoughts come I know they are lies and I can push them away easier."   
Hearing Peeta talk lulls me to sleep as he strokes my hair. 

But the bad days are outweighed by the good days thankfully. Hiking in the woods, bonfires with Haymich who joins occasionally. He has geese he takes care of. Thank goodness they don't need too much care, just feed every day, and he manages that. 

I was looking at the plant book when I get the idea, "Peeta!"  
He comes running, "What?" Today is a good day we are both in a good mood.  
"How about we do a book, a memory book so that those who died will never be forgotten, and our memories of them... Lady licking Prim's face, you throwing me the bread, your father laughing."  
He lights up, "That's a great idea, I'll ask doctor Aurelius to send us some paper tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

 

The paper arrives in a week. Winter is here now and Peeta and I could use a project to keep us busy, since the cold makes it hard to do much of anything.  
I remember those days when Peeta was sketching in the family plant book. He has that same concentrated look on his face now. It's amazing how he can capture my father's features, his smile and next to it I write down my fond memories of him and my mother. Teaching Prim and I a new song, the Mockingjay's singing his tune back. And this makes me happy knowing I will have this always to look back at when I'm missing him and Prim. She's next and I place a picture I had of her and Lady by the fire the day I got that goat for her.   
Haymich even helps us add 15 years of tributes he mentored. Peeta asks if we should add Maislie to the book. Haymich takes a long swig of whiskey.  
"Yeah we should" he says looking older. He has a hard time though when he has to talk about her, and I realize he must have cared about her. You can tell by the sadness in his voice.   
When Peeta starts on his family, I realize I never really asked him about them. He is working on his father.  
"Peeta, tell me about your family?"  
He sits back putting his brush down.   
"Well, I loved my father the most, he was the only one who offered me any kind of affection. He was kind of a quite man though and mild, the opposite of my mother. She was loud and, I don't know, I don't remember her smiling much. She liked my older brothers the best but always pushed us to do better, try harder. It was hard to ever please her. And whenever I made a mistake she would yell at me, and she would beat me and make me do it again. I guess she thought it would make me do better. "

The thought of that saddens me, Peeta is so sweet and loving he didn't deserve that kind of treatment.   
"But my dad didn't like her to hit us, so she only did that when he was out delivering. I think she didn't want kids because that meant extra mouths to feed, and we were poorer than some of the other merchant families because there were five of us."  
"I always imagined a merchants life soft, always having enough to eat, but I knew my family loved me, I'm sorry." I finally say.  
"Hey, we had good days and bad days."   
"I always liked your father, I remember my dad trading with him and the two of them talking and laughing, he always was nice. And since he promised to keep Prim fed when we went off to the hunger games..."  
"He promised you that?" Peeta smiles and looks down. "I miss him, but I think he would be happy for us" Peeta takes my hand, then lets it go and blushes,  
"You know that we're friends now and stick together"  
Just then Haymich walks in. "Well if you two don't need me anymore, I'll be heading back"  
Peeta gets up, "No stay for supper, I was going to fix meat and potatoes, your favorite."  
"Well, so long as you put it that way." Haymich grumbles.  
Peeta is a better cook than I am so he usually fixes something for us. Haymich usually sleeps during the day so Peeta brings him leftovers. I remember one day I got up before Peeta, and decided to fix breakfast like he does for me. I love waking up to the smell of sausage and eggs and pancakes. So I decided to fix that. But instead of waking up to that pleasant smell, Peeta woke up to me screaming 'fire' because the pancake batter had splattered all over and while wiping it up the towels caught on fire. He helped me put it out and had a good laugh, but I felt bad I couldn't do that simple thing for him. I secretly promise myself to practice if Peeta is ever out if the house working on something.

We keep busy and before we know it spring is in the air. The district is coming back together. A lot has been rebuilt, houses, the Justice Building is new in more than one sense. Having no more games, the people are happy and the Capital helps us all. And farms are planted where the mines used to be. Children run around laughing. Peeta and I decide to go into town, he sees some familiar faces and while he talks to them I make my way to collect our mail marked Victors Village for the week and smile when I find a letter from Johanna. I walk out of the building where they sort the mail and find Peeta staring at the place his family's bakery once stood, and run up to him.   
"Hey, I went to get the mail."  
"Oh hi, I was thinking of having a new bakery built, what do you think?"  
"That's a great idea, this place is going to need a bakery, with more and more people moving here, and baking is good for you."

Peeta smiles "I think so too, I was talking with Thom about it. He said he'll let the builders know and we can start right on it, would you be okay if I was out out helping? It will take a week or so probably."   
"Yeah, I should do some hunting, I haven't been in the woods in forever."  
"Okay, I just want to make sure you'll be alright."  
I smile slyly, "Well if I need you I'll know where to find you." I say and I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek, "I want you to do this."

We walk home and I almost forget about Johanna's letter. I pull it from my pocket.  
"Peeta, we got a letter from Johanna"  
Peeta sighs, "Oh really, what's she been up to, getting into trouble no doubt."  
"Let's see,"

Dear katniss, 

Hope this letter finds you, I feel so bored in seven and since you are the closest thing I have to a friend, I thought I'd come visit you and the gang in 12. A train of us are leaving in a couple of days so I should be there shortly after you get this. Hope at least somebody is pulled together enough to put me up. See you soon.  
Johanna

"Well she didn't even mention me" Peeta laughs.  
"Maybe she forgot you are here"  
Peeta looks at me dumbly, "How could she not know?"  
And then his lips turn up into a smile and he starts laughing "Well you can never tell with Johanna Mason, the girl used to hate you and now she's your her best friend, life's funny."  
"Oh I'm glad she's coming."   
I'm smiling now and I really can't wait to see her.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

 

I wake up to an empty bed, sighing I sit up and remember Peeta was going to help rebuild the bakery. He must have got up early. I look to the window and find a note left on the bed stand. I open it and read.  
'Good morning Katniss, I didn't want to wake you, and you looked so peaceful. I'm going into town to help Thom with building the bakery, I'll be home later, and I left a warm plate for you in the oven. I love you.   
Peeta'

Oh goody now I can focus on my cooking skills. I'm exited to start. After changing I run downstairs. It's a beautiful day and sun shines into the kitchen. I look for a cookbook, but this is Peeta's kitchen, and I've never seen him use a book. I dig around for a while and until I find one, it looks pretty new, and I wonder if Peeta got it to help me maybe when I said I wanted to learn to bake. I flip through the pages and find a recipe for a chicken pot pie. That sounds really good, like something served in the Capital. Following a recipe, how hard can it be?

Okay, first I need a chicken, so I stuff breakfast in my mouth and make my way towards town. I stop by the butcher's. "Hey Irma "  
Since I've been content with staying inside and laying low all winter, not hunting, I've been coming here. Irma is nice, pretty and kind of heavy set, she and her family moved here from 13.   
"What can I get you today?"   
"Got any chickens?" I ask.  
"Shure do." She walks away and comes back with a nice looking bird. I hand her some change, thank her and rush on home being careful not to let Peeta see me. Satisfied I got home safe, I go to the back yard and skin the bird, and check out the recipe. First I have to make the crust, I get all the ingredients out : butter, flour, milk, and an egg.   
"Okay cut in the butter to flour mixture, what does that mean?"  
Well you cut with a knife, so I try cutting the butter and somehow add it to the flour, incidentally getting the flour all over me. Now I have to flatten this out and bake it in a pie pan.  
I look at the time, I hope I can be done before Peeta gets home. I finally find a pie pan and get the crust in the oven and start preparing the rest of it. I cook the chicken, finally something I know how to do, and throw that, some vegetables, spices and a water and flour mixture into the baked pie crust and top it with the other crust, it came kind if lumpy but oh well. I'm really proud of myself, I have what should be a tasty dinner in the oven ready and waiting for Peeta when he gets home.   
While I'm in the middle of this relish, I hear the door slam open. Oh no he can't be home yet! I run to the door and find a grumpy Johanna Mason.  
"Well there you are I must have knocked on every other door in this village, and finally gave up and decided to just start barging in looking..."  
"Oh Johanna" I run and give her a big hug. Her hair is longer now and reaches her chin.  
"Now that's the kind of welcome I was expecting, only about ten minutes ago. Really more people need to move in here, well, at least I know where I'll be camping out - that house two down from you, it has a nice view."   
"Oh come in" I coax her and sit on the couch.  
Johanna looks around eyeing the place,  
"Your place is nice Katniss, a little unlike you." She says grinning as she plops on the couch making herself right at home.   
I blush, "Oh, well this is actually Peeta's house."  
"Ooh...I see" then she starts making kissing noises.   
"Oh shut up! It's not like that."   
I give her a nudge and sit next to her.   
"So how have you been?"  
"Good I guess, I still have to keep in contact with the head doctor."   
She scoffs. "He's telling me I have to move on with my life, start anew, sounds good to me, so I convinced him to let me move here with you guys." She looks around.   
"So how's Peeta, he's still screaming in my nightmares."  
I look down at the floor.  
"Oh sorry, I speak what's on my mind."  
"He's alright, we figured out we do better together-we help each other."  
"Hmm" Johanna sighs, "Good for you, well maybe I can make some friends here." Then she bursts out laughing. "Like that will happen"  
"Oh Johanna why not?"  
She eyebrows me, "Yeah why not, I have such a sunny personality."  
She says it so sarcastically. And we both laugh for a while. It's good to hear her sound her snarky self. "Have you seen Haymich?"  
"No, how is he?"  
"I don't know, I don't see him everyday, but Peeta always does."  
"I'll catch him on my way to my new home!" She says in a surprisingly exited way, I can't help but smile. 

"Johanna? I thought I heard your voice! How are you?" Peeta rushes into the living room as Johanna gets up to give him a hug.  
"Eh, okay glad I'm here, I'm getting all sorts of welcomes. I was so bored in 7, nothing much there for me anyway anymore, so I thought I'd check it out here and see how it goes. How's my old cell mate? Still fighting those nightmares, like I have to ask."  
Johanna rolls her eyes and sits back down.   
"I've been better, I mean telling what's real and not. And Katniss helps a lot." He says sheepishly looking at me, then looks to the kitchen quizzically, "What's that smell?"  
"Oh no! My masterpiece!" I scream.  
The look on Peetas face resembles a look of horror as I run to the kitchen.  
"Oh Katniss you didn't cook did you?"   
I turn to give him a scowl as he follows me closely to the stove as I take my pie out in a cloud of smoke.   
"I can do it!" I grumble angry.  
"Clearly! " I hear Johanna from the living room.  
I am so disappointed and a little angry at Peeta still.  
"I'm sorry Katniss" Peeta kisses my temple. "That was really sweet of you to fix dinner, and it's only burned on the sides, we can still eat it, it looks good."  
I frown still mad, mostly at myself, I was doing so good following the recipe and everything, and what happens? It burns, just a little but still. I force a smile for Peeta though.  
"I followed the recipe and everything." I try not to but I end up sounding sulky.   
"Hey you tried, and I bet it tastes good." Peeta smiles, and sets the table for us.  
Johanna sits down, "It better taste good."  
As we sit down to take a bite I get a nervous feeling deep in my stomach hoping it's edible.  
Peeta is the brave one who takes the first bite. He smiles when he notices the two of us staring at him to see how he reacts.   
"Try it, it's good, basically a stew in a crust, there isn't too much Katniss could have done to ruin it." He grins and watches Johanna and I dig in.   
It's not too bad, not fantastic either. Well, it's my first real meal and I did it all on my own.   
"Well it won't win any awards but its pretty good."   
I decide that's quite a compliment coming from Johanna. 

Johanna decided after supper to get comfortable in her new house. Peeta helped her carry her bags over. We both clean up the kitchen and finally relax on the couch. Peeta fixes us both a warm cup of milk with some spices, similar to the drink we had together on our second trip to the capital. I've grown to love this drink. It makes me feel comfortable. I feel like I'm dozing off when Peeta speaks, "So you had a pretty exiting day."  
His lips are curled up into a smile.  
"Yeah, I guess. I want to be able to fix a meal for you once in a while, it doesn't seem fair to leave it all on you."  
He thinks for a minute, "Maybe you should go hunting again." He says as he strokes the hair that falls on my forehead back.

I haven't been hunting in what feels like forever. Peeta is right, I feel happy there, I should.  
"We could use some fresh meat too"  
"Okay, I'll go tomorrow...I'm so tired" I feel like just sleeping here, I'm so beat. But just as I'm thinking this I feel myself lifted up in Peeta's arms. He lays me in bed and pulls me into his arms kissing my forehead. I faintly hear him say something but I can't make it out, as I'm drawn into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

 

I wake up to the sound of rain hitting the windows. I reach out for Peeta's warmth, but he's not there. He must of heard me stirring. "Hey, I was just watching the rain, it's so pretty."  
Peeta says as he crawls back in bed next to me pulling the sheets up to my chin and smiling.  
"What?" I ask eyebrowing him.  
"I was just thinking..."  
"Of what?" I demand poking him.  
He just stares at me with those blue eyes. They are so beautiful, I don't look away.   
"Oh I was just thinking of how happy I am that you are here, with me"  
I'm blushing for some reason, but I smile and curl up towards him. "I'm glad your here too...I love you."   
Peeta looks at me with a giddy expression. "Why do you love me again?"  
I entwine my fingers in his and smile,  
"Because you loved me first, you saved my life, I know you'll never leave me."  
I look at him now, and I start to think of all the things Peeta is. How good he is. The way he was different than the rest of us victors. Always looking for a way to avoid a kill and negotiate instead, how he was determined to put Haymich and my life above his own.  
"Because you are so good Peeta. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my life."  
Peeta smiles, and rests his forehead on mine.   
"You're my whole life." Peeta says as he buries his face in my hair. The warmth of his breath on my neck feels so good, I squeeze him closer wanting this moment to last. 

When I wake again, I feel a delicious feeling of happiness. It has stopped raining and the sun is out now. The last time I can remember feeling this way was on the beach in the Quell right after Peeta put his locket around my neck trying to convince me how my life was more important.   
'You are my whole life, if you die and I live there'd be no life at all for me in twelve, I'd never be happy again.'  
I remember Peeta's words then, words that made me realize I couldn't go on living without him either.  
I thought I'd never get that feeling back again, but Peeta has come back to me. I smile realizing how different our circumstances are now than they were in the arena.  
I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, making him roll over towards me and sit up.  
"Hey, how are you?"  
"Good but I'm starved. How about some breakfast?"  
He smiles and gets up and walks downstairs humming. He's in a good mood today. That's good. I go to the window and open it wide feeling the warm summer breeze blow my hair off my back. Today's a hunting day. I change into a pair of grey pants and pair it with a long sleeve green top and braid my hair to the side.   
I skip downstairs finding Peeta actually singing, I stifle a laugh because he's not very good, but he's singing the valley song. I sneak up behind him and grace up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. When he suddenly turns around and picks me off the floor, spinning me around and around and until we both start laughing. When he finally sets me down he pulls me into a long kiss.  
"Well good morning to you too"  
I say nuzzling him.   
"What do want today? Waffles?An omelette? Pancakes? Cheese buns?" His eyebrows motion at his last suggestion. "I know they're your favorite."  
I laugh because he's acting so silly.   
"Sure bake me some cheese buns" Just when we both sit down at the table, who else but Johanna bursts in. I eye Peeta wondering if this is going to become a habit of hers bursting in.   
"Hey neighbor can I borrow an egg for breakfast, I haven't gone into town yet and I'm...oh! Are you having breakfast? Well I don't want to intrude."

Peeta gives me a look, "Oh you can stay Johanna I was just going to..."  
"Oh goody!" Johanna squeals and sits down next to me. "Finally a decent meal, sorry Katniss that pie of yours was horrible."  
I scowl and stare at my plate concentrating on eating and not getting mad.  
"So what do you plan on doing today?" Peeta asks Johanna nicely as he sets her a plate.  
"Oh go into town check things out a bit, maybe buy a few things, food is a given. But your cookings so good Peeta maybe I'll Just eat here..." She looks around. "Nah, ill just save that for special occasions"  
"Your welcome to have dinner with us, I usually fix more than enough for Katniss and me. And sometimes Haymich comes over as well, and we play a couple games of chess. "  
Johanna rolls her eye and clasps her hands together. "Just like a big happy family, I like it, so sure"

When Johanna leaves I lace up my hunting boots and walk up to kiss Peeta before I head out for the woods. He holds me for a bit before he lets me go. "Take your time, don't push yourself too hard okay?"  
"I'll be alright"   
Peeta gets in another kiss before I'm out the door. It feels good being out in the trees walking my old hunting trail. I get a couple squirrels and then lie in the grass looking up at the sky through the leaves listening to the Mockingjay's and the leaves rustling. I feel good and tired, Peeta was right I'm not used to all this exertion, but it feels good. The sun feels hot now so I roll up my sleeves. I feel like taking a hike to the lake because I feel like swimming but I don't know if I'd make it. So I just relax and listen to the birds and the squirrels play. I close my eyes and think of summer days I'd spend in the woods with my father. I remember when he first taught me to hunt. The first time I shot game, he was so proud of me. He carried me back home on his shoulders and we had a celebration dinner that night, even my mother was happy. 

I sit up shaking those memories and decide I will go to the lake. I set my bow and arrows back in there usually hiding place and begin the long walk to the lake. It's so hot and by the time I get to the water my clothes are soaked through, so I strip off my shirt and pants and giddily splash into the water. I duck my head under and swim around and around. I even managed to collect some katniss tubers for supper, I wonder if Peeta has ever had them? I loose track of the time and the sky catches me off guard when I notice the sun is starting to set. When I get dried off I realize my stomach's growling. I take one last look at the lake, gather up my stuff and head on home. 

When I reach the Victors Village I see that Peeta's waiting on his front porch with a canvas. He's lost in his own world painting. As I make my way up the steps Peeta finally notices I'm back. "Hey, isn't the sunset gorgeous?" He's smiling looking at the sky in awe. I look at his canvas. I don't know how he can capture something so well. I've always been amazed at how Peeta can bring a page to life with a few strokes of paint. I sit next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. But that's what Peeta has done with me, he's brought me to life like he brings a blank canvas alive with his brush.

"So what have you been up to? You feel damp, you should probably change."  
"I went to the lake, I felt like swimming." Peeta's face turns into a grin. "Well you must be tired. That's a long hike, and look what you got, a couple squirrels. That'll be good."   
"Oh and have you ever had katniss tubers?"  
"No I haven't. . . they any good?"  
"Yeah cooked they taste very similar to potatoes "  
"Really, well then I'll have to try them."   
"My father used to kid me 'as long as you can find yourself you'll never starve Katniss' hmm"  
Peeta gives my hand a squeeze.   
"Come on, I've got a fire ready in the back. Just needed you to get home. Here I'll take those." Peeta takes the squirrels and leads me out back. Haymich and Johanna are talking, Haymich surprisingly sounds sober. "There you are sweetheart been waiting for you"

"Yeah I'm starving." Johanna pipes in. Peeta's prepared a spit and after skinning the squirrels, slips them on it. I'm feeling cold so I run upstairs and change into a dry pair of comfortable black pants and a sweater. I take my hair out of its braid and run my fingers through it. I practically live at Peeta's house now. My place just seems to be filled with too many memories. And I like it at Peeta's, his place feels like home.   
I then make my way downstairs and cuddle next to Peeta's side as he hands me a plate with some meat.  
"Mmm it has a nice smokey flavor." Johanna says wiping her hands on her pants.   
I dig in starving from not having anything since breakfast and finish before Peeta does. So he offers me half of his plate. Finally full I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder and he puts his arm around me. I relax next to him breathing in the warm scent from the burning wood and listen to everyone else talk. I guess Johanna met some people she knew in 13 when she went into town. And there is another train coming tomorrow with supplies for building and some more people. We all talk about things we could use that we hope are on the train. Peeta could use some more paint and canvases, while Haymich is in need of white liquor of course. Johanna is hoping to join one of the new building projects and I'm not sure I'm expecting anything so I stay quiet. Eventually the fire dies down and Haymich and Johanna head back to their homes. I follow Peeta inside and sit on the couch. I remember Peeta was supposed to work on the bakery today.  
"How is the bakery going, are you almost done?"  
He strokes my hair back. "Sort of, we're waiting on a couple things that should arrive tomorrow."

"Oh. . ." I turn on the television. As usual the capital news is on. They don't show reruns of 75 years of hunger games anymore, but updates on the rebuilding that's taking place in the districts and Plutarch has put on a couple shows for entertainment but I never watch them. A well dressed newscaster is reporting that in honor of this being the first year with no hunger games a monthlong celebration is going to kick off next month in district one and will honor any surviving victors. Plutarch and several of his associates will be part of the parade going to each district highlighting all we have accomplished since Snow's death and no one mentions my murdering Coin. 

I clutch Peeta's hand hard realizing what this will mean.  
A party here in twelve and I'll be one of the stars of the occasion. I don't want to feel like I'm being used again, I think the government has used me quite enough. I look at Peeta, he doesn't seem to be thinking any of the things I am because he's smiling, a sad smile. I look away and cross my arms over my chest and scowl.  
"Is something the matter Katniss?"  
"Oh, I just don't want to think about any of that. The Games are over so let's never even think of it." More like I don't want to think about everyone who's died. I bury my head in my hands and Peeta puts his arms around me and takes my hands away from my face.   
"Katniss you were there hero, the face of the rebellion, you know... how they love they're Victors."  
"I'm tired of being a piece in their games that's all I ever was to them..."  
Peeta gives me a solemn look and turns off the television. He sighs "Yeah, I guess I'd rather not think about it either, bad memories flood back." He looks down and squints his eyes shut and starts shuddering for a minute, then he relaxes and opens his eyes again.  
This just makes me angrier. "That's it! We are not going! I won't let them!" I stomp.

They will never understand how it hurts Peeta and I can't bear to see him like that, it makes me cry. Peeta just sighs and gets up leading me upstairs to bed. But I don't want to sleep I'm too upset. I get in the shower and just start crying. "It's not fair!" I just keep saying over and over. I let the water run until there isn't any hot water left, and then force myself out and dry off. I throw on a big flannel shirt and crawl next to Peeta, still tearing.  
"Your hair is soaked, here..." Peeta gets a towel and starts drying my hair, but I turn around and he wraps his arms around me tightly and I begin sobbing again soaking his shirt. He rocks me back and forth like a child.   
"It's okay it's okay. We don't have to go...and if we do we'll make the best of it. Wouldn't it be nice seeing Annie again? And we could see the baby? There is only a handful of victors left, I think most of us are here in the Victors Village."  
I've stopped crying now. I feel better listening to Peeta but I don't say anything. I just moan and he sets my head on the pillow and I fall asleep fast.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

 

I woke up several times last night. I think every time Peeta fell asleep he had a nightmare. I thought he was going to leave me to paint but he just asked me to hold onto him so I did. They weren't his usual nightmares, every time he woke up he was in a sweat hot and cold and terrified. I feel so bad when that happens. Peeta deserves so much better, so much more and what does he have? Unstable weepy me who is constantly the one in need when it should be the other way around. I sigh as I cradle Peeta's head in the crook of my neck. He's been sleeping peacefully now for the last hour, but I don't dare let him go. I've been just awake thinking about a lot of mostly depressing things. How I'll never deserve the one person I need. How I wish I could make his nightmares disappear with mine. This party I should attend but don't want to, mainly because I'm afraid of how it will affect Peeta. But I guess Peeta is right. I would like to see Annie and her and Finnick's baby. And my mother might come. Would Gale be there? Will he bring his girlfriend? Will he be married even? 

Well knowing Plutarch he"ll probably find a way to make us go anyway. And Peeta seems more concerned about me than he's worried about himself, so maybe it will be okay. I eventually drift asleep too confused to think.

I awake to find Peeta still in my arms, I'm glad I didn't wake him in my sleep. I look at the time it is early afternoon. Peeta takes a deep breath and his eyes flutter open.   
"Hey" I say kissing his forehead "Are you okay?"  
He smiles and pulls me closer,   
"I'm fine now," then he pulls away slightly, "Thanks... It was a bad night, I couldn't escape the games." I suddenly remember that today was the big day the new supplies were coming, but I decide not to mention it, everything else can just wait.  
So I relax back in the sun that's streaming in the window. When I feel Peeta scoop me into his arms. He kisses my forehead, and I take his face and kiss him on the mouth, he kisses the tip of my nose and whispers, "I'm so glad you were there last night" The thought just makes me upset though. I'm reminded of the mess that I'm in and how I wish I could do more.  
"Oh Peeta, you deserve more, I owe you too much . . .your always there for me"   
Peeta chuckles and we sit up. He's looking at me so bright-eyed you'd never know the awful night he had. And we head downstairs to go about our day and neither one of us mentions the Capital's party plans.  
Peeta goes into town with Johanna and Haymich to check out the deliveries from the train that arrived early this morning. And I decide to hang around the house. My muscles are sore from yesterday and I feel like taking it easy today. I'm surprised when I pick up the phone to find my mother on the other end.   
"Mother! How are you?"  
"Oh, I'm managing, the work keeps me busy how are you?"  
"I'm okay, I keep busy hunting and Peeta bakes still."  
"How is Peeta?"  
"He's better, he says he's better when he's with me. And I do better with him. His flashbacks haven't been so often."   
"Oh that's good. I'm glad to know you have each other."  
"The district is blossoming, houses are being built and Peeta's even building a new bakery. Where are you staying now?"  
"Oh I'm still in 4, after the medical center was put up they put me in a special group of herbalists here. A lot of things are still underground in 13 but they are working on it I hear. Are you exited about the big party the Capital is having, I'll be looking forward to seeing you and Peeta on television."  
"Oh yeah." I guess she doesn't plan on visiting when they come to twelve.  
"Four has sent out a medical team on a train for 12, it seemed the district is in need of doctors. I think there are plans to build a hospital in 12 soon."  
"Really, that's great, especially with all the construction going on. We could use a doctor, and the train arrived this morning."  
"Oh that's good, are you happy darling, in 12?"  
I think about this for a moment. "Yes I am, to tell the truth I'm happy to be wherever Peeta is. I realize now that . . . I love him, I guess I always have. And I'm the only one who can help him."  
"I love you Katniss, and I'm happy that you are happy. It's just too hard for me to come back to twelve, I can't"  
"I understand, and I love you mother."  
"I'll call you again soon dear."  
"Bye"   
"Goodbye"

It was nice hearing my mother's voice but at the same time sad because I know she can never come back here because of the ghosts. The memories of the past. But this is my home and even though its also my prison I like it here, and especially since more people are coming back.

Before I know it I hear Peeta bursting through the door. I've lost track of the time, lost in thought. I look around, the room looks darker, the clouds are making the sun set faster than usual. I get up to greet Peeta. "Hi how was your day?"  
"Oh really good, things are really progressing with the bakery build now and there must have been 30 new people that came, a lot of them were doctors. It seems they have been at work on building a hospital. Can you imagine? A hospital in 12 who would have thought?" 

Peeta grins and hauls a couple big packages of his upstairs. I just nod and sit back down. I don't know why I'm feeling kind of depressed, maybe it was talking with my mother and thinking of the past, I feel foolish feeling this way so I try to shake the feeling and force a smile. "Peeta that's great news."  
"Isn't it? And Johanna is going to join in on the build. It turns out being from 7 she knows quite a bit and is real exited about it. Funny that hard hat kind of suits her."  
Peeta's chuckling stops when he notices my face. I never was a very good actor. His face drops. "What did you do today Katniss?"  
I struggle to think, what did I do, oh yeah. "I got a call from my mother."  
"Really? How is she, is everything okay?"  
"Oh yeah, I think she was just checking in on me. She wanted to know I was alright here in 12."  
"Oh, and what did you tell her?"  
"I told her I'm happy here with you and we are doing okay."  
Peeta nods and sits by me.   
"You don't look okay, I haven't seen you look like this in a while. Have you eaten?"  
I shake my head, and lean in and wrap my arms around Peeta. "Hey what's with you?"  
"I don't know, I just feel like crying."  
Peeta massages my shoulders and kisses my temple. "Maybe you'll feel better if you ate something. You should probably take your pills too."

I don't like thinking about it, but that was part of the deal with sending me to 12 as my prison. I had to talk with a doctor every month or so and take pills that were supposed to help with the depression. I guess it helps. I was refusing to talk with anyone for a while and so I wasn't picking up the phone. But after my foolish attempt suicide Peeta has been making sure I'm taking the medicine and if I'm not up to it Peeta will even talk to the doctor for me. Thinking about this makes me feel even more pathetic so I just nod at Peeta's suggestion and lie down on the couch.   
I close my eyes and hear Peeta moving around in the kitchen. I'm feeling like such a burden. Why does he bother. I should be helping him, and what do I do? Tears start rolling down my cheeks and I hardly notice Peeta sit next to me until I feel him take out my braid and run his fingers through my hair. "Here."  
Peeta hands me a glass of water smiling. This only hardens my feelings of hatred towards myself and I bury my face in my hands.  
"Peeta why do you even bother I'm such a. . .a waste, you deserve so much more . . .and I" and I'm crying so hard I can't talk anymore.  
"Katniss don't talk like that, what do you mean? What would I do without you, your my life." He's got his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him. Unconvinced I break away and bury my face in his chest. Peeta try's to soothe me, rocking me back and forth.   
"It's okay. You just are having a bad day. But you know how much I need you. We take care if each other. Remember all those nights you hold me together? Bad days just happen, but don't forget, you mean everything to me."  
It feels good hearing him talk, and I feel bad I'm such a wreck lately. But I remember now the bad night Peeta had last night.   
"What's happening? Why am I such a wreck lately?" I sound like a little child expecting the world.  
Peeta sighs and brushes my wet hair out of my face.   
"I don't know, but one thing I know for sure is that it's going to get better. Good days always follow bad days. Just look forward to that."  
Peeta kisses my forehead. "Sometimes it just seems to last longer than we can bear, that's when sometimes you need a little bit of help."  
I know he's talking about the pills again so I agree to take them as he gets them for me. After I swallow them Peeta tells me that there was a box for me from Effie.  
"Effie? What could she possibly send me?"  
"I don't know, you want to check it out."  
"Later"  
"Okay, oh that means the macaroni and cheese is done."  
"Mmm that sounds really good."  
Peeta brings me a big bowl and we eat in the living room. I do feel better now with a full stomach. I sigh and smile. "Thanks, your right, I think I'm just having a bad day."  
Peeta nods. "You know as part of my therapy I've been trying to play the piano. I'm not very good but I can play a couple songs. Would you like to hear?"

I hardly notice my face turning up into a smile. I get up and beg him to show me. He gets up, takes my hand and leads me upstairs down the long hallway into a room I've never been in. "Oh this is also my study, where I pay bills and stuff."  
Peeta sits down at the piano and looks over sheets of music for a while before he looks at me."I warn you it might not be very good."   
"That's okay it's been a while since I've even heard anyone play."  
That makes Peeta laugh and he starts to play. It's the district lullaby that I used to sing to Prim and I sang to Rue as she died. Memories flood my mind but I close my eyes and try to relax and listen to Peeta play. It's different coming from a musical instrument rather than just someone's throat. It's so beautiful I can't believe that I'm smiling. When Peeta finishes he looks at me.   
"I asked them to send songs that I knew. I used to love listening to your father sing, and you, you have his voice."   
I smile at the memory of Peeta telling me when he first fell in love with me. It was the first day of school. I volunteered to sing and Peeta said that was the moment he fell in love with me. He told me that story in the cave in our first Hunger Games. I thought he was just making everything up but what he said was true about me singing at school. It turned out Peeta was telling the truth about everything. He is the one that's pure and true.  
"You remember Peeta? You told me that in the cave."  
Peeta looks at some point in the distance,   
"Yeah I can remember it now, when you sang the valley song at school, right?"  
I nod.   
Peeta shakes his head. "I can't remember the last time I heard you sing. You should."  
"Your right I've banned too many things, I should, for my father at least. It's just hard."  
"I know, it's okay Katniss."  
"That was beautiful."   
He just shrugs.   
I'm feeling tired now from crying. I don't even bother showering. I just take my shirt and pants off, look around for a comfortable cotton shirt Peeta lent me once and it sort of became mine, and crawl into Peeta's arms. I have no trouble falling asleep and have a peaceful dream.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9   "Come on Katniss, come on! We have to show you something!"  I'm in the woods on a really hot summer day. It's Rue and my little sister Prim. They are asking me to follow them. They glow and look like birds. The way they walk is so graceful. But it's getting too bright, and I'm blinded by the light. I can't see them anymore.  "Wait Rue! Prim! Come back! I'm coming just wait!"  But there voices are droned out by the sound of buzzing. I'm surrounded by tracker jackers. And I start screaming as there stingers pierce my skin with searing pain.   "Katniss! It's okay, wake up Katniss!" I open my eyes to find Peeta over me shaking me up. "Your okay, it's alright." Peeta says as he strokes my hair off my forehead. I take a few deep breaths and wrap my arms around him.  "Did you have a nightmare?" He asks. I nod. "It was actually nice at first. I was following Prim and Rue in the woods. They asked me to follow them, then everything got real bright and I lost them and was surrounded by tracker jackers. And then it was awful." Peeta moves a little closer and starts stroking my hair soothingly. "Well, it was just a dream," he gives me a kiss "try to sleep now." "Okay." Feeling better, I'm able to relax but I wish I'd have that dream again, so I could find out where Rue and Prim wanted to take me. So I fall back to sleep.  The next thing I know it's morning. Its kind of cloudy today. I'm surprised that Peeta hasn't left to help build the bakery yet. But he's fast asleep by my side. I don't wake him up though, he deserves the sleep, and I selfishly think that if it were up to me, Peeta would never leave, he'd just stay in my arms forever.  He looks so peaceful now, so I stare at his features. His long blond eyelashes, his lips that are kind of chapped, his fire scars on his forehead that are usually covered by his hair. I can see them now with his hair pushed to the side, he has them up his neck too. I'm surprised as I stare as his scars how much better mine have healed. Maybe it was all that time not showering.  We've both changed and yet we are the same. I've changed so much, not just because of my scars on the outside, but I've changed because of the scars that happened on the inside too. I've seen so much death and pain. I don't know one person who wasn't touched with it. And yet I can live, Peeta can live. And I promise to myself now in secret to the ones I love who died, that I will live for them, for their lives that were taken too soon. Isn't that the least I can do? How would they want me to live if they were here to tell me? Not sitting around in mourning, but living, really living.  I owe that to Peeta too. I owe him my life. To be happy and feel alive. Peeta is the only person who makes me feel that way. And all of a sudden I feel so grateful that he found me that day I was at the end of my rope. I'm so glad he saved me from my feelings and stayed with me.  I wrap my arms around Peeta and bury my face in his chest and breath in his warmth. I kiss him over his heart. "I love you" And relax next to him lulled by the sound of his steady heartbeat.  After a while Peeta stirs and stretches. He gives me a kiss and smiles. "Good morning." "Hi, don't you have to help with the building?" "I think it's more important to stay by you today. We should go somewhere." I smile wryly, "Like where?" Peeta turns and faces me, "Why don't you take me to the lake? I can watch you swim." I look to the window, Peeta leaves the windows open as long as it's not too cold. He loves the fresh air. Sometimes he even leaves them open when it's raining, "Listen to the rain Katniss. Doesn't it sound nice?" Peeta loves the rain. "It's kind if cloudy out. Do you think it might rain?" Peeta looks at me quizzically. "So what if it does, it's warm, come on it will be fun." "Okay."I give Peeta a long kiss, then I race to the bathroom to clean up and dress. It really is a nice day and I smile because Peeta's idea to go to the lake is so good. A couple days ago when I went by myself I had wished I got an earlier start so I could stay longer, it's a happy place for me especially in the summer. As I make my way downstairs the scent of eggs and fresh bread meets me. I skip next to Peeta, "Smells wonderful." I say as I give Peeta a kiss on the cheek. He gives me a smile "I though we could bring a picnic"  I look at the counter and see he has a basket all packed. "Wow how long was I in that shower?" That gets a laugh out of Peeta.  We eat a quick breakfast and are out the door. I look at the sky again, it's still cloudy but not quite as threatening, it almost looks like its going to clear up. Peeta takes my hand. We walk past where the old fence used to be and I'm surprised when Peeta stops and bends down to pick some Queen Anne's lace and tucks it in different sections of my braid. I can't help it but I'm blushing. I smile and we walk on. It's a long walk to the lake and already I'm sweating and after about an hour both of us are pretty tired so we take a break under a big oak tree. The shade feels so good. I lay in the grass feeling the breeze cool my warm cheeks when Peeta pulls out a couple sandwiches. He gives me a guilty look. "I'm sorry but I'm starved. You want a sandwich?" Peeta says as he hands me one. I let out a laugh that comes out louder than I expected. "Sure, that looks good." As I bite into the bread the sweet juice from the apples fill my mouth. Mixed with a fatty goat cheese spread the sandwich is delicious. I eat it with relish and thank Peeta again for the idea of packing a lunch. I was hungrier than I thought, and feel ready to press on with our journey now that my stomach's full. Before I know it I see the lake in front of us. I look up and see the sun. The sky cleared up after all. I take off my pants and one of my shirts and jump in the water. I look over to Peeta and see him sitting by the edge, just sticking his feet in. "Aren't you coming in?"  "I don't know, I can't swim that well." "It not that deep here, see?" Peeta wrinkles his nose at me.  "Fine, but your missing out on all the fun!" I say as I dive under and swim around to the deeper part. I scowl as I look to see that my teasing hasn't bothered Peeta one bit. He's laying in the sun without a care in the world. So I look around for some duck eggs. I find a nest on the opposite side of the lake, and bring them back over by Peeta. I place the eggs quietly in a safe spot and swim over and splash him so that he's all wet. He springs up and let's out a surprised scream. He looks around and finds me laughing histerically.  "Hey! Katniss!" He laughs and scoops up some water and starts splashing me back. The water gets all in my mouth from laughing and Peeta finally gives in to chase me. We splash each other until I have to stop because I'm choking on the water. Peeta comes over and pats my back until I stop. He laughed so hard he lost his balance and tripped in the water.  "Ah, that was fun."  "Yeah, but I'm sorry I startled you, I just couldn't resist." "Oh don't worry I'll find some way to repay you." He says playfully entwining his hands into mine. He gives me a kiss and smooths my hair back. "Come on lets dry off. "  I help Peeta out of the bank and I lay out on the grass. Peeta takes off his shirt and hangs it on a couple branches in the sun, before he comes next to me. I sit up and pull the basket Peeta brought over to me. I look over wondering his expression. His eyes are still closed but he's grinning from ear to ear. "So what else did you pack?" I find a couple apples, some cookies and a canteen of tea. And a box with a blue ribbon tied around it. "Peeta, what is this?" Peeta's eyes are open now, he sits up straight, "Oh, that's a surprise. It's for you." He smiles as he tucks a loose strand behind my ear. "Go on open it." Peeta gives me so much, what could it possibly be? I untie the ribbon gently and open the box and I can't believe what he has done. It's my pearl, my lifeline. Peeta had it put on a chain. It looks beautiful as it rests gently in a heart shaped cage on a silver chain that sparkles in the sun. I'm so moved I start to tear and put my hand over my mouth. "This way you can carry it always." Peeta takes my hand and holds it to his chest, "You carry my heart." That does it.  Now I have a steady stream running down my cheeks. Embarrassed I cover my face as I start to sob. Peeta reaches out putting his arm around me. "Peeta it's perfect." I give him a smile, and he takes my face in his hands and kisses me. He lips taste warm and are still wet. I wrap my arms around him. "I love you Katniss, I love you so much." He says as he wipes away a few stray tears. "Here" He takes the necklace from me, and clasps it around my neck. "There, it suits you." Peeta smiles satisfied and kisses the top of my head as he holds it. I run my fingers down the chain and over the heart that holds the pearl. I look at the water sparkling in the sun. What a perfect day. Peeta breaks out the cookies and we finish them before laying back down to dry. I clutch my pearl as I feel the sun soaking into me and relax listening to the water.   The next thing I know Peeta's waking me. "Hey"  He gives me a kiss "I heard thunder." I look around to find that the clouds have returned with a vengeance. Peeta grabs our clothes. I pull on my pants, as Peeta throws his shirt on. We put everything else in the basket and start home. Peeta's laughing. "I guess you were right about the rain." But his eyes are sparkling and I know he's not at all upset about this. I just shake my head and we are not five minutes out when I feel that first drop. "Oh no." And then it's coming down in sheets.  "Ah!" I scream running for cover under a nearby tree as I watch Peeta throw the basket over to me. He puts his head back whooping and skipping about. "Come on!" He motions for me to join him, but I'm still unsure. "Oh, come on it's fun!" He runs over and grabs my hand pulling me into the rain. In an instant I'm soaked. Peeta's laughing and holding onto both my hands spinning me around. I can't help myself, I give in to his laughter. When a flash of lightning lights up the sky, Peeta finally stops spinning and lifts me into the air and whispers, "You love me. Real or Not Real?"  I take his face in my hands and kiss him hard and full on the lips and hold him tight and tell him, "Real."   He puts his face close to mine dripping wet and tastes my lips again. I run my fingers through his hair and we don't let go until a loud crash of thunder forces us back to our senses. Peeta sets me down and we run back towards the concrete house. It's nice and dry inside so we decide to wait it out here. When Peeta stops to look at me I notice how good he looks all wet, from the rain. He's just lit up inside. And I can't help smile, "You know Peeta? I just wish I could freeze this moment and live in it forever," and I realize its because that's how I really feel. I put my head next to his. The warmth from our breathing feels good against the wet on my face.  "We can you know." He touches my cheek.  "I just want to spend every possible moment of the rest of my life with you." Peeta gives me that sad smile.  And I close my eyes and a thousand moments flood my mind of nights on the train, the hungering kisses, his comforting embraces, my head on his chest, 'always', and I want him, I want to be with the boy with the bread.   "Peeta that's just what I want." Peeta looks away for a moment like he's struggling, trying to decide something. Then he looks at me with such a serious expression.  "Katniss, do you really want that?" "All I know is how bad I need you. I want you forever." "Well then, would you... marry me?" 


	10. Chapter 10

    Peeta looks almost scared and unsure like he isn't sure if that's something he even can ask me. And I'm stunned. I feel my face harden as I try to think. Marriage. Something I said I'd never have. Something the capital wanted. But things are different now. It's just me and him. My feelings towards Peeta have always been complicated, but somehow ever since he tossed me that loaf of bread his kindness crept into my heart and rooted there and grew into a love I can't ignore any longer. And since the reaping he has been a part of my life. And I've struggled trying to find out exactly what he means to me, but now...He's all I have and all I want and all I hunger for. So I wrap my arms around him and hold him as tight as I can. Before I step back and nod "You're all I want."  Then we wait for a good 20 minutes until the rain finally stops. Peeta gives me one more kiss before we start back for home.  We take off our muddy shoes before running upstairs. "You should probably dry off Katniss you're all wet." I give Peeta a look. "You should dry off." and we laugh before heading upstairs. I decide to take a warm shower. As I feel the water I think of how I felt kissing Peeta in the rain. That hunger I feel when I kiss him was so strong. The warmth in my chest spread throughout my entire body and in that moment- he was all I wanted. I squint my eyes hard. This is something I never planed on feeling. I never planned on getting married, having a family- a husband.  But isn't Peeta my family already? I've decided I cannot live without him, so haven't I already broken that rule?  I can't keep doing this, putting these walls up. Forbidding things that in reality can make me happy. Like why I don't sing. I have to start living instead of fearing.  Peeta means everything to me, and I...I want to give him everything, this must mean that, I really do love him. And as I think about all this, I realize that I want to marry him. And I start laughing because the thought of this makes me happy. In fact I feel giddy with happiness. I throw my head back like Peeta did in the rain. And feel a wide grin on my face.  I want to, I actually want to marry Peeta. I hardly believe what I'm feeling but I like it. I get out of the shower feeling more free than I have ever felt in my life. I feel like singing so I start singing an old district love song that comes to mind. I take my time combing out my hair and drying it with a towel. I look in the mirror and smile and twirl around happy as a bird in flight. When I open the door, I almost step on Peeta.  "Oh, uh I was... I can't believe you were singing!" Peeta lifts me up in the air again and then sets me down.  "I just can't remember the last time I've felt so happy. I feel like I've started living again. When Prim died, I never thought that could be possible. You somehow brought me back from the dead." Peeta holds me for a minute before saying. "Katniss? Do you really want to do this, get married, I don't want you to just for me or something." I force him to look at me. "Peeta, I want to marry you because I want to. I want to be with you. Because...I..I love you." Peeta doesn't say anything. He just looks at me intently for a while, like he's seeing through me to my soul to see if he can believe me. I'm starting to get nervous when he smiles and kisses me. "I love you too."  That night we built a fire and had the toasting. We didn't have rings yet, but we said the traditional wedding vows everyone had memorized to each other.  Peeta and I take a piece of bread, toast it together, and share it. I decide that I want to give Peeta something, I want it to be special. The only thing though, that I can think of is an old love song my father used to sing. It's been playing in my head since I got out of the shower.  As I finish the piece of toast, I hold onto Peeta's arm and start to sing. It's about a man who has worked hard to earn the permission to marry his true love. And now he finally has her and she is worth everything. He asks her to be his love and they make their declarations known and never want to be apart.  My father used to sing this song to my mother on their anniversary. And some nights after we were put to bed, I could hear him singing this to her out on the porch. When I finish I look up to find that Peeta's eyes are watering, he doesn't try to hide it though, he just smiles at me in awe. "I can't believe this is real." He says. I reassure him with a kiss and another and another, and I hold him as close to me as I can so he knows I'm not going anywhere. I'm losing myself to my feelings when a pang of fear courses through me- no I can't do this, not now ... I just can't...and I sit back painfully stopping myself. Sometimes I think Peeta can read my mind. He gives me a knowing look and holds my head as I curl back up next to him. "Peeta, I.." "Shh, stop, it's okay. " I look into his eyes and know he understands.  I stare down at the ground and shiver.  The fire has died down so Peeta takes my hand and we go inside. I'm chilly so I light a fire and watch the flames play up and make shadows on my new husband's face. I love Peeta, I just don't feel like I could- just not yet, but I need to tell him how I'm feeling about the only thing nagging in my mind. "Peeta?"  "Yeah?" "I'm just afraid about, the possibility of... you know" "Children? Its okay, I know you're not ready for that and neither am I, now. But maybe someday?" He looks at me with pleading eyes, but I don't want to break his heart by telling him I never want to have kids, so I just say what I can bear to tell him, "Maybe, someday" Peeta smiles at me and strokes my hair back making little braids and untying them. I sense a feeling of relief inside and sigh. "Katniss? Did your father used to sing that song?" "Yeah, to my mother, until singing was pretty much banned. He meant the world to her." And I think now of the happy days the four of us used to spend together. "Thanks for sharing that with me. I love to hear you sing." He kisses me and I feel tired and fall asleep in front of the fireplace feeling safe and happy. 


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11   I wake up snuggled up in the covers. Peeta must have carried me up. I yawn and stretch and look around. It's early still and the sun's just coming up. I get up and go to the window wrapped in a sweater. It's a beautiful sunrise. I look over to Peeta, he looks so peaceful when he sleeps. He almost looks like he's smiling. I guess he didn't have any nightmares last night. That's good, in fact, with all the excitement yesterday I'd completely forgotten all about the Capital party that will be in 12 in just a couple weeks.  My heart sinks at the thought of getting all dressed up and standing in front of a crowd of people. How will Peeta be? Will he have a flashback and loose it in front of everyone? Will I loose it and start to cry or something foolish? I've been so weepy lately it wouldn't surprise me.  The thought of making rounds talking to well dressed people makes me sigh. Why does this sound all too familiar?  Maybe it's just all in my head, after all these are allies, not people I fear. I try to think of positive thoughts and feel a wave of tiredness hit me. So I get back into bed trying my best not to wake up Peeta. I lie down and fall asleep. I awaken to the familiar smell of bread baking in the oven. I sit up. Apparently Peeta has been up a while, if he's had time to put a bread in the oven. I get up change, braid my hair back, and head downstairs but stop halfway because I hear a voice I know. It's Haymich, what's he doing here at this hour I wonder? He's talking with Peeta about something.  "I know, I'm not exactly thrilled about it either, but I think it'd be good. People should see that Katniss is doing better. And you've been good too I think. Not so many of those flashbacks. It's really amazing- how well your doing since I first saw you when you came back to us in 13, you couldn't tell Katniss from a mutt, and now you can live under the same roof without hurting her. People should see." "Yeah, at least for Katniss." "You'll see it won't be as nightmarish as it seems. But unfortunately I got to order a suit. What use otherwise would I be doing with one?" And Haymich chuckles and says goodbye to Peeta.  I guess they were talking about the same thing that's been haunting me. The fabulous Party that's coming to 12 with us as the stars, the Victors of district 12. The star crossed lovers who miraculously made it out not one but 2 times. And celebrating the fact that this is something we never should have been. The fact that we don't have to fear for our children's lives. Remembering the lives of those who died, reminding us that they didn't die for nothing, but that we won the freedom from the games.  Thinking about it that way, I guess it's not such a bad idea, but I still don't want to go.  I shake my head returning from my thoughts and walk the rest of the way downstairs. Of course I find Peeta in the kitchen. He's cleaning up.  "Oh, hi Katniss. Did you sleep okay?" "Yeah, no nightmares" "Me either, it felt good sleeping through the whole night. You hungry?" Peeta says as he hands me a thick slice of the bread that just came out of the oven. "Yeah, thanks" I take the bread and pour myself a glass of milk and sit down to eat.  "I think I'll go into town today, check on the building, would you come with me?" I don't have anything better to do.  "Sure. That sounds good and I can check on Greasy Sae, let her know I'm alright." "Okay." After I finish, we head out. "Have you seen Johanna lately?" I ask. Peeta nods, "She's been busy with the hospital build, she hasn't been home much, and I guess she's been catching most of her meals there because she hasn't been over in days." "Yeah unless cooking is her new hobby." Peeta and I both laugh at this because we know she really doesn't have that kind of patience. In fact I can hear her from here telling somebody off about the way they are doing something wrong. I haven't been in town in a while and I'm surprised at how the place has transformed. The new Justice Building is all done and remember that we need to go there to pick up our marriage license. We should probably get rings too, but I don't know where. All the houses are new and you can see big areas of farmland with vegetables growing. Kids run around playing and laughing. So different than it used to be. When everyone looked so unhealthy and thin, dressed in worn out clothes they've worn for years. Now everything looks healthy and new. Johanna spots me and waves and comes down to say hi.  "Hiya stranger. How do you like my new project? Would you believe I have to teach some of these guys how to use a hammer? Why would they send people who don't know what they are doing. Oh well, lucky I'm such a good teacher." She smiles and I chuckle thinking of her just yelling at that guy. Great teacher.  "Yeah good thing. I just came to check things out and see Sae. Did you hear about the party?" "Of course, that all everybody's talking about. Of course that makes me popular, but I mostly ignore it. Yeah I'm really looking forward to seeing a bunch of people I don't know and dressing up in some stupid dress." "Some people we'll know, like Annie right?" "Well if they decide to come, she will have been to the party in 4 already." Hearing her say this makes my heart sink. "But from what I hear a lot of people are coming to 12 because you can't leave this place. Apparently they still want to see you. Isn't that nice? This is going to be the biggest shadoo, right here." Oh great, so maybe that's what Haymich meant. They want to know I'm not totally crazy. Even though I'm labeled deranged.  "I didn't realize that. Well I hope she decides to come - be nice to see the baby." "Yeah I guess. " "Well I'm heading over to see Sae." "Okay see ya!"   I look over to see that Peeta's busy talking with Thom and holding up the blueprints and motioning with his hands. His hair is brushed back and already wet with sweat from the beating sun. And I head over to The Market. The Market is much like the old hob, a place where we go to trade and buy things. I head over to her stand and she greets me with with her half smile.  "Hi girl, how've you been?" "I'm doing really good, how are you?" "Good, except not too many people are buying my yarn today, guess its not in demand this time of year." "I'll take some, I was thinking of knitting some scarves for the kids in town, give me something to do." I buy two rolls of yarn one red and one blue. "Thanks, how's your granddaughter?" "Fine, she's all ready to go back to school though, likes it better than being home with me." She chuckles. "What color do you think she'd like?" "The red I think, you ready for the party?" "Ready as I'll ever be I guess." "Try to enjoy yourself, it really is something to celebrate you know. The end of the games and all. Life's a lot better now." I nod. "I'll try, thanks for the yarn." "Your welcome dear."  I know what I must do now, I take a gulp and head over to the local doctor who knows me. I explain to him my situation and they give me a pill I am to take every month for birth control. I take it in the office, not that I plan on anything, but it will make me feel safer. Sometimes at night when he kisses me I feel like I can't stop, but the fear is enough to bring me to my senses. And I hate that feeling, the fear, so I hope the pill helps with that. Then I head back to find Peeta. He's got a hat on and is hammering nails into a large piece of wood, he's hauling it up when he notices me. He smiles and when he's done with that section he shakes Thom's hand and runs over to me. He looks back at the half built bakery. "So what do you think?" It doesn't really look like much now but I know how much it means to Peeta.  "It looks great, so it's going okay?" "Oh yeah the foundation is all done and once the walls are all up it'll be done in no time." Peeta's soaked in sweat but he looks happy from the exertion. He leans close to my ear and whispers, "So, are you ready to go to the justice building?" He lifts up his eyebrows in question. I look down and smile before I look at him.  "Come on" I take his hand and we walk over to the brand new justice building. I'm glad they built a new one the old building brought back too many bad memories. My palms start to sweat as Peeta opens the large glass door for me. I feel stunned in anticipation and am hardly even aware of my surroundings. Peeta leads me down a long hallway that's a dark green and gold color. Everything even smells new. We turn and Peeta opens another door and we go up to a desk. Peeta talks to a small older woman and explains that we want a marriage certificate. We sign a whole bunch of papers that determine where we are going to live and that we said our vows. Finally the woman hands Peeta a shiny piece of paper and congratulates us and we can finally leave. My head feels like its spinning and I can't wait to get outside in the fresh air. I tell Peeta I have to sit down. I feel better sitting on the steps. He looks at me worried now.  "Katniss is everything okay?" "I think I just needed to get out of there" "Why? I thought the new building was nice." "I don't know I was just feeling nervous I guess." I force a smile. "So what now?" "Well I was thinking, since we're now official we should probably have rings. I think we'll have to order them though, I don't think that's something we'd find at the market." Peeta smiles. "Katniss, is this okay, I feel bad we didn't have the usual ceremony with the town singing the special song and you dressed all in white or anything."  "Who would be there anyway? Besides now I think this suits us better. I don't want to draw a bunch of attention from the capital." The capital, and then it dawns on me, what are we going to tell everyone at the capital party? This was something I never thought of. That's the last thing I want is a bunch of nosy reporters breathing down our necks asking for every detail just when things are sort if returning to normalcy.  "Oh Peeta, what are we going to do about the big capital celebration. What are we going to say?" "Why not tell them the truth?" "I don't want them pestering us with a while bunch of questions. Oh I don't know...I really don't want to think about it now though."  I feel a headache coming on, and a thought crosses my mind "Have you looked already for rings?" I ask. Peeta's trying to hide his embarrassment. "I confess when I ordered the silver chain, I did look at some rings but I didn't buy them because I didn't know how you felt. I didn't know if it was something you'd even be willing to go through with." He kisses me lightly on my cheek. "Well you know before you surprised me." Peeta gives me a sheepish look that turns into a big grin. And he offers me a hand up.  "So where too now?"  "Home I guess, unless you have something else to do in town." I look around "No I don't."  Peeta takes my hand and we head on home. On the way back I feel a pain starting in the place I get headaches. I tell Peeta about the doctor hoping that what I did was alright. He wraps his arms around me and agrees that I did the right thing. We are almost home when he squeezes my hand and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "I love you."  As we walk up the porch I realize my head is starting to pound so I tell Peeta I have to lie down and head upstairs. I stumble over to my side of the bed when my foot hits something hard.  "Ow!" I massage my foot and look down angrily at the object that caused me pain. It's a large box with my name on it. I suddenly remember Peeta telling me that Effie sent me a package. So I crumple on the floor and open it. Inside I can't believe what I find. It's a boxful of the dresses I supposedly made back when it was supposed to be my talent. In reality they were beautiful creations of Cinna. I run my fingers over a dark blue velvet dress when I find a note.  Dear Katniss, How are you? We came across these clothes of yours when we went through your old room on the train. I can't wait to see you and Peeta when we come to 12! I was hoping you'll wear one of these they look so beautiful on you. Hope that you are better now. See you really soon! Love, Effie  A smile creeps on my face when I see no mention of Haymich. Yeah she probably can't wait to see him. This makes me chuckle a little and I pull the covers over my head and try to rest. Peeta comes up after a while. He peeks in and when he sees I'm not asleep he comes over and sits by me.  "How's your head?" "Better, I took something for the pain" "That's good." Peeta has something in his hand.  "What's that?" He brings a piece of paper over to show me. "I was thinking of ordering these" Peeta shows me a classic set of gold wedding rings. They look like the ones my parents had. "They're nice, you should get them." "Okay, I wanted to ask you first." Peeta takes my hand and holds it up to his lips and kisses the back of it. He sets my hand back down next to me but hasn't let it go.  "I opened the box from Effie. It was a bunch of dresses Cinna made." "Oh." He gives me a sad look, "Are you going to wear one of them?" "Yeah I think so...for Cinna, maybe Johanna will wear one too" "Are you hungry?" It's like my stomach heard him because it makes this loud grumbling noise and I have to laugh. "Come on downstairs."  I get up and walk downstairs with my soft tread and Peeta's heavy one. Some things will never change, I'm glad. I'm surprised to see that Peeta has the table set with candles lit. They give off a soft glow to the room and I see he brought over my mothers fancy dishes.  "What's all this?" "Well I thought you at least deserved a nice dinner, I fixed us a beef stew, is that okay?" I'm so hungry I'd be happy with Sae's wild dog creation. "That sounds great. I'm really hungry too." I sit down as Peeta fills my plate and sits down next to me. "Have you thought about what your going to wear?" I ask. "I have a bunch of suits in my closet. I think they're in there from the victory tour." "So much has changed since then-so much is gone" I say sadly. Peeta takes my hands from across the table. "We have each other now, we will be okay, and the celebration is just one night we'll get through it." I nod because I know he's right, "I know." As I'm finishing up Peeta pulls out a small cake he hid in the oven. It's white with orange lilies that circle down the side. Two real flowers are on the top, both red lilies. He takes one of the flowers off and sticks it in my braid.  "When did you have time to do all this?" Everything is beautiful. Cakes are Peeta's favorite, he loves to decorate with frosting. But he hasn't had much opportunity to bake something like this for a while. "Oh, earlier when you were still asleep." He says is in an all too satisfied manner. I take a bit of frosting with my finger and stick it in my mouth. "Mmm it tastes as good as it looks." I come over and give him a kiss, as he cuts me a piece.  "Let's go out on the porch." "Okay." We take our plates out the front door and Peeta sits on the bench he usually paints at, and I sit next to him. The sun is just starting to set when I clean my plate. Peeta's eyes are fixated on the orange ball that the sun becomes and the clouds look streaked with pink and red. I look at him, "It's going to be a nice day tomorrow." "What?"  "That's what my father used to tell me, when the sunset looked like this. A red sky at sunset means a nice day." Peeta smiles and I rest my head on his shoulder and he leans his next to mine. He entwines his fingers in mine as I hum a mountain air song until the orange ball sinks into the earth darkening the sky. Leaving just a glow behind the trees. I hear crickets chirp and see a couple lights twinkle from the fireflies.  I think of all Peeta's done tonight, making dinner special and everything. The way he acts so kind and sweet towards me. He really is like his old self so much, I can hardly tell the difference most times. Except for those days... he locks himself in his room to paint, but it never lasts more than a day and I have him back again. I squeeze Peeta's arm, "Thanks...for the cake and dinner and everything, it was really nice. I kinda wish we had our rings, it'd make everything complete." I look up to see his expression. He looks content but tired. "Yeah, well they'll be here in a few days." We go inside finally when I get a chill and feel like lighting a small fire inside. I volunteer to clean up the dishes and wrap a plate up for Haymich, as Peeta sits on the couch and puts the television on. I hear the distant chatter of the usual reporter. I'm just about done when Peeta calls me. I come into the living room and am surprised to see  a familiar face... it's Gale.  Peeta mentions that its the celebration going on in 2 tonight. Gale looks robust and happy cheering with the crowd. He makes a speech about how we are all thankful to be rid of Snow and his games. He recalls the battles in the Capital and how it was a long journey to recover our freedom but how it was worth it. All the new builds going on and the new developments.   All I can think of is how I hope he's moved on from me, I hope he's happy there.  After his speech he is swarmed by reporters asking him questions about two and how it's rebounded when he's asked a question about me. I sit down now on the couch.  "Do you hear from Katniss Everdeen, who fought beside you in the war?" "Well to be honest we really haven't kept in touch, after she was sentenced to 12 I got too involved here. But I hope she's okay." Another reporter pipes in "Do you plan on going to the celebration in 12 to see her?" He pauses for a moment. "Yeah I do, but not just to see her, I want to see 12 too, I know a lot has changed since I've been there last and would like to see my old home."  Then they show Plutarch and a bunch of people I don't know. I stare at the floor lost in thought. Well he seems happy enough to come here. I wish we could be friends and things could go back to the way they were, but I can't shake the fact that he was so involved with the people that turned my sister into a torch. But I want to see him, I want to know that he's happy now and that he's moved on, like I have.  I look over to see that Peeta's staring at me, lines have formed between his eyebrows and he looks at me like he's waiting for me to explode or something. A give him a smile and move closer to him and take his hand.  "I'm okay, are you?" Peeta looks down and nods.  I think a moment about what Peeta might be thinking. He can't possibly think I care for Gale can he? "I want to know that Gale's moved on...like I have." This brings some light back into Peeta's eyes.  "So are you done in there?" He motions toward the kitchen. "Yep all done, I even made a plate for Haymich." I say with a yawn.  "Good job. Tired?" I nod as I get up and make my way upstairs. I'm feeling warm now from the fire so I change into a sleeveless top and some loose pants, and snuggle next to Peeta. He takes out my braid and smooths my hair back before I lean in to give him a kiss. His lips feel warm against mine until he lets go and kisses my forehead and says goodnight. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thanks so much for all of your support I'm not about to give up this work anytime soon! So I'll be posting lots more:) hope you enjoy chapter 12!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx so so much! Remember to comment your thoughts

12    Today was going to be a good day. As the sun shines in our room brightly, I remember that I have not done any real hunting in while, I could use a day in the woods. Peeta's still sleeping so I get up careful not to wake him, he had a rough night and was up painting the last time I was up. I've learned not to bother him when he paints his nightmares. The thought of being in that room sends shivers down my spine. I dress, braid my hair back and head downstairs.   When I first started staying at Peeta's house I brought over most of my clothes but my hunting jacket is still at my designated home. I write a brief note so Peeta will know where I've gone before I leave the house. It's still early and the sun is still creeping up into the sky.  I take a deep breath before I open the door. Things look eerily unchanged. It even looks clean. I look over to the table where Gale laid the day he was tortured for having that turkey. I look away from this memory and head upstairs.  I got to take my most precious belongings back home with me to 12. That included my locket from Peeta, the spiel from the quell, the family plant book, my pearl and my hunting jacket. I slip the coat on and feel the supple leather, thinking of how comforting it feels on. I bring the rest of my things downstairs in a box and plan to put them in the room Peeta gave me where I keep my clothes later. I'm glad I don't have to live here by myself anymore, it's too torturous for me to be here and not hear Prim's giggle or even the sight of my mother treating patients. It's just a part of my old life now that I must push aside. I tuck my braid in a cap that I sometimes wear hunting, haul the box of mine out the door, put it on Peeta's porch and head to the woods.   The sun's up now but it's cool in amongst the trees. I walk on my hunters tread for a while before the place comes alive with birds and squirrels. I'm waiting for a little bigger game that can last us a while- a couple rabbits or maybe even a doe. It's the middle of summer, there should be some around. I take down a couple squirrels and a rabbit before I move on. I don't have any snares set up since I don't need to catch that many anymore to trade. And I can't help it- this place feels like home. It isn't until I catch another rabbit that I start heading back.  Well I guess I did pretty good, I've got two squirrels and two rabbits. That will feed us for a day or two. Just then a flock of pheasant flies off and I'm able to take three of those down. Feeling a bit better I continue the trek back. I get back into town before noon and notice there is a lot of commotion. As I get closer I notice that part of the hospital being built has collapsed. I gasp and run to see if I can help. Tents have been set up as a makeshift hospital where the doctors are treating some that were injured. I look around for Johanna, when I hear her screem. I run to her voice and find her surrounded by a doctor and a few of his assistants.   "What happened? Johanna are you okay?" "What do you think brainless." She curses at the pain. The doctor by her bed looks to me and speaks.  "Her ankle was dislocated when the section collapsed. I had to set it back. " He's good looking, tall and has dark hair and looks about in his mid-twenties. He goes back to Johanna and puts some cold packs on her ankle. "Hey you could have been hurt much worse." "I think I did pretty good thanks." She says with a smile.  "You just rest I'll be back soon with something else for pain." He gives her shoulder a pat and leaves the room.  "So what happened?" I ask.  She grumbles and rolls her eyes. "Somebody didn't secure the base well enough. A big place like that needs a solid foundation." She snorts, "Idiots" "Well I'm glad you didn't break something or worse." "Yeah I can lick this. We're victors after all." She gives me a sly smile and tries to get up. But yelps when she puts pressure on her heel. Just then the doctor comes in. "And just what do you think your doing? I said to stay put."  Johanna tries to fight him, but he looks her in the eye and somehow is able to calm her down. "Look I need you to take these, it will help with the swelling and the pain. Can you do that for me." I watch Johanna transform and smile a little and its as if she's under a trance or something. She just stares back at him and does what he says. He smiles at her in a way that acts like he really cares about her. And when he leaves her eyes stay fixated on him as if she doesn't even notice I'm there. I run out to find the doctor.  "Hey is there anything I can do for her?" I ask as I walk after him. He turns when he sees I'm following him. "Oh, sorry, I gave her something that will make her sleep for a while, you're Katniss Everdeen aren't you? Then you live next to her right?" "Yeah, we're a couple houses apart." He thinks for a minute, when I see Peeta run up to me.  "I just heard what happened. Is everyone alright?" The doctor turns to Peeta, "There were no serious injuries. A few broken bones and sprains." I speak up, "Peeta, Johanna had a dislocated ankle, she's okay though and is sleeping now." Peeta sighs in relief, and the doctor offers to wheel Johanna home in an hour. Peeta introduces himself and describes which house is hers and I mention that I'll be home and can come over to help.   I tell Peeta I'm going back to get the game I left in the meadow. He nods and continues talking with the doctor. I shake my head thinking of the way feisty Johanna melted earlier and find the squirrels and rabbits thrown around. I walk around gathering them up and head home to clean them. I prefer to clean all the game I catch when Peeta's not around. I have a feeling the sight and smell of blood would not be good for him. He did cook a couple squirrels a while ago but I could tell he was uneasy skinning them. It's the least I can do. When I notice a scruffy cat come over hissing at me.   "Hey ugly." I rarely see that animal anymore, it used to hang around Peeta, that is until I started to hang around his place. Now I only see him when he wants my scraps which I always give him. I toss him the entrails and clean myself up. As I scrub off I think of the capital celebration, it will be here in less than ten days. I can't help think about it. Whenever I'm alone lately it creeps into my mind. Who will come?... All these scenarios of different things that could happen seeing Gale again swim in my mind. Peeta overreacting. Gale setting me off. Mental breakdowns in front of all of Panem. Peeta turning into the mutt version of himself. Lights flashing. And I feel myself hyperventilating. So I squint my eyes shut and begin my list.  My name is Katniss Everdeen.  I'm in district 12. District 12 is my home. Peeta is safe now with me. We're going to be okay. We're going to be okay.  I take a deep breath and step out of the shower. I quickly dry off and dress, remembering Johanna will need my help soon. I run downstairs and sit on the porch for awhile until I see a very unhappy Johanna being pushed in a wheelchair by a nurse. She's screaming profanities and I see now she is strapped in the chair. I run to meet them. "Finally, Katniss, tell her I don't need to be in this thing!" The nurse is patient with her,"The doctor says you only feel like walking because of the meds. Walking will only make it worse though."  She crosses her arms, unconvinced, over her chest. And grumbles until we get her up the steps. "Doctor Marshall will be by later to check on you dear. Just try to rest until then." "Thanks I'll stay with her." I say and the nurse thanks me and leaves. I turn to my new patient and put my hands on my hips. "So, what do you feel like doing?" "Getting off this chair." "Wrong question, How about a glass of juice?" I say looking in her fridge.  "Why not?" I bring over to her some fresh orange juice and a couple cookies from Peeta no doubt. She takes them and finishes everything in no time.  "Did you have lunch?" I ask realizing I haven't had anything all day. "No and it's almost dinner time." Johanna huffs.  "Well, I can fix us some sandwiches." "I'm so hungry I'd even eat your cooking." I stomp over to her kitchen offended and look around for an apple and some cheese. I decide to fix the same thing Peeta packed us on our picnic. I grasp the pearl around my neck thinking of that day and go back to serving the worst patient in the world. I give a bow mockingly as I hand Johanna her lunch which I think turned out quite nice. I watch her tentatively take a bite and smile. "It's actually good" I give her a smirk and eat mine about as fast as she does. After she ate Johanna falls fast asleep.   I go over to the window wondering what's taking Peeta, when I notice a man in a white coat coming. As the person gets closer I see its Dr. Marshall apparently. I open the door when I see he's walking up the steps. "Hi Katniss, how's the patient?" He smiles. A big pain, I feel like saying. "Okay, sleeping." I roll my eyes when I hear a voice behind me.  "Katniss who is that?" I force a smile and let the doctor in. "It's Dr Marshall." Johanna's jaw drops and she hastily smooths her hair back with some spit and smiles like the angel that she definitely is not. "Hello doctor." "How's my patient?".  "Oh fine."  I sit down in a chair next to her. "She was swearing like a..." When she kicks me in the shin with her good leg. I shoot her a look as I rub my shin.  Johanna laughs, "Well the ride over was pretty uncomfortable." Dr Marshall looks from me to her, "You have to stay off it for a week." "A week!" She screams. "Yes, it's the only way it can heal. If you cooperate it will be better before you know it." He smiles pleasant and Johanna's face softens. "In that case...I'll have to try to control myself."   A whole week caring for a grumpy demanding Johanna. The look on my face must resemble a look of horror because Dr Marshall suggests a nurse come to help her, right now Johanna listens to anything that comes out of his mouth. He could say the moon was made of cheese and I think she'd believe him. I'm thankful though. I don't think I could take it. And finally I see Peeta walking up to his house. Oh good. I excuse myself and thank the doctor who is sending a nurse over immediately, and walk over to Peeta's house. As I walk up the porch steps I remember my box and see it's not there. Peeta must have carried it in. I walk in to see him fixing dinner. I feel tired and I guess I must look it because when Peeta sees me he wipes his hands on his apron and comes over to give me a hug.  I allow myself a sigh and pull him closer. "Hey, are you alright?" "Yeah I am now, what a day."  He nods, "I found all the meat in the fridge, I wasn't shure what to do with the rabbit. Should I just cook it on the stove?" "Yeah with some herbs, that'd be good."  "You must be tired."  I follow Peeta into the kitchen and lean on the counter watching him at work. He's so concentrated on whatever he is working on. He always puts his whole self in what he does, and I have to admit that I love that about him. That, and the fact that he's more talented than I'll ever be. I yawn when everything's about done and go to set the table. The orange juice from earlier lingers in my mouth and I want another glass, so I cut some fruit and make juice. I love cold orange juice and remember my first time having it with Peeta on the train to the Capital. Even though its not in season, fruit and food that we can't grow here gets shipped in every week. When I'm done with what I still consider a delicacy, my plate is full and I sit down and dig in. Everything is really good as usual. Since Peeta has been determined the designated cook, I often clean up. I can make stew, soup and cook up meat all right, but he enjoys it, and I don't. I'd rather hunt. So it works out. I'm thinking this when Peeta starts talking. "So you were at Johanna's earlier?" I tell him what a pain she was being for me and how she calmed down and did whatever the doctor said while he was there. And how thankfully a nurse is taking over full time until she's all healed. "That's good, she has got to be in shape for the big celebration." Oh why'd he have to bring that up. "You should have seen how she was acting. I think she's got a crush on him." Peeta's eyes widen, "Johanna? In love?" Then he starts cracking up. "I just have to see it. I honestly can't imagine her like that. " I just smile. "And thanks for cooking, you spoil me you know. "   Peeta backs me up to the counter and smiles wryly. "I wonder how you can repay me?" He leans in waiting for me to kiss him, but I just kiss his nose lightly. "I'll think of something."   Peeta takes a plate over to Johanna and Haymich. I'm glad he checks on him. From what I remember Haymich's place resembles a pig pen- messy and dirty. He should get someone to clean for him again. When Peeta gets back we watch the sunset as usual, it's kind of cloudy tonight so it sets faster, and I'm ready for bed. I'm snuggled in the sheets as I watch Peeta lean on the windowsill, there's a cool breeze that feels good after the hot day, that blows his hair. I close my eyes and before I know it I hear Peeta blow out the candle by his side of the bed and I feel his warmth by me.  


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your constant comments keep them coming and a shoutout to juststella you are a goddess! Love you!!!!! Hope you enjoy 13

CHAPTER 13    I wake up to an unusual smell. I wrinkle my nose and open my eyes. I didn't wake up at all last night. My hand searches for Peeta but he's not there, and that's when I hear his voice, "Oh your up." I sit up to find Peeta sitting in a chair with a canvas set up on an easel on my side if the room.  "What are you up to..."  He stirs nervously, then it hits me. "You're not painting me are you?" I'm more embarrassed than anything. And I get up to confirm my suspicions. Peeta gives me a guilty look but his eyes are pleading for forgiveness. "I like watching you sleep, you look peaceful. I was hoping to be finished before you woke up."  Peeta makes me look more beautiful than I think I really look. My skin has a fresh glow to it and my lashes are thick and dark. I look happy though, and the anger that rushed up inside me has died down.  I look at him and smile, I just can't be mad at him. "I guess I don't mind, and I admit its probably the nicest picture you have of me."   In the other ones that he painted of me I look dirty and sick in the arena, or the shiny mutt version of me that I don't even want to remember. Peeta sets his paint and brushes down and comes over by me. He wraps his arms around my frame and runs his hands up my back and kisses me.  "I love you."  I don't know what made him say this now, maybe he thinks I'm still upset with him, "I love you too, did you have a bad night?" "Mm, no I was just up early." I'm glad, I feel bad when he's up with them without me. I thrash around so much when I'm having a nightmare, I can't help but get him up, and then he usually has to shake me awake. "I have some things to pick up at the train today. Do you want to come?" I think of the last time he left and how I got all depressed, I guess I should see how Johanna's doing but... "Yeah Ill come." I look at the clock, it's a little after 10. Usually the train arrives at noon or so.  Peeta decides to take a shower while I dress and head downstairs. The Capital will be here in 3 days. The justice building has been decorated with flowers and the whole town is getting ready. Finding something fancy to wear, selling special flags to wave in the square with what else but Mockingjay's on them. The symbol of the revolution has trademarked by our new peace period along with our new president, Paylor from eight. I guess she's been attending every one of Plutarch's celebrations. I can imagine the ball he's having with all this.  I'm surprised at all the people who have come here ahead of time to help us get ready and await to attend.   Then I hear Peeta come down the stairs with his hair still wet. He comes by me and pulls me into another kiss. Well he's in a good mood today. I smile. Peeta fixes us some bacon and I don't feel like having eggs for some reason so I have the meat and toast. There are a couple sweet rolls he made a few days ago left so I put one of those on my plate as well. They have cinnamon and nutmeg in them with a sugary glaze on top I love.   When we're finished we check on Johanna.  "Well hello stranger." "Hi Johanna, how are you doing?" I feel bad because I didn't see her yesterday. I wasn't feeling good so Peeta let me sleep the whole day. "Oh I'm doing great. Dr Marshall is very proud if me. He says I'm his star patient." She grins very satisfied with  herself. Peeta gives me a look.  "Yeah you look good, can you walk on it today?" "A little, it feels fine but he wants me to take it easy today, but by tomorrow I should be as good as new." "That's great, so do you know if Dr Marshall's going to the party?" "I should think so!" Johanna pouts, "Why wouldn't he be there, he is very important." "Why don't you ask him to go with you?" I ask  Johanna scoffs at me and narrows her eyes "Uh, why would I do that?" "Because you like him brainless." I kid her. "Says who?" "Okay, fine don't ask him, it was just a thought." Johanna rolls her eyes, "We'll see."  And Peeta and I decide to leave for town. I'm surprised at how the place has transformed. Rows of flowers hang from roof to roof, along with the mockingjay flags. Everything feels very festive and you can feel the anticipation in the air.  As we approach the station, who else do I see but Effie Trinket. She squeals when she notices us and prances up to where we stand in her gold shimmering heels and wig. Remarkably Effie has changed very little since the war. Peeta gives her a warm hug before she embraces me. "Oh! How good it is to see you two again! You look so much better than the last time I saw you." Of course she's here to keep everything on schedule. She's staying at a house in the victors village, where many of the new guests for the party are staying. Peeta gathers some packages to bring back that he's ordered, along with a box for Haymich. Meanwhile Effie prattles on about the ride and how the other celebrations went, but nothing is going to be as exiting as the one here.  She pulls out her clipboard. "Lets see, Plutarch and the others will arrive tomorrow, the band is here already. Oh the catering! I hope they get here soon. Katniss it was a nightmare, in three they arrived late and everything was backed up. And Ceasar will be coming the day after to prepare for the interviews." Interviews? What's she talking about. "Effie what interviews?" "Why when Ceasar will interview you victors... oh no! Don't tell me you did not know!"   I'm in horror, going was bad enough but an interview with the Mockingjay? This I was totally not prepared for. "But shurly you noticed how he interviewed others in the other districts. Katniss you must tell Peeta right away, they are hoping to interview the two of you together. You will do it won't you?"   Effie looks so concerned, and after all this how can I back out. Then I will really look crazy. "Of course Effie" I sound as uneasy as I feel but Effie doesn't seem to notice. "Oh! Thank goodness. And Katniss we have a surprise for you! But you won't find out until the day of!" She squeals.  She seems so exited to be in on something that will make me happy I can't help but smile. I guess I can do this, ugh, the thought makes my stomach churn and my palms sweat. So I'm thankful when Peeta comes up so I can go home. When Peeta comes back Effie waves us off because she has a million things to do, so we decide to head back home.  I try to think of a way to tell him. "Peeta...Effie just told me something about the party." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, it seems that Caesar is planning on interviewing us." Peeta stops in his tracks and starts shaking and drops his packages. His pupils dilate and he squints his eyes shut digging his fingernails into his wrist.  "Peeta!" I wrap myself around him and realize his muscles are clenched and hard as metal and his shaking gets worse. He's muttering words I can't understand. I try to calm him down, say soothing things. Thank goodness no one is around, and I manage to get him to sit down under a tree. "Peeta it's okay." He finally stops shaking and his hands relax a bit, but he hasn't opened his eyes and he feels as tense as stone still. I notice that he's bleeding from where his nails were digging, he must have been holding on awfully tight.  "What is it?" I say as I grasp his hands in mine. I lean in and kiss him, but he's still upset. He just sits there for a while refusing to speak or move, until he finally opens his eyes and tries to pull himself together.  He drops his head in my arms exhausted. He has a tremble in his voice. "Agh, that was bad. It's just the last time I was interviewed...." And I see his blood splattered all over the tiles, my heart sinks into my stomach at the memory. "...and all the flashbacks came back."  He pauses, "I didn't want to hurt you though." Peeta straightens up concentrating.  "That's different, I just felt paralyzed with fear, like I couldn't move."  I hold him for a while though until I see someone coming, then I help Peeta pick up the packages and I walk him home. I haven't seen him like this. He looks white as a ghost. When we get inside I get the first aid supplies from the bathroom and wrap up Peeta's wrist with anteseptic and an ointment that prevents infection.  I hold him on the couch, his eyes are closed. I feel so bad, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen, what I feared about most. But at least he'll have me this time, right? I smile weakly. "Peeta, it will be okay. Remember things are different now, and I'll be right by you. No one is going to hurt you, I won't let them, I forbid it. I won't let that happen. We can do this together. You are a lot better, you are, this is just a little setback, but you'll be okay." I rub circles on his chest and try to sound calm and soothing the best I can. He rests for about an hour, before he opens his eyes again.   "Peeta, are you okay?" I ask, so worried about him. He sits up, "I don't get it, I was doing really good. Why does it still come back like that?"  "Hey, no one has brought up...you know, what set you off." "The interview." "Since you've been back. It was the first time you had to face those specific memories." He thinks for a minute. "I just hope it doesn't happen again." I take his hand, "I'll be right beside you" He gives me a smile, "Oh that will definitely help."  Then he gives me a kiss, and I relax now that he's alright.  Two more days, two more days and it will be over and we'll be safe again.  


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready for the celebration in 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all your support shoutout to @seamkid you rock!!!

 The next day is a swarm of things, Effie takes us to where the stage is set up and explains where the two of us will sit and walk out. Johanna seems to be the only one exited. She's going to be interviewed too. We rehearse for a bit until we get it right and then the next train arrives.  Tomorrow though will be crazy. All the last minute set ups. Lights and decorations are brought into the Justice Building where Plutarch and Paylor will both give a speech. A dance and a lavish display of food is expected as well. I notice Plutarch get off the train.  He's clearly brimming with excitement. Lavish parties are his dream.   When we are finally done, I decide to bring Johanna over to pick out a dress. She lights up and practically pushes me out of the way to get a good look at all the dresses.  She holds them all up to herself in the mirror trying to decide. "What do you think of this one?" She holds up a light pink dress that has a lot of skirt. It's very pretty. "It's nice" "I want to look amazing, not 'nice.' " She frowns disappointed at my response, when she gasps holding up a dark blue velvet dress. It shimmers like a night sky, and its off the shoulder. "This is it, It's stunning. Oh in fact I remember you wearing this one." She jumps up and down before trying it on. With her brown eyes it looks really beautiful on her. And is a perfect fit.  "You look beautiful, I like that one the best on you." She grins twirling around. "Katniss, we have to find one for you now."  I stand and try things on at Johanna's request. "Let's see what kind of look do you want to go for, fierce? Sweet? Definitely not crazy. Hmm...something that screams confidence." She holds up a v-neck dark red dress that has black lace over it, "Ooh this is fierce and confident. Try it on." When we get it on me Johanna stands back, "I think it screams you. It's dark and yet not really. With the right makeup it could be just what you need." Hearing Johanna talk is like having a stylist in the room. I like it. "Yeah I guess I'll wear it."  Peeta has been trying to sober Haymich up for the event. He's been over there a lot and baking ever since we got back yesterday. I go downstairs where Peeta's kneading a dough with the dress still on to see what he thinks. "Peeta what do you think?"  He turns in my direction and gapes.  He nods, "You look... so different." I wonder what he means. "Is that okay?I have a ton of other ones." "Oh it's fine, it reminds me of how you looked on the chariot."  I go up stairs not shure still if he likes it or not. "So what did he think?" "I don't know, he said I looked different." "Well duh, of course you do." She rolls her eyes and sighs loudly. "Maybe it's too much" She digs around in my closet and picks out a few more: a red one that is form fitting and long, an orange dress that sparkles with long silk sleeves, and a maroon one that shimmers with diamonds and falls off the shoulders. I try them all on again. Johanna likes the maroon one the best. But tells me not to show Peeta, because he apparently might not appreciate it the way she does, and Johanna is happy with her choice. I wonder if the orange one might be the most calming for Peeta, but don't say anything. I can always change my mind.  It's a rough night, Peeta tosses and turns for a while before deciding to get up. I pretend I'm sleeping hoping that the real thing will follow, but it doesn't. I'm too nervous and Peeta's not there to hold me because he's haunted as well. He tries to hide it but I can tell that he's uneasy. I'm hoping that he'll be alright for the interview. Then I hear the faint sound of music. Curious I get up to inspect the sound. No doubt it's Peeta, and I can tell as I get closer that he's playing the lullaby he played for me. I open the door, and he gets up. "Katniss are you alright? I hope I didn't wake you." "No I was up and heard you." I come over and sit by him desperate for his comfort.  "I can't sleep, and wanted to hear this song. I find it comforting." I like this idea better than the paintings so I try to encourage it. "Play it again." I wrap my arm around his, as he begins again. It sounds nice and I try to let the notes calm my mind. I find myself relaxing when I hear Peeta start to sing along. I smile and tentatively start to join him. I usually sing just when I'm alone, but I shouldn't mind doing in in front of Peeta. Especially when I know how much he likes it. When he finishes we decide to try sleeping again. Peeta's arms make me feel more relaxed now and soon I feel myself dozing.  


	15. The Celbration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my longest chapter yet ! I love u all for reading my story each and every one of you. Keep the comments coming I enjoy your thoughts and it helps me get to know you better too! Love and hugs 

I wake up when I feel the sun come in the window and find that Peeta is holding on to me tightly. I stroke his hair. He's sleeping but he's not relaxed at all. I sigh thinking about today and how I hope we all will really be okay. It doesn't seem like a big deal to others, but for us it is. What would they do if Peeta got up and started screaming and shaking? They wouldn't take him away from me, back to the Capital would they? No that would be too cruel. And I feel anger making my heart race. No they can't take him away from me, I won't let them! He needs me. But that's not going to happen. It's going to be alright, it just has to be.

I hear a noise downstairs and wonder if its Effie, letting us know we have a big, big, day ahead. I kiss Peeta, and his eyes flutter open. He lets out a sigh and relaxes.  
"Hey, I think someone's down stairs."  
"Oh right, it's the big day " he forces a smile.  
"Yeah, how do you feel?"  
"Oh probably as easy as you do, I'll be fine, don't worry. I've got you." He holds me a minute and I can't believe who barges in. It's my prep team.

Octavia bursts into tears.  
"Oh I can't believe your finally together!"  
Vienna hides her feelings better,"We're here to get you ready for the big day!"  
And Flavius makes a comment about my skin.  
When I look at Peeta I see he's pulled away from me and looks unsure. I give him a kiss on the cheek and he comes back.  
"Oh, should I leave you?"

Vienna pipes, "oh! We can wait down stairs. We're here to prep all of you."

They head downstairs and Peeta gets up. "I think I'll check on Haymich" he smiles." He's probably just fallen asleep."  
"Okay"

I head downstairs and my prep team has a whole ensemble set up with lotions, towels, makeup, and beauty tools. After I showered off, Octavia asks what I'll be wearing. I show the final three dresses to them and the maroon one gets the most votes. This will make Johanna happy too.  
Effie comes in to make sure everything's on schedule. Limos have arrived with Paylor and it turns out one is going to pick up each of the victors. I ask if Peeta and I can ride together, and Effie quickly reassures me that that's fine. And she pops off to see Johanna.  
"Katniss how do you like it here, you look good" Vienna asks.  
"I'm fine"  
"Thank goodness your skin is better, ugh it looked so painful before" Flavius adds.  
I remember how none of them even wanted to touch it for fear it would hurt me.  
"Now what color should we do your nails, black maybe?" Octavia asks  
They all are better than when I last saw them. Plutarch uses them a lot and they feel a lot more at ease than they did in 13. They soak me and condition my hair, shave me, and apply a lotion to my skin that makes it appear more even. It's the middle of the afternoon. Everything doesn't start until the evening but Effie wants us all ready early just in case.  
Johanna comes over next and has a ball getting pampered. They give her a facial mask and do her nails a sparkling silver color. Then even Peeta and Haymich get made up. Haymich is not one bit happy about them washing his hair and shaving him. They style Peeta's hair back and cover up his burn scars with makeup on his forehead, neck, and his hand. When they are all done we have lunch. Peeta fixes us sandwiches and serves it with fresh fruit I help him cut up. 

Before I know it my prep team is fitting my dress on and scrambling to find me some heels. Flavius curls my hair and arranges it so it falls down my back in an arranged way. Octavia fixes my makeup and I'm surprised when Vienna pulls out my mockingjay pin.  
"I had it taken off your old suit, maybe it can give you some comfort" She says as she attaches it to my dress.  
"Thank you Vienna" I smile, I actually am happy to see it again. Then they sit me down on the couch and start prepping everyone else. Johanna is very happy with the way I turned out, and grins as they fit her in her velvet dress just right. They smooth her hair back in a fancy updo with pins that sparkle like stars. She looks really stunning and heads back over to her house to await her limo. When it's Peeta's turn he gives me a smile before they dress him in a dark grey suit and add maroon accents to his sleeves and collar so that we can match. We are definitely going into this as a couple. And even though it's so familiar being paired up with him, I feel different about the whole thing now. I don't have to act this time, I can be myself and the only reason that I am with Peeta is because I want to be.  
And for some reason realizing this calms me down.

I rest next to Peeta on the couch holding his hand until Flavius calls us because the limo is here. We head out but I refuse to let go of his hand tonight. The seat is made of velvet and feels soft to the touch. Peeta gives me a nervous smile and warms my hand with his free one.  
"You okay?"  
I nod "are you?"  
"Yeah, it won't be that bad, lets just try to be ourselves and we'll be fine."

When we get out of the limo I feel Peeta tense up a little and grip my hand tighter as we are greeted by swarms of photographers. Effie leads us up to an area where we wait for Ceasar to call us. I'm thankful we are going last. You can hear everyone cheering as Caesar Flickerman greets the crowd and introduces Haymich. 

He has a blue suit on and looks like he'd do anything for a drink. He's asked about what he thinks of 12 and the builds. How things have changed and how much better it is not to mentor tributes anymore and watch their deaths. 

Then Johanna is next. She's asked about how she feels not having the games anymore. They mention the fact that she was a victim of torture and if that motivated her in the fight. She goes on about how hard her and I trained and how she made me swear that I kill Snow. Then how deep the torture affected her in that it prevented her from going into combat. She laced her anger with her happiness that she feels now under Paylor. And it's our turn. Peeta looks at me. "Together?"  
I smile "Together."

And we're lead out onto the stage. Another white leather chair appears for me. I feel my hands sweating but Peeta still hasn't let me go. When the crowd finally stops cheering, Peeta is asked the first question,  
"Well Peeta, things have certainly changed since we last had the pleasure. How are you faring since you were rescued to 13?"  
"A lot better. At first I wasn't even myself, I was lost. And I don't know if you can imagine what it was like, having everything you care about, not taken away from you even, but becoming your worst enemy. Hating the one person you loved the most. Not knowing what things were real and what was not. Not knowing the truth from the lies. It breaks my heart when I think of how I acted, that I was actually so brainwashed that I almost killed Katniss."  
Peeta grips my hand harder and looks at me.

"Well we can all certainly see you don't feel that way now, how were you able to recover from the hijacking?"  
"I guess over time I got so that I could differentiate, the memories. The ones that were distorted I could tell had a different quality about them. I started to see that right around the time I was sent into battle. That was a real turning point for me, because I was fighting to save Katniss again."  
"And what about now?"  
"Being around Katniss is my biggest help and comfort. Seeing every day that she's not the mutt version the Capital fed me, but the caring loving person I fell in love with back when I was young, and the person I love now. She's my life now."  
I cannot believe not only how well he's doing but the way he can put into words the way he feels. I have tears in my eyes but try hard to pull them back. But he's said everything I'd ever hoped I'd hear from him again. I have my old Peeta back, who loves me more than anything. I needed him so. Even when I didn't know how I felt he was there for me. And I want to do all I can to be there for him now.  
I lean in and give him a kiss that makes the crowd go wild.

Caesar looks from him to me and wipes a tear away.  
"And Katniss, we haven't spoke with you since the quarter quell. How did you feel in 13, and when you found out that Peeta had been captured?"

Oh no, I try to concentrate and think of what to say.  
"I...was lost. I didn't know what to do. I had a hard time trusting the people who left Peeta to the evils of Capital torture. Visions of Snow torturing him haunted me but I was still determined to keep him alive...And that was my agreement with Coin to be her Mockingjay. That Peeta had to be safe if she wanted my help."  
"And what about when you found out what happened to Peeta?"  
I think of how upset I was at him for changing, how I left to 2 and abandoned him. My anger. The pain. The loss.  
"It just hardened my resolve that I had to kill Snow. I thought I had lost him forever."  
"Now you two fought together when you invadeed the Capital. How did you feel having Peeta there?"  
"Well I was unsure...and he didn't start to come back until after he had another mutt attack. I think when he saw how he acted on the television.... That was when he started coming back, but he wanted us to kill him because he realized he could be dangerous, but I just couldn't let Snow take him from me for some reason. I guess I was still hoping, even though it was selfish." I say looking at Peeta the whole time. These are things I never even told him.  
"That must have been very difficult for you both. But I'm glad that you finally have each other again. And I know Peeta you mentioned that you and Katniss were already married in secret, but can we look forward to a formal wedding anytime soon?"  
Peeta looks at me and I give him a nod.  
"Well Ceasar, I've thought about that same thing. But Katniss and I want to live a quieter life now. We feel more married than anyone and have a marriage certificate to prove it now. But we are both happy with that."

I smile at Peetas words, glad that he said what he did now.  
The audience awes.

"Well speaking for the whole of Panem, we are glad that you finally have each other and are happy." And the crowd cheers in agreement and everyone stands up and claps for us.  
"Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark,  
Ladies and gentleman!"

And when we are finally off the stage I collapse in Peetas arms.  
"Thank you."  
Peeta lets out a sigh and relaxes the most he has all day,  
"We did it. Did you really miss me in 13, when I was captured?"  
I feel my face crinkle when I think of how empty and painful those weeks were. I wrap my arms around his neck, "of course, Peeta."  
He smiles at me, kisses my forehead and pulls something out of his pocket.  
"I brought them just in case" Peeta grins pulling out our wedding rings and I gasp.  
"They came! Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I wanted to surprise you." I hold his and slip it on his finger and he puts mine on my left hand and kisses it. I hold it up. It's a simple gold band but as I look closer I see that it has a shimmery silver swirl around it.  
"It's beautiful.".  
"So are you." He blushes and pulls me into a hug as Effie runs up to us.  
"You two were amazing, your all anyone's going to be talking about!"

Effie leads us to where Johanna and Haymich are seated and Plutarch takes the stage now. He gives the speech I heard him give in 2 on the television and I wonder if Gale did come. And Plutarch introduces Paylor who is a strong woman of few words. But she mentions her first meeting with me in 8 and how impressed she was with how I handled myself. She expressed that she is glad everything turned out now so that Panem can finally experience peace and the crowd cheers and moves on to the Justice Building where the celebrating will begin.  
Effie leads us up the stairs into a large room with really high ceilings. The lighting gives the place a warm dreamlike feel. There is table after table of food and feeling relieved that nothing bad has happened, I'm starving. The townsfolk start a folk dance that takes up a majority of the dance floor and people who know the dance are teaching others who never learned. There's whooping as the band strikes up and plays a peppy toon. And I can't help feel a little foolish when I think of how I dreaded this evening. Peeta actually looks happy and gets me a plate of delicacies. Chicken in that orange sauce I love, seasoned rice and some other grain I don't know, with corn in a butter sauce. Everything tastes delicious. Peeta has a couple bowls of soup and then wants to head over to the dessert table. There is a big cake with a Mockingjay on top adorned with flowers and gold frosting. Peeta loves it but I can't help think that he'd do it better. As I go back for a fancy sausage and tomato sauce dish I notice Gale dancing across the room with a tall beautiful blond girl. When the dance ends he picks her up and kisses her. He looks happy and I'm glad that he has his own life now. 

I go back to find Peeta holding a toddler. And I see Annie talking close beside him. I'm so happy she came that I run over to give her a hug. "Annie! Oh I can't believe how big the baby's got. I'm so glad you came."  
"I couldn't miss seeing everyone. And Finnick was good friends with all of you. I wish he could be here today ...but at least we have peace now."  
I squeeze her hand,  
"he'd be proud of you... I know he would."  
She sniffles a little and goes over to the baby. Peeta hands him back to her. "Baby Finnick looks just like his dad Annie, he has your wave to his hair though."  
Annie smiles, "I know, I'm so glad I have a part of him" she says and gives Finnick a kiss.

Gale notices my gaze and comes over. He looks at me and the first words out of his mouth are,  
"I knew you loved him more"  
I look down not knowing what to say to that, "at least one of us did"  
And he smiles and gives me a huge hug. "How are you Catnip?"  
"I'm okay, you seem happy. In two and all."  
"Oh yeah, they keep me busy" he looks over to where the girl he's with is.  
"are you making lots of friends there?"  
He smiles,"  
yeah you see that blond girl over there? That's Jewel. She was one one of the rebels stationed in two. She is really great. She thinks the world of me."  
I look at his new girl that looks the complete opposite of everything I am.  
"That's great Gale. You deserve it."  
"So, you did good tonight. You seem better."  
"I am, I just have to live one day at a time, and life is starting to make sense again."  
"And Peeta?" He asks looking down.  
"He's better too, he does better than me a lot of the time. We can help each other though." I shrug and Gale nods.  
"Well at least you're okay." He gives me another long hug and says goodbye. He gives Peeta a nod as he walk back over to his girlfriend. And I notice Peeta's staring at where Gale and I were standing, so I go to him. 

"So how is he?" Peeta asks  
"He's moved on and happy, and I'm glad"  
Peeta smiles a little  
"yeah I bet he has, do you want to dance?"  
I give him a grin and we dance to one of those slow dances. When it finishes Johanna runs over and I see she has her hand in Dr Marshall's.  
"Hi guys! Isn't this great? And who knew doctors were such great dancers." She nudges Dr Marshall with her hip.  
He smiles at us,  
"you all did a very nice job up there on the stage."  
Johanna smirks, "oh this is our dance Adrian," she pulls him over to the dance floor. "See ya later!"

"Did I tell you that you look beautiful tonight?" Peeta whispers.  
This makes me laugh a little and grin, "You look pretty good yourself. And you really amazed me tonight... you did. You were just so relaxed and yourself and said everything so well."  
Peeta laughs, "trust me I was not relaxed, but I definitely surprised myself. I was so nervous about what I might do."

Effie prances over to where we stand as I eat a bowl of a sweet cool berry soup.  
"Hello! Oh thank goodness everything turned out. It's a huge success. Have you seen Plutarch? he said he wanted to see you, oh ill find him." And she's out of sight. Peeta eats another plate while I dip berries in this amazing chocolate sauce. Plutarch does come over very satisfied with the success of the evening.  
"I just had to come over and say hello. You both were magnificent. I'm thinking I starting a new show, a sort of singing competition, we thought of you for one of the judges Katniss."  
The thought doesn't sound appealing at all.  
"I don't think so"  
He shrugs. "Well let me know if you change your mind." And then he leaves too.  
"Have you seen Haymich?"I ask.  
"He's planted himself on a stool at the bar over there." Peeta motions to another side of the room that's lined with a long bar.

A faster dance starts and I persuade Peeta to join me. He doesn't know all of the steps so I help him but he catches on pretty soon and I can tell he's having fun. It's been a long time since I danced but it feels good moving to the music. 

Before I know it Effie announces that the limos have arrived back and that it's time to leave. I stuff the rest of my piece of cake in my mouth before heading out. A bunch of interviewers and cameramen take our picture and ask us questions about the evening. Peeta answers a couple and Effie ushers us in the car. She waves goodbye and we are finally home. 

It's very late about one in the morning. I give Peeta the biggest hug though. I'm so happy he didn't have a breakdown and I didn't freak out and start hyperventilating or something. It went better than I could've imagined.  
"I'm so glad everything was okay, I was so worried. It was nerve wracking being on stage, but I didn't flashback." Peeta says as he strokes my hair. I sit down as he takes the pins out and runs his fingers through my curls.  
"You sounded like your old self up there, you were amazing... and thanks for explaining things, your good at that."  
He kisses my cheek.  
"I even had fun, we haven't danced since...I don't remember."  
I glance down at my ring and look at it in the candlelight. The silver stripe glistens. I take Peeta's hands in mine, the makeup is coming off now that hid the pink scars he has on his right hand.  
I lean in and kiss him because I'm just so glad he's here, and by me, and after tonight I'm starting to really believe that we can move on and get better. Peeta proved that to all of Panem tonight.  
I look into Peeta's eyes, he is smiling, but I can tell from the dark circles that he's exhausted.  
"I love you Katniss,"  
I kiss him again, kick off the dreadful heels and walk Peeta upstairs.  
I need to scrub all this makeup off so I shed my dress off and shower. I'm so tired now, tired but happy. I dry off and pull on a shirt. I come out to find Peeta fast asleep on top of the sheets in his underclothes. I grab an extra blanket from the closet and put it over him and tuck him in and kiss his cheek like a child. I get into bed and can't help think of how much I love him.  
I lay there for I don't know how long. I'm tired but my mind won't shut off. I keep replaying the evening over in my head, Peeta slipping my ring on, talking to Gale in such a way that really felt like goodbye. I twist my ring on my finger, nervous and not used to wearing jewelry. I look over at Peeta who is still dead to the world and give up on sleep. I feel like exploring more of the upstairs maybe look through some of Peeta's books, but the idea of roaming around in the dark makes me uneasy. I decide to have a snack. I warm myself up some milk and cuddle up on the couch by the fire. When I notice the sun creeping up I finally feel sleepy, everything feels so heavy as I crawl back up to my bed. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for taking a break things have been crazy!!! But here is 16 hope you are still with me on this journey and still enjoy lots more soon to come I've been at work here too! ❤

16

 

All the photographers and the people from the Capital left on a train the next day. On the news there was a huge spread about us and our interview. Replaying the love story. Effie and my prep team stayed to give us all a proper goodbye. They said they may visit for the harvest festival in three months. I got a call from my mother congratulating us and I couldn't believe it when she started to cry. We get calls from Plutarch begging us to let him throw a wedding party for us, but Peeta answers and tells him no repeatedly in a lot nicer way than I would. It's the beginning of September now and we are still getting the random wedding presents. My mother sent us a very nice letter with a framed picture of us at the party next to the lyrics of our traditional wedding song from twelve. Peeta put it up right away on the mantle over the fireplace. The bakery is all built now, but Johanna is still helping on the hospital. They are urgent about finishing it before winter. 

Lately I mostly hang around the house and follow Peeta to the bakery. Some times he lets me ice the cookies. A big plate of them are always out for the kids, who all love Peeta. He can't resist them and their parents seem happy to let their children spend their after school at the bakery on the days he's there. Peeta has it fixed up really nice with a mural on the back wall of a wheat field at sunrise. Some days I just stare at it while he works. 

Johanna comes in for lunch and sits next to me as Thom fixes her sandwich behind the counter.  
"What's with you?" She asks.  
"What do you mean?"  
"When is the last time you did anything, I haven't even seen you at the market in weeks."  
"I don't know..."  
"I think you need a project. Lets see what kind of project?"  
Johanna's right, ever since the celebration I haven't really done much. I don't feel myself, maybe the fact that I haven't hunted since then has something to do with it, except...  
"It's been a while since I hunted?"  
"Well there you go!"   
But the truth is I just don't feel like being alone, especially in the woods, it's very unlike me. So I try to force the real reason I haven't been hunting out of my mind and decide after I eat with Johanna, to head for the woods. I find a good tree to climb and wait with my loaded bow. After a while I catch a turkey, bad idea, this only makes me think of the one person that's been haunting me- Gale.   
Ever since I saw him at the celebration, I think about him whenever I'm in the woods and whenever I am alone. Remembering our old days as partners, I find myself missing him and wishing we could go back to the way we used to be. And then my chest starts to ache when I think of all that happened since then - the arenas, the war, the deaths, the pain that I feel returning with a vengeance now. And I'm reminded why that will never happen. Why we'll never be the same. My body aches so bad now that I wrap my arms around myself. Hiding my face and trying hard to relax. I remind myself that I'm not alone, I have Peeta.  
I lay back against the bark and clutch my pearl. Conjuring every nice memory I can think of that I have of Peeta: him throwing me the bread, holding me on the train, his stirring kiss on the beach, taking him to the lake, holding hands, kissing in the rain, the pearl, the locket, the day he found me on the floor, holding him at night, the sound of his heartbeat, we protect each other.   
These memories flood my mind and calm me down until I sigh in relief as my chest relaxes. When the pain stops, I climb down and lay now on the grass. The air is cool and feels good until the sun starts to make its way down indicating that I should start for home. I pick up my kill and trek back. I skin the bird and refrigerate the meat. As soon as I've changed I hear Peeta in the kitchen. I run down, glad that he's back. He's only at the bakery a few days a week but I like it best when it's just me and him. 

I give him a long kiss that sometimes is the only thing that can bring me back to reality and take away the pain.   
He puts a strand of hair behind my ear.  
"So you went hunting today? That's good."  
I nod and feel tears coming, and start trembling now.   
Peeta looks sad and touches my cheek, "Katniss, what's wrong?"  
"The pain it keeps coming back... It's so hard...I can't" I stutter and slump down on the floor trying to disappear.  
Peeta sits next to me pulling me into a hug. He makes circles on my back warming me, "It's okay, these days happen."  
I don't have the heart to tell him it's thoughts of Gale that have been haunting me so I just let him talk. He's been trying to get me to call the doctor, and now I think I'll have to. I just can't take the pain that comes every time Peeta lets me go. So I hold on tight until he releases me to fix something for supper. I help the best I can and follow him outside to watch the sunset. He holds my hand and doesn't let me go all night. He holds me and comforts me with his arms and his lips every time I have a nightmare. I feel bad I'm keeping him up, but tonight I need him to be there. 

It's a groggy morning considering that neither of us got much sleep. Peeta dials the number for Dr Aurelius and talks to him for a bit before handing the phone to me. I answer a few questions and he thinks I need a dose of morphling to get me through this rough period along with a new pill for the depression. I thank him and tell Peeta what he said. He gives my hand a squeeze and walks me to the new hospital. Even though its not all finished, parts are open for getting medicine and seeing certain doctors. We walk to the pharmacy and a woman in a white coat hands us a couple bags and gives us a copy of directional use instructions from Dr Aurelius for each drug. I take the specified dose of each immediately and we walk home arm in arm. Johanna is now seeing her Dr Marshall on a regular basis, she argues that they are just friends but its obvious they like each other more than that.   
I can feel the morphling taking effect already. It makes me feel light and relaxed   
Peeta decides to paint outside and I join him with my knitting project that I had forgotten about. Already I'm feeling better, and even though I hate taking the pills, I have to admit that they do help. The scarf I'm working on got knotted too tight, so I undo it and try again. I remember now why I haven't tried this before. I never was good at it. Whenever my mother tried to teach me on long winter nights I failed miserably.   
After a few attempts I give up and throw everything in the basket. Frustrated I head inside. The new medicine is making me tired coupled with the fact that I hardly had any sleep last night. But I don't want to face the nightmares, not without Peeta's arms, so I take a book off the shelf about edible plants and see how many I can recognize. 

Before I know it Peeta's coming in to fix supper. We have the turkey from yesterday. Peeta bakes it for about an hour with some carrots and potatoes I cut up. Peeta invited Haymich and Johanna along with Adrian to join us in the feast. I help Peeta slice apples for a pie that will go in the oven. Haymich and Adrian play chess while Johanna joins us in the kitchen. She slaps my shoulder.  
"Feel better?"  
"Yeah, it's been kind of rough the past couple weeks."  
"I see. Taking more meds? That's what they have me do."  
I nod, "I hate to admit they do help."  
"Yeah, whatever helps. Mmm it smells so good. When will it be done?"  
Peeta checks his timer, "Another 20 minutes."  
I walk into the living room with Johanna. She sits on Adrian's lap and Haymich coughs uncomfortably.   
"Your move."  
Adrian never minds Johanna, he's quiet but kind, and sticks by her side. They are complete opposites, and yet that's why they work. 

When the turkey's done, Peeta puts the pie in and adjusts the temperature on the oven. I help serve everyone as they all sit down. It's a feast. Everything looks and smells so good as I dig in and eat until I can't hold another bite. We all talk and laugh. As I look around I realize that this is my family now. Different, but we are all connected in ways that none of can deny bind us together. I smile looking at Peeta laughing at a joke Adrian made.   
After another hour we get up and Peeta brings down some of his paintings to show everyone. Johanna wanted to pick one for her place. Adrian helps Peeta bring a whole bunch down. Some I had never seen before. Of the lake, pink sunsets, green grass blowing in the wind, rain hitting a puddle, two squirrels playing by a tree.   
We all awe at his work and Johanna holds up a couple before deciding. Peeta convinces her to take a few arguing that he has lots more from where they came from. Then Peeta serves us all pie as we relax by the fire in the living room. I help Peeta clean up and hand out leftovers to everyone as they head their separate ways. 

"That was really nice. I guess they are our new family now, huh Peeta?" I say.  
He smiles "I guess so."  
I look around at all the work it was preparing everything. Tired from the bit I did.   
We head upstairs and while Peeta showers, I look at his books in his study. Most are about history or art. I pick up one that has pictures painted of the seashore. Shells, sand, and trees with big leaves that have an unusually thin trunk. I look at another one that's about architectural history. I quickly shut the book bored. I go over and stroke the keys of his piano. Playing a nonsense toon.   
I head back to our room and change into a sleep shirt. I lay in bed until I notice Peeta walk in. He's rubbing his hair with a towel in his undershorts.  
"Oh I forgot my pants, sorry." He grabs a pair and runs back into the bathroom.   
I stifle a laugh. Nakedness never bothered Peeta very much. But he knows it bothers me. I shouldn't care anymore I guess, now that I live at his house and sleep with him every night, but. . .  
And he jumps into bed startling me from my thoughts. He gives me a playful look like he's about to tease me. His eyes suggest that he's not ready for sleep at all. I turn over ignoring him, when he rolls over on top of me and puts his face next to mine like he's going to kiss me when he grins and starts tickling my middle. I can't stop laughing and my pleads for him to stop only encourage him. Unfortunately he isn't ticklish so I can't bother him a bit. When he finally stops my throat hurts from all the laughing and he lays close to me as I settle back down. I give him a light slap on his chest. "That's not fair."   
He laughs, "Hey it was fun."  
"For you" I scowl.  
He throws his hands up, "I can't help it if I'm not as ticklish as you. Okay I'm sorry, forgive me?"  
I sigh defeated in my argument and kiss him. I decide to forgive him and roll back into his arms. I'm glad he's in a good mood, I shouldn't argue. He kisses my cheek, and I fall asleep happy.


	17. Nightmare

CHAPTER 17

 

"Agh!"  
I'm awakened by a sickening scream. I jolt up and realize its Peeta. I'm shocked. He never did that before. He's soaked the bed with sweat and is gripping the sheets.   
"Peeta. Peeta! Wake up." I'm more scared than anything. Adrenaline rushes through me as I shake him. I don't know what else to do. I scream his name louder. "Peeta! Wake up!"  
Finally he opens his eyes and his face drains of all color.   
I sit back unsure. He looks at me and its as if he's melted. He burries his face in my chest and sobs uncontrollably. I've never seen Peeta like this.   
"Peeta, what's wrong? it's okay. It's okay now." I stoke his hair until he stops and looks up at me. My face sends him back in my arms and he starts crying all over again. Between his sweat and tears everything is soaked. And all I can do is not let go of him afraid that anything else will make it harder for him to calm down. I try to rock him and after a while he stops and lies back still holding on to me. I don't know if I really want to know what upset him so, but it's the kind thing to ask. I swallow hard,  
"What was it Peeta? I never saw you so upset."  
He stares straight ahead, his face hard.   
He shakes his head.   
"You... were really gone, battered and bloody...I couldn't understand what happened until, it was me. I was the mutt and I killed you. I did such horrible things, I..."  
I wrap around him stopping him.  
"Shh, it's okay, your not the mutt, your you. Your okay. It's not real." I try to act like Peeta does when he comforts me, I stroke his hair and soothe him. I sit him in a chair as I change the sheets. He shivers so I tell him to change. I hear him in the bathroom talking to himself. Calming himself. Probably something the doctor told him he should do.

I light the fireplace hoping the warmth will take away the chill. When he comes out finally, he looks ragged and tired. I come over and he pulls me into his arms and kisses where his lips just touch my neck. Then he rests his forehead on mine before he finally speaks.   
"It's my worst fear, hurting you, doing something I can't control."  
"But you always come back to me, and you haven't hurt me. You won't. I know you won't."  
He sighs, and nods. I tuck him in and he seems more relaxed now. I hold him in my arms until we both fall back to sleep. 

The next day is bad.   
Peeta hardly says a word to me. He paints all day and is locked inside himself. Staring ahead, his eyes clouded. Nothing I say consoles him for long and he pulls away. I don't know what to do, nothing works so I call Dr Aurelius.  
"Yes?"  
"Dr Aurelius. It's Katniss."  
"Oh hello Katniss, how are you, better?"  
"Yes I'm better, now it's Peeta. He had a really bad nightmare. Screaming. He said that he hurt me as a mutt. He's scared to death and I can't seem to be able to do anything to comfort him."  
"Hmm, we can't imagine what he went through. Recovery has never been seen in the way he has been able to overcome it. He has surpassed all our expectations, but I'll have a nurse come to give him an infusion of morphling. That should help calm him. The tracker jacker venom targets fear, it seems that its been triggered and he's having a hard time calming down from it. The medicine should really help. And just comfort him the best you can. Right now he seems more scared of himself than anything. Has he tried to harm you at all?"  
"No." I say quickly.  
"So his fear is not you. That's good at least. Hang in there Katniss "  
"Okay. Thank you doctor."  
"Katniss don't hesitate to call me, I want to do everything I can to help."  
"I understand. Thank you."

After I hang up I go to Peeta. He lets me in the room and doesn't push me away this time, but he never looses that scared clouded look in his eyes. I tell him a nurse is coming to give him some medicine. He nods and continues to paint.   
I rub his back, what can I do to reassure him?  
"I love you Peeta."  
It's the first time he's looked at me all day. "I know, I love you too, but you shouldn't be here. I could loose myself, hurt you, kill you. . .you should go on. Don't let me ruin your life."  
I can't believe what he's saying. No! I need him!   
"Don't you even think about leaving me! I can't live without you." I hold on to him as tight as I can. "We are not going to even discuss it. I'm staying here!"   
And I hear the nurse. I wipe away tears that are threatening to take over and throw me into hysterics, and bring her upstairs. She gets Peeta to lie down as she puts the IV in. Peeta starts struggling and screams,   
"Go Katniss! Get out of here! Go!"   
I'm frozen and the nurse urges me to leave and shuts the door on me. My body feels limp and only the adrenaline in my veins is making me move.

Run.  
I have to get out of here. I run to the woods and don't stop. I go until I trip on a root. I don't bother to get up. I just lay there and sob. How is this happening? I had Peeta back? Why? Why! I dig my fingers into the earth frustrated, when I hear footsteps behind me, my head whips around hoping its Peeta. To my surprise Haymich is crouched down.   
"What's the matter sweetheart?"  
"Oh Haymich!" I hold him as he awkwardly pays my back.  
"He doesn't want me around. He thinks he'll hurt me! But I can't! He's all I..."  
"Whoa, hold on, start back at the beginning."  
I tell Haymich everything. The nightmare, how he wouldn't calm down. His screaming. That I'd never seen him like that before. And it was all because of me. He was scared of himself, hurting me. How he told me to leave.   
Haymich thinks for a minute and gives my cheek a reassuring pat,  
"He'll be alright, it's just a really low point. He didn't mean what he said, I'm sure of it. Like you said, he's just scared. The morphling is calming, it should settle his thoughts."

Haymich walks me back and follows me upstairs. The nurse lets Haymich in first. It seems like an eternity until he comes out,  
"Go on, he'll see you"  
I walk in to find that Peeta has dozed off. The morphling does that. I stand there staring at his features until the nurse steps out. Then I sit in a chair next to the bed, soothing him, making circles on his chest, glad we're alone. I talk to him in a soft voice,   
"Peeta? It's me, it's Katniss. I'm not leaving you. We protect each other. Remember that? That's what we do. And I...I need you. You said you'd always stay with me, please stay. I love you." I hold onto his hand and the thought of him leaving, getting lost, makes me start tearing. But I don't care. I'm not moving. 

When I wake up Peeta's stroking my hair. I look up and see his blue eyes are clear and bright. He smiles and I can't help myself, I throw my arms around his neck making a sound between a cry and choking. And I start crying. "Peeta don't you ever do that again! You scared me to death!"  
He sits up and cradles me in his arms.   
Thank goodness. He came back to me.   
"Peeta I can't do this without you. Don't you ever say I have to leave. Just don't...don't!"  
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I was just scared."  
Haymich comes in so I back up wiping my tears away.   
"You scared us all for a minute there boy, glad your back."   
"Me too Haymich." Peeta is smiling - So much better. 

Haymich sticks around for the rest of the evening making sure everything's okay. The nurse left Peeta with a prescription for a higher dose of morphling he is to take for a week. And then he is supposed to call Dr Aurelius.   
I help make us some dinner as Peeta tells me what to do. He's still a bit groggy. But he's smiling and talks to Haymich. He's not sure what happened except that his fear was stronger than ever, something the venom did to him. It enhances fears. He talks about it a little during supper, but I think it's best to change the subject.   
That night Peeta is fine. He doesn't even wake up with a nightmare. I know because I couldn't sleep. I stayed up holding him, wanting to be there to wake him if I sensed a nightmare coming on. But he was fine, and things were normal again.


	18. Things get better❤

It's been over a week since Peeta had his breakdown. He's been better on the medicine and only I have had nightmares since then. The leaves are starting to change and the Harvest Festival is just 3 weeks away. The October breeze feels cool and sweet. Peeta has his flannel shirt on and walks me through the woods till we find the rows of apple trees that grow. 

We pick them for hours gathering bushels. It's a fun season when the apples come out and pumpkin pies are made. This is my favorite time of year. It's Peeta's too. He got so exited when the trees started to change. He grabbed my hand and we ran under the trees trying to catch a leaf. That was a good day. Thom and Adrian help us haul the apples to the bakery. We lug them in the back to be cut up and made into pies and pastries to sell. The bakery smells amazing. A couple more people work there now. Tristan and Theo are brothers from 13 that moved here. They work on the days Peeta doesn't and when there are festivals and have extra to bake. They are friendly and good company.   
"Katniss, what do you think of this one?"  
Peeta is having me sample a few of his recipes for apple strudel. It's been a while since he made them and has been tweaking it all day to get it right. They all taste wonderful to me. I smile,  
"Peeta I like them all, I guess I'm not the best person to ask."  
He leans in and gives me a kiss. "Maybe your just partial to the baker."  
"Well that might have something to do with it." I play along and shake my head. I'm just being honest, when Theo snatches one from the tray stuffing it in his mouth.   
"That's the one Peeta, the extra cinnamon did the trick."   
I smile at Theo, thankful that someone can help Peeta out.  
Peeta has been feeding us all day so by supper time I'm not a bit hungry. Thom and Peeta look over a list of the traditional delicacies that are usually served at the Harvest Festival. A few special things will arrive on the train, nuts and seasonings. Then a group of kids burst though the door smiling up at Peeta and Thom with anticipation.  
"Hey guys, how was school?" Peeta says leaning down to their level.   
"Have you guys ever tried apple strudel?"  
They jump up and down as Peeta lowers the tray and they all take a piece. He asks if they are exited about the festival and then they all hug him and he waves as they head home. He's good with the kids, seeing them together makes me feel warm inside. I always wish he could be happy like he is now. The past week I've been careful with him, scared that he'll push me away again. As the sun starts to set we lock up the shop and start home. I pull my jacket around me tighter as a cool wind starts up. The walk is nice and the sunset is beautiful.  
"I love this season, the air smells so sweet and the leaves all change, it's nice" Peeta swings our laced hands side to side making me laugh.  
"Yeah, it's just the winter that can be hard. We should go down to the lake and see the colors reflect off the water"  
"That sounds nice. I'd like to paint that."  
When we get inside Peeta brings in some wood for the fire place and lights it. He takes his pills and comes over to sit by me sighing.  
"Hey, you've been kind of quiet today, are you okay?" He says running his fingers through my hair.  
"Yeah, I guess I've just been thinking a lot."  
"About what?"  
"You. I'm just glad your better." I look down at the rug and fiddle with a loose thread in the couch.   
"Are you scared? You know, of me? I don't want you to feel..."  
I look into his eyes. "No, just losing you."  
"Katniss..." He sighs and holds me close. "I love you, I'm not going anywhere." He kisses the top of my head and goes into the kitchen.  
Peeta brings over two warm mugs of hot chocolate. The silky sweet drink feels good and the heat radiates through me.  
I moan as I relax, finally warm from the fire and the heat from Peeta's chest. He carries me upstairs and places me in bed. As he leans in to give me a kiss I wrap my arms around his neck - not wanting him to let go of me. But he does and heads to the bathroom to change.   
I take off my extra shirt and pants and lay down staring at his pillow. He comes out in a thermal shirt and pants. He gets in and I curl up close to him, stroking his hair. He takes my face in his hands and gives me a long kiss that feels so impossibly good. Warmth travels down from my lips to my core, and down my arms and legs to the tips of my being. I wrap around next to him wanting more. Each kiss makes me want another, and I pull him tighter running my hands over the buttons of his shirt.   
He pulls back, and puts his finger to my lips, stopping me as I lean in again. I open my eyes to find Peeta grinning up at me. He tilts his head, playful. "Why do you love me?"   
I feel like shutting him up with another kiss but instead I laugh. It's so silly. When he must know how I feel. I breath close to his face.   
"Because you loved me first, and I know you'll never leave me."  
He nuzzles me and lets me kiss him again. But this time he doesn't stop or interrupt me. My body hungers for more and I want to hold him closer, tighter, even though my limbs are wrapped around him. He hesitates a moment before touching the bare skin on my back, but another kiss from me brings him back and he pulls me in closer.  
All there is, is me and him.   
He clutches onto the sheets. And I'm numb to the world and lost in Peeta's touch and the feeling of his lips on mine.  
I finally drift off feeling warm with the sensation that I'm falling on a cloud. And all I know is that I never want to be parted from this moment.


	19. Chapter 19

I awaken to a warm smell of sunshine and Peeta's sweet scent lingers on me. I hear Peeta singing in the shower and it makes me smile. I grab my middle thinking of last night and lay back sighing, flailing my arms over my head. I feel warm and don't want to leave the refuge of my sheets. I look out the window at the sunny day until I doze off. I feel a light touch on my cheek and open my eyes to see Peeta sitting by me smiling. He touches my hair. "Hey." I sit up and take his hand, entwining my fingers in his. "Hey, how are you today?"He answers me with a kiss. "Better than ever." He looks down. "So, what would you like to do today?""Well before anything, eat, I'm starving."He laughs, "Yeah I figured, come on I'll fix us something.""Okay." And I watch him head downstairs as I get out of bed. I grab my clothes and head to the bathroom and look in the mirror. I look better than I have in months. My face has a glow to it I don't remember and my hair is longer now and not so uneven. I decide to shower. As I feel the water beat down I think of last night and all the times I kissed Peeta. How I gave into my feelings. I blush and shake my head as I get out. I braid down my wet hair, grab my pearl and skip down stairs. As I latch the necklace around my neck I hear Peeta humming as he flips a pancake. I love pancakes, Peeta usually fixes them on special days. He notices me and turns around meeting my eyes."Hey you, nice timing, just finished the first batch." He grins handing me a plate. I hop on the counter and eat while Peeta finishes up. The kitchen smells fantastic with the smell from the bacon and maple syrup. "So I was thinking about what we could do. We could go to the lake, I could paint the leaves there. Or we could go into town. Or I could watch you hunt."I try to stifle a laugh. Peeta never comes with me when I hunt because of the simple reason that he is as loud as a herd of cattle. But he could watch me just shoot I guess if he really wanted.He smiles, "And just what's so funny?""Nothing." But I'm still laughing because Peeta has started tickling me again and lifts me off the counter spinning me around. "Or we could just hang around the house."I shake my head."Lets go to the lake."I help Peeta gather up paints and he carries his canvas. The walk doesn't seem as long today without the scorching heat. Instead there is a cool breeze and the sun is shining. The leaves twinkle in the wind and circle around us. When we get to the lake, Peeta sets up his easel while I go make a small fire. As my fingertips finally warm from the heat of the fire, I see Peeta bring the canvas to life. A mockingjay comes down and lands next to me."He wants you to sing you know." Peeta smiles.I look at the bird and walk over by a tree. Feeling the bark I decide to sing. The Morning Rise I sing softly at first and then as my voice adjusts, I sing a little louder. It's a happy tune about heading off to work, and when I finish the tree is full of mockingjays that come to life with my melody. I laugh and look over to Peeta. He's absorbed in his work, so I don't bother him and sit by the tree wrapping my jacket around me. looking up at the birds and the leaves against the blue sky. I pick some katniss tubers and find some eggs to take back home. I walk over to Peeta and see that he has painted me and the mockingjays into his picture. I give him a kiss, startling him as if he didn't notice I was there. As the afternoon creeps on I cook the eggs as a makeshift lunch. The air is too cool now for swimming, but it's still beautiful to watch. I let the sun sink into me as I lay next to Peeta's side. He has a black leather jacket on, he's had. Similar to mine except that mine is much more broken in and worn. He has a scarf around his neck which I wish I thought to wear. As the sun starts to set, Peeta notices my shivering and helps me up. He holds me close and rubs my back. He feels warm and kisses me as he wraps his scarf around my neck. Thankful for the heat it makes me think of those chilly days we spent in the cave together. It was cold and wet and all we had was our sleeping bag and body heat to keep us warm. We huddled together and it was the first time Peeta put his arms around me. His arms kept me safe then as they do now.I put out the fire and we head for home. It's dark now and I'm shivering again by the time we reach the Victors Village. I light the fire as Peeta hangs his new painting up in the living room. I hang up my coat and scarf and grab a blanket. I slump on the carpet next to the fire. I feel Peeta sit behind me and wrap his arms around me. I feel his stomach move and growl and we both burst out laughing. "I guess I better have a snack." Peeta gets up and fixes two pieces of toast. He spreads a smooth peanut spread on it and sits back by me.I don't realize that I've been eyeing his toast until he picks up a slice and hands it to me."Here, you can have one." He smiles.My face turns into a grin as I take it happily. It's really good. I relax back. "Your right, the lake was beautiful with all the leaves changed. And that was something, all the mockingjays scrambling over themselves to listen to you."I look up at Peeta's painting, it's really beautiful. I get up and get a glass of milk and Peeta walks me up to bed. I put on one of his flannel shirts and watch the light of the fire play on his face. The harvest festival is in a few days now. It was always around the time the victory tour started. My heart sinks thinking about that so I curl up closer to Peeta's warmth and hold onto him tight until I fall asleep.Peeta and I are on the victory tour. I'm on a stand opposite Peeta and I look down to see that I'm in Cinna's mockingjay dress. I call over to Peeta but he doesn't hear me. Then I freeze and my palms sweat in fear as President Snow comes up behind Peeta. And two men come out from behind and start beating on him with the spiked gloves they used on Cinna when they beat him bloody. I scream and try to run for him, looking for my bow that isn't there, but I'm being held back. I look up at the person gripping me. It's Gale."Gale let go of me! They'll kill him!"Gale just looks on and doesn't even meet my eyes. I struggle and scream for Peeta but there is nothing I can do but watch helplessly as Peeta's blood stains his hair. "No!""No! No! Stop it."I open my eyes to see Peeta over me shaking my shoulders. "Katniss, Wake up!" I'm still struggling and I feel cold in my sweat. When I settle down, Peeta comforts me and puts his arms around me. He touches my back, and pulls back his hand. "Katniss you're soaked. You should change, don't want you getting sick."He gives me a kiss and I sigh and get up. As I change Peeta lights up the fire. As I come back to bed Peeta holds me close. Still haunted by my nightmare I don't want to go to sleep yet. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.Sometimes that helps but I shake my head and dive into Peeta's arms. I want to feel him next to my frame and know he is here and safe with me, "I love you.."He smiles and takes my face and kisses me. He takes out my braid fingering my wet hair. "I love you too Katniss" he holds me and strokes my arm warming it. I'm finally lulled back to sleep as the sun starts to come up. 


	20. Chapter 20

I wake up to find Peeta's side of the bed cold. I sit up worried when I remember what day it is. The Harvest Festival is starting today at three and goes on all weekend. Peeta has been baking up a storm and came home last night exhausted. The Harvest Festival is different this year, no victors are coming to start their tour here. Effie wrote that she couldn't make it, she keeps in touch and writes us every month though.The Festival is a fun occasion, we used to get parcels of food, but now that everyone has enough to eat, special foods are being made. Pies and stews, nuts and dried berries. A large spit has been set up to cook the meat that will be served. And the evening ends with a huge dance in the street in town that is lined with lights and candles. Everyone has fall decorations on their homes. Pumpkins and colored corn and stalks. Peeta and I have a wreath made out of a collage of orange and red leaves I made on our door. The house smells like nutmeg and cinnamon. I get up and put on an orange sweater and brown pants. I decide to do some hunting this morning, and then I'll go over to help Peeta set up.I slip on my boots and jacket grab a piece of toast, and am out the door.The sky is blue and it's not too windy, a perfect day, thankfully. I wait quietly until I spot a doe across the stream sniffing the air and looking my way. I pick up some leaves and let them blow in the wind to disguise my scent. As she trots away I follow her and just when I'm in range I release my arrow. It's a perfect shot, right in the eye. I cannot believe it! I'm giddy with excitement. I haven't caught a deer since the one I got with Gale years ago. And never one by myself. I grin very satisfied as I walk over to my kill. I try to lift it to bring it back but it's so heavy. When I finally get a grip on it I lug the deer home. I have to take several breaks because I'm not that strong and used to lifting this kind of weight. When I finally get to town I trade it at the butchers. She gives me a pouch of coins and wraps up two big packages of meat for me to take home. I skip over to the bakery, I can't wait to tell Peeta. When I walk in Thom is taking a pie out of the oven. I think it's a pecan pie. It looks so good. Peeta is in the back kneading and has flour all the way up his arms. "Oh hey Katniss." He smiles brightly and gives me a kiss on the cheek."Guess what I did today?""Um...knitted one of your scarves?""No" I haven't even thought of doing that.He shrugs, "I give up, what?""I shot a doe all by myself, I have never been able to do that all on my own."Peeta smiles because he sees how much this matters to me,"Wow, good for you, I would have never doubted that you could. You've got the best shot anywhere." He says.I look down at my packages of meat."Oh here you can put those in the fridge for now." He suggests."Okay, thanks." I stuff the meat in there and come back over to watch Peeta."So how's it going. Do you have much more to do?""Well, just this loaf and five more pies have to go in the oven... Thom, how's the pies coming?"Thom yells,"Great, they'll be done in forty minutes.""Thanks!" Peeta yells back.I help walk a whole array of food out to a designated table in the square. Everything is festive. A row of apples stringed together surrounds the square and it's decorated with colored squashes and pumpkins that the kids have painted. Finally we break for lunch and have roast beef on a salted roll that's delicious. As it nears three o'clock Peeta and all of us head home to change into our best outfit.I decide to wear the orange frock Cinna made for me with the Autumn leaves on it. When I head down stairs, Peeta's jaw drops for a moment and he smiles. "That's very pretty.""Makes me think of Cinna, and you. Because I know you like this color."Peeta changed into a nice red plaid shirt he got new on the last train. And corduroy pants that are a dark blue color. We walk to the square hand in hand as the sun sinks down and you can hear the band and the fiddle playing loudly. I grin as I see that twinkly lights brighten up the square. It's magical and for a moment I can't believe this is real. That we are are so happy here. After all the years of oppression, sometimes this life seems like a dream that I'm afraid to wake up from. But I don't because this is real. The people of our district deserve this. A group of kids run up to greet us and I can't believe who I see.It's Hazelle and the kids. I run up and hug her tight. Posy has gotten so big. She must be six now. And Rory looks so much like Gale. Vic's gotten bigger too. I can't believe they are here. Peeta picks up Posy as I talk with Hazelle. She is here to stay now. She tells me she has been longing for twelve and couldn't wait to come back now that it's been rebuilt. I spot Haymich drinking a bottle of whiskey and eating a pastry. We all get some food and I talk with the kids to see how they are. Hazelle tells me Gale is engaged and set to be married next month. This news hits me like a punch in the gut but then I remember that this is a good thing. Now Gale and I can both be happy and move on with our lives. I congratulate her and tell her to send me a photo from the wedding, not thinking that I'll be able to watch the whole thing live on television.Peeta dances with one of the girls and motions for me to join in the next dance. I love dancing, and Peeta is quite good even though he has only done this kind of dance one other time. We clap to the music and twirl around giddy with happiness. I try the pecan pie and can only eat half a piece because it is so rich. I make Peeta finish it as I grab a bowlful of beef stew. It tastes wonderful and warms my insides right up. Peeta and I then dance to a slower love song about a man's enduring love for his girl that's as strong as a red rose in winter. When we finish I hear a noise like glass breaking. Peeta takes my hand and heads over to where the sound came from. Haymich is drunk and from the look of it, in a brawl with a man in town that I've never known to be the least bit nice. Peeta rushes in and goes to Haymich stopping him from taking another swing. Instead he falls over and vomits. People get back as Peeta assures them that's it's alright and he will take him home. I offer to help but Peeta says he has him alright. But I walk with them home and try my best to help out. Haymich's place stinks badly as ever. I open the window and gather up garbage that has been thrown around. Peeta changes Haymich's shirt and puts him to bed after he passed out. As he comes down the stairs I see that Peeta's shirt is soiled with vomit. We both sigh and walk back home. "Thanks Peeta, for helping him.""We owe Haymich, me and you. Real or not real?""Real," I smile "But I owe you more than anything. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for all you have done for me, back from that first time you threw me the bread, till all you still do for me now."Peeta stops and takes my shoulders and looks at me serious."Hey, you don't owe me anything. I did everything because I wanted to. Not so you could repay me in some way. . . But for the record, you are more than I ever wanted, and I get to have you every day. I don't need or want anything else, okay?"I nod, and all I can think to say is, "Okay."We clean up and then run out on the porch because we both hear the fireworks. I've never seen them up close like this. It's loud like a gun shot but so beautiful like a flower of lights exploding in the sky. Peeta holds me from behind as we watch the breathtaking spectacle. And before we head back inside he pulls me into a long kiss, picks me up and carries me inside. I hold on to him until he puts me down in bed and I suddenly feel all the weight of the day hit me. I yawn and fall asleep as Peeta strokes my hair back. 


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21  
Engaged The next day Peeta and I check on Haymich to find him nursing a nasty hangover. I cross my arms over my chest angry with my former mentor. I shouldn't be, we all have our ways of coping, but fighting in front of all those people in town? Normally I wouldn't care, the drinking is fine, but it's not like Haymich to get into a brawl. It must have been something personal, Haymich is good at burying his emotions like I used to be until I turned into a wreck. I hate to ask though. Instead I perch on the windowsill as Peeta brews Haymich a pot of coffee. The place stinks- bad. He really could use someone to clean the place for him. That's when I remember Hazelle. I make a mental note to ask her if she'd like her old cleaning job at Haymich's back. When Haymich falls asleep, Peeta and I head into town. It's a Saturday and the festival goes until tomorrow. Peeta goes right to the the bakery to help set up the food for today. I follow behind until I spot Johanna. She's walking over to me in a flowing green skirt that I can only describe as silk waves, like the sea. "Well hello you, didn't see you last night? You will not believe what happened."Johanna is gripping both my hands and has on the giddiest expression. She holds up her hand waving a green emerald in my face.I stare at it thinking for a minute and then gasp in disbelief. "He asked you to marry him?"She squeals and lets me go. "Of course! Brainless. . ." She gives me a smirk and hugs me tight. I'm still in shock, but I'm so happy. Johanna deserves this, a friend for life, and they have always seemed well suited for each other. Giving a diamond or gem as an engagement token was a common practice in the richer districts. Not like Twelve where you got rings as hand me downs or from a couple who died. "So what kind of wedding are you going to have?" "Oh I don't know, but we are going to wait till spring. It's my favorite time of year. And his too. And we are alright with the wait, what's a few months compared with eternity, right?" "Yeah." Knowing Johanna, she'll want a fancy wedding that needs planning anyway. I smile and give her another hug. Genuinely happy. "So let me tell you all about it, it was right after the fireworks. He held my hand and got down on his knee and proposed. It was so romantic with the lights and the atmosphere. I was ecstatic. Who would ever think that I would ever get married?"She smiles at the floor, as if she's thinking about something and then we rush over and she tells Peeta the good news too. The weekend goes by in a rush. We celebrate Johanna and Adrian's engagement and then things quiet down again. Hazelle was happy when I asked her about cleaning at Haymich's again. The weather has gotten cooler and I find myself going to the woods every day. I've been feeling industrious, like getting out and doing things. Maybe because that's what I always have done this time of year, when winter is creeping up on us. I would hunt and try to get the biggest haul before some of the animals hibernated. Before it got too cold to even venture out of the house at all on the really bad days. Peeta and I spend most of our nights in front of the fire or we make one outside and sit around with Johanna, Adrian, and Haymich. It's nice to smell the wood burning mixed with the crispness of the cool air. And next to Peeta, I feel safe. We talk about the past sometimes. Tonight Johanna started talking about Finnick. How they first met and became friends. She knew about him and the way Snow used him unlike the rest of us, "It angered me. It made me thankful I didn't have anyone to use. Snow never could hurt me that way. Everyone I cared about was long gone. So I tried my best to be supportive of Finnick."I feel Peeta shiver and he brings up another subject. I never knew much about Johanna or Finnick before I met them, other than what I was fed by the Capital, and we were thrown into an arena together. So it was nice to hear her talk. Today is cold and cloudy, Peeta sits by the window painting. And I sit by him leaning on his shoulder watching his strokes of paint on the canvas. I'm surprised when he paints a ray of sunshine coming down from a cloud. It brightens the scene up considerably and I like it much better. We've both been doing good. Peeta hasn't had a bad flashback since he has been taking the bigger dose of morphling. And I haven't been so down. I've been trying to make the most of each day and live my life the best I can. Peeta and I help each other. I look up at his concentrated expression. His blue eyes almost look grey in this lighting. He turns to me suddenly, "Would you ever want to try?" "Try what?"Peeta smiles, "Picking up a brush."I think of the time he tried to teach me to bake. We had fun that day, but my bread making was a disaster. I shake my head which makes Peeta laugh. "Okay, I just thought I'd ask." I wrap my arm around his left one and watch him until the sun starts to set. I get up and make the announcement that I'll be making supper. Why not? A nice venison stew sounds delicious. Peeta helps me cut up vegetables, some left over katniss, and potatoes into the pot. It simmers for a while as Peeta bakes some cheese biscuits in the oven. Together the biscuits and stew make a great combination. I eat until I feel full and warm and clean up. Peeta and I play a game of checkers and turn on the television. There is a big spread about Gale and his fiancé, Jewel's, engagement party that the Capital hosted last night. Gale is a pretty important person, so I see him on the television a lot. I've finally come to terms with how I feel about his engagement so I'm really glad that they look happy together. I smile and curl up next to Peeta. When the coverage is over, Peeta flips off the television and runs his fingers through my hair. He likes it down, I think it's mostly so he can play with it. "Katniss, are you really happy? You know, here with me?"I sit up and look at him upset, "What would make you think I'm not?"He shrugs and stares at the floor, "Well, doesn't it bother you to see Gale happy with someone else?" He says this with no self pity in his voice, just sadness and remorse.I think of how it used to bother me, send that sinking feeling down to the pit of my stomach. I was also at a low point then. And I love Peeta, how can he not know that? Reassuring him I sit closer and kiss him repeatedly, until he starts to talk.He puts his head close to mine. "I'm sorry. . . I just . . . I have to know. Did you love him?"I'm taken aback, I haven't thought about exactly what I felt towards Gale in months. I loved him as a friend. Those times I kissed him, I needed comfort. I needed to remember I was still alive. Or it was because I sensed Gale was in pain. "Peeta, I only cared for Gale as a good friend. He was my best friend. And that's the truth."He considers this a moment and looks at me before nodding and rests his head on mine. "Okay. I was just wondering, that's all."When we head upstairs, Peeta returns back to his normal self and takes a shower. When he comes out he rushes next to me under the covers to get warm. We huddle close and I kiss his cheek and look into those eyes. "I love you."He blushes a little and kisses me back, on the lips though, "I love you too Katniss"


	22. Snow day

CHAPTER 22Snow Day  
I wake up before Peeta, it's after ten but it's still kind of dark in the room. Cold, I get up and light the fire. I pull on a sweater and open the drapes. It's snowing!I grin as I stare out at all the white that's as far as the eye can see. Gentle flakes grace down and fall on the windowsill. I feel like waking Peeta to see, but decide instead to get back in bed. I feel my body start to shiver from the wind that's coming through the walls. Peeta's eyes flutter open and he smiles up at me. He pulls me into a long kiss. "Hey." "It's snowing Peeta." I grin. "Really?" His eyes widen and he throws his sheets over to me and looks out the window. "Guess winter is officially here." He says jumping back into bed next to me.I yawn still tired and snuggle up next to his warmth. Peeta runs his fingers through my hair, "So what do you want to do today?" "Mmh, just stay here." I'm so beyond caring and really would be happy in Peeta's arms all day. He sighs and kisses the top of my head, holding me closer. "Okay." The next thing I know, I am awakened by the smell of bacon and syrup warming. I sit up finding that Peeta's not beside me. He must be downstairs. My suspicions are confirmed when I hear the clinking of dishes and see light glowing from the hallway. I get up, pull on a robe and walk downstairs not even bothering to get dressed or braid my hair. Peeta greets me with a grin. He has eggs and bacon cooking in a pan and the waffle iron is warming up a fresh batch. I come over and help Peeta cut up fruit to make orange juice, my favorite. We have a long breakfast while we watch the snow come down. By the time we finish its late afternoon and the sun is starting to go down already. The days are shorter now and Peeta runs upstairs to grab his canvas and paints. I clean up the dishes and sit next to him to watch his painting come to life. It's a beautiful sunset. Orange and red streak the sky and the sun is an orange ball sinking behind a cloud into the darkness. Hopefully that means that tomorrow will be a nice day and we can venture outside. When Peeta finishes, I heat us up a couple mugs of warm milk. It's kind of become our routine and I like it. Our nights by the fire having a warm drink before bed. I long for normalcy now. Days I just spend with Peeta are my favorite. Sometimes we hardly do anything and others are real busy. But we have each other and that's all I need. Peeta picks up the memory book and brings it over to me. He sits behind me and places the book in my lap for us both to look at. I smile a little, it's been weeks since I looked at the book. We have a new picture of Finnick Jr and Annie to add to the book, and I almost cry seeing Prim and my father. Peeta painted their features so precise, I just wish they could come off the page and I could have them back again. I'd do anything to have them back. Of course I still think of them, and seeing them on the page makes the wounds feel fresh again. Peeta helps melt away the pain that comes though. Even now he's stroking my hair gently and kisses my cheek. I smile and the tears halt. The wind is picking up now and I can feel it even come through the wall. We decide to leave a low fire lit in our room all night so we don't freeze. After we head upstairs I dig in my drawer for a warm set of pajamas. I find a long soft flannel pair that I haven't worn in over a year. I pull them on quickly as I can and hop into bed next to Peeta. As soon as I get under the sheets he brings me in close to his body heat, I give him a long kiss goodnight. Peeta caresses my face and wraps his other arm around my waist pulling my body right next to his. I can feel his heart beat against my chest as Peeta strokes my hair back untangling some knots. I look up at him. His eyes are deep blue pools that drown me in a million moments. His smile reassures me that everything is alright now, and then he kisses my forehead. "Mmh, I'm so glad you are here." He whispers by my ear. I brush back his hair with my fingers and think about how much he means to me. How glad I am he has come back for me. When I think of how he used to be and how he is now, sometimes I believe that he never left. Not really. It's been a real struggle for the one person I love and if I had the power to change it I would have made the rebels in Thirteen save Peeta. Even if it was instead of me. "What are you thinking/" Peeta asks grinning down at me. I look down and close my eyes. If Peeta knew how I really felt about that he'd lose it, so I just tell him what I can. "You." He moves over on top of me now. "Oh yeah, what about me?" Clearly Peeta is in a good mood tonight, I laugh because he is acting so playful and I'm so happy he can act his easy way again. "Nuh uh, I'm not telling." "Please." He begs and smiles mischively. I can't resist him. "You just amaze me sometimes. How you came back." Peeta lays back but keeps my gaze, twirling a strand of my hair. "I had to fight. . . for you, I can't imagine life without you." I look away and blush. I can't imagine life without him either. I need him so now. I suddenly jump when a loud howl of wind takes me off guard. Peeta cradles me is his arms and shushes me. I can't mistake the smile in his voice. I look up to confirm my suspicion and his face drops. "What is it Katniss?" I take his face and he closes his eyes and takes my hand with his and kisses the back of it. I entwine my fingers in his and lean in and press my lips up against his. You'd think I would know everything by now about Peeta's lips from all the kisses we have shared. But everytime I feel his kiss I stir inside and it feels like it's the first time. Peeta frees his hands and wraps his arms around me running his hands up my back. His touch is so comforting. He folds onto me and I hold onto him refusing to let go of him or anything else. I don't hesitate at all. Every part of me wants to give in. To feel. To love. To be with him. I am warmed from the inside of my chest out. It feels impossibly good and I don't want to go to sleep, not now. But soon he is fast asleep because I can't deny him that. I decide to stay awake holding him. I study his features and rest next to him until I too doze off to sleep. The next day is a snow day. Like yesterday, except today the snow has stopped falling, so we can venture out in it. The sun is out and white puffy clouds float in the sky. Peeta wraps my red scarf around my neck and pulls on a pair of winter boots. I pull on a wool jacket and put on gloves from Cinna that are lined with fur and we race out the door. The air is crisp and clean. As I breath I see the grey puffs of air come and then disappear. We walk to the spot that used to be Gale and my meeting place. It's nice and has a beautiful view of the mountains and hills. It's more difficult trudging through the snow to get there but I don't mind, and Peeta's doing alright keeping up with me. In the summer it's lush and green, but now, it is white clean snow as far as I can see. The snow sticks to the trees and there is no wind to make it really feel freezing. On bad days I don't come here because of all the memories that are tied to this place, but now, here with Peeta I don't mind. Peeta puts my hand in his pocket and we sit on a bench he had Thom put here for us. It's beautiful, I lean in and breath in Peeta's sweet smell that's mixed with the scent of the leather from his coat. Everything is so peaceful until Peeta gets up suddenly and walks away. I'm starting to get worried when I feel wet snow hit the back of my neck. I whip around to see Peeta dodge and laugh. "Peeta Mellark!" I quickly arm myself with as many snowballs as I can make. I'm not so good at making them but every one I throw hits him. I laugh when one hits the back of him, totally catching him off guard. We go at this until Peeta cries, "Okay, okay I surrender!" He comes close to my face and whispers softly, "I should have known better, you are the best shot I know." And then he backs away suddenly. I look at him quizzically until I feel wet snow drip down my back. I scream and jump around getting the stuff off me. I push him with both my hands but he grabs me, pulling me down on top of him in the snow. He takes my face and kisses me full on the mouth. He sits up, me in his lap, "Forgive me?" I nod unable to stay angry with the one person I've grown to care about so much, and then he falls back again. He waves his arms back and forth. Snow angels. Prim and I used to love to do that in the snow. I lay back next to him and look over at his smiling face. "I love you, you know." He looks over and smiles slyly. "I love you too. . .you know" I grin and roll closer to him. I put my arms around his chest and hug him burying my face in his jacket. He holds my head until I get up and help him stand. He takes my hand and we walk home. I spot Johanna and Adrian. Johanna runs over to us, "Hey! Adrian is taking me to a new shop that sells fine china and jewelry." "That's nice," I say "Oh and then we're going for a romantic stroll. Is that what you two were up to?"Peeta and I look at each other and smile. "I guess, we went to the meadow and looked at the view." Peeta tells her. "Well, see you around!" She squeels pulling Adrian along. "Yeah maybe we could have dinner together tomorrow." Adrian adds. "Sure that'd be nice." Peeta grins and holds my hand tighter. We walk into the house and take off our thick layers. I grab a pile of wood and light the fire. Peeta warms the oven and heats us up some leftover stew and potatoes. We eat at the table quietly. Personally, I'm exhausted, and by the look in his eyes I can tell Peeta is pretty beat too. I offer to clean up and Peeta flips through the channels. Sometimes he watches the singing show Plutarch put on and there are also shows about families and this one show donates money to a special family every week. Some of them are pretty nice, but I don't care to watch usually. Things are so different now. Sometimes I can't even believe that things could be this good. When I think of the war and all the people who died fighting for this, I guess it was worth it. For those who will follow us, the future generations. I hope they remember, that the only way we can live is in unity together and how stupid and wasteful and painful war is. I hope it never happens again. "Hey are you okay?" I look up to see Peeta looking at me concerned. "Oh I was just lost in thought, sometimes I can't believe all this is real, how different things are now." He smiles and walks me to the couch. He holds me as he reads to me from a book. I hardly notice myself dozing off, lost in the comfort of Peeta's voice and warmth until I feel his arms tighten around me and feel the sensation that I am being lifted. I open my eyes and see Peeta's blue eyes trained on me as he pulls the covers over me. I watch the fire flicker and feel Peeta's arms wrap around my frame as I fall fast asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Wedding Plans I hear a howling and look up to see a mutt howl as it runs towards me. I look over to see Peeta urging me to run. But I can't, I'm frozen, I try to tell Peea to run but my voice is silent. Peeta picks me up and throws me up high on the cornucopia. I reach for him to grab him but the mutts are pulling him down. The howling is so loud and I'm struggling hard to save him futilely. No matter how hard I scream I can't and tears run down my face as the mutts take him away. Peeta is shaking my shoulder and I realize how tense my muscles are. My arms are wrapped around me and my throat hurts from the straining. "Did you have a nightmare?"I nod and sigh shaking from the howl of the wind outside. "Mutts" I whisper under my breath. "Oh. . .well you're okay now, I'm here. Your safe." Peeta kisses the top of my head and warms me with his hands. I grab his shirt and kiss him hard and long making this choking sound in the back of my throat. Sometimes it's the only thing that can make me feel okay again and reassured that he's here and safe, the only way I can calm down. I sigh and finally relax lost in the sound of Peeta's heartbeat that drowns out the wind. The next morning, the sun streams through the windows. Another nice day out. Peeta's got his arm around me and is still sound asleep. I turn towards him and touch his hair, pushing it off of his face. He lets out a sigh as I kiss his forehead. I lay back staring at his features, trying to memorize everything about him until he moves and stretches. Then I close my eyes and pretend like I'm just getting up too. "Hey, did you sleep alright, after that?" Peeta asks "Okay I guess, how about you?"He shakes his head and grins, "None, no nightmares" I smile ruefully, almost jealous but I really shouldn't be. I wish he'd never have those twisted nightmares about me. The though of them lurking in the back of his mind pains me to no end. Dr Aurelius was right, I can't imagine what he went through. I wonder if I would've done as well as him if it was reversed- probably not. Really I don't want to know what happened, from what I do know it was awful. . . So bad. So cruel. I feel hot tears threatening to fall down. I quickly realize this and stop.Peeta realizes my change, "What's wrong?"I give him a smile and lean in, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Nothing, I'm alright now." Johanna comes over after breakfast. She has a stack a mile high of wedding catalogues. Ones of dresses, shoes, jewelry, veils, food, plates, colors, cakes. And after a while it all looks like a white blur. Johanna could look at them all day. She puts a big red circle around the ones she likes the best. Peeta looks at the different cakes with her and then plays a game of chess with Adrian and they serve us lunch. A beef sandwich with salt and gravy. It's really good, and definitely helped my mood. When she is finally down to the final ten dresses we decide to do something else for a while. She and I walk around the square and talk. "Katniss, what was it that finally made you want to marry Peeta?" She asks me looking at the snow pile ahead.I'm puzzled. "Why?" "I was just curious. That's all." "Oh, well, I guess when I realized that I couldn't live without him. And I had known I cared about him for a while, since he got back. So when he asked me it just seemed natural."Johanna's face lifts and a smile plays on her face. She looks almost giddy. "Ooh! How did he propose, I can't believe I never asked before. Tell me everything!" She demands grabbing my arm. I tell her about our day at the lake and the necklace, I pull out from my shirt to show her. How it rained and I told him I loved him and it just happened, "I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life in that moment and he asked." "Oh, that's so romantic! Well, I guess I'm not surprised. I hoped you two would get together finally. You know that it could be even possible. But look at you now."I smile, "Johanna, I'm so glad you found Adrian. I know you will be happy." I wish I could mention that he is the only real friend she has had besides me since Finnick died but I don't dare. "Awh, thanks Katniss! I know, he's the best."We walk back inside and roast sweet candies called mallows over the fire. Peeta heats us all up hot chocolate. The wind starts up so Johanna and Adrian leave. "I forgot how elaborate weddings can be." Peeta laughs beside me in front of the fire that is still lit. I stop my crocheting that I've got a little better at and look at him. "Well you know Johanna," I say playfully, "it was a huge compromise just for her to have the wedding here."Peeta thinks for a moment, "Are you in the wedding?" I grin and put my face close to his, "Shh, it's supposed to be a secret." We both burst out laughing. But compared to out little toasting the traditional wedding Johanna expects is a great deal larger of an event. People from all over come to celebrate with them. Johanna mentioned that in Seven the couple is given a tree that they carve their initials into. Branches are laid out that symbols the couples new beginning. She told me that she wants these special things included in the ceremony. And yes, she is having the wedding here so I can be in it. I smile thinking about the day I first met her. The hotness in my blood that grew during that conversation in the elevator. She seemed like a big show off who couldn't help stripping off her clothes whenever I was around. How we have changed. Peeta smiles and walks me upstairs. When I finally get into bed Peeta is already asleep. I get under the sheets careful not to wake him and drift off. I was up with Peeta a lot last night. The last few nights when he gets up he can't stop shaking and goes into himself during the day. And he doesn't want to talk about it. All I can do is stay by his side and hold him until he feels safe enough to fall back to sleep. He wakes crying out and shakes terrified. I calm him the best I can. Finally he pulls away and tells me he is going to paint for a while. I go to the bathroom to wash. When I look in the mirror I can't help notice the dark circles under my eyes. I grab my pearl and decide to take it out and roll it against my lips. It's cool and soft and reminds me of all the times I've done this before when I felt I needed comfort. I place the pearl back in the necklace and clasp it behind my neck. When I come out Peeta is nowhere around. I figure he must be still painting so I decide to fix us toast downstairs. As I am buttering a piece I hear a thump from upstairs. I run upstars to inspect the sound. "Peeta!" I cry out and find him crumpled and passed out on the floor in the room where he paints. "Peeta!" I scream again and my heart races as I run to him. I roll him over and press my head against his chest. His heart is beating thank goodness but he is out cold. I try to do what comes to mind. I shake him and when nothing seems to work I run downstairs. I yank my boots on and race next door to Adrian. My feet trudge through the snow until I reach his front porch. I knock, and the door flies open. "Katniss, what is it?" He asks concerned. "It's Peeta, he's unconscious." I say still in shock. "I'm coming over." He grabs a coat and follows me. I rush him upstairs and Adrian leans over Peeta's body. He checks his pulse and looks into his eyes. "I don't know, we have to get him to the hospital though."A hospital car drives up that has a long back for patients and Adrian is able to carry him downstairs. I hop in the car next to him and we drive off. My mind is racing. What now? What could've happened to Peeta? My mind worries that his flashback could have been so bad he lost consciousness. He was just painting. Painting his nightmares out. I hope he is not too bad- unreachable. Adrian notices how I'm fidgeting and grabs my hand in a comforting way, looking me in the eye. "He is going to be okay, trust me."I nod into his dark trusting eyes and get out of the car because we are here.They make me stay in a waiting area even though I beg to be with him. Adrian insisted on taking care of him. I pace back and forth crumpling a paper in my hand, until Haymich and Johanna arrive. I accept their embraces and explain what happened the best I can. Then I hear it, a scream that curdles my blood. Adrenaline courses through me, it's Peeta in my nightmares, screaming in pain. I feel my body tense and the hair raise on my neck, my body reacts before I can stop myself. I run for the door to where he is. A couple nurses grab me but I scream and kick, struggling for them to let me go. I am frantic when I hear him scream my name and I feel the room start to spin. "Peeta!" I yell until I feel a needle pierce my skin and I too loose consciousness."Katniss go! We need to get out of here!" Peeta screams grabbing my hand and I run with him to the edge of the arena. Rue comes down in mockingjay form and tugs on me to follow her. "What about Peeta, I can't leave him." She just begs me to follow her up into the sky. I dig my hand harder into Peeta's as I'm dragged upwards into the sky. But I'm too heavy and fall. Down and I'm drowning in a pool of orange bubbles, it's so bright it's blinding and I hear Peeta screaming my name. When I wake up a hazy Haymich comes into view. Where am I? He has a liquor flask in hand and just notices me awaken. I look over to see a tube in my arm and that I'm strapped down to a bed remembering I'm in the hospital in Twelve. Peeta. "What happened Haymich?"He looks older in this light. I can tell by his look its not good news. "Tell me! Tell me now!" I demand.Haymich looks down and takes my hand. "He's not doing good. He keeps talking nonsense and muttering things. He comes in and out of consciousness and looks damn terrified when he's come to." "I have to see him. Please Haymich tell them I have to see him." "Katniss. . . they flew him to the Capital."


	24. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss is lost when she finds out peeta is hundreds of miles away from her. Post Traumatic stress sets in and she becomes despondent. Will Peeta ever be the same after this episode that set him back. Peeta is having a hard time talking about katniss, he's confused. What's real? What's not real? It's a game they've been playing for so long but will they now have to start all over again?   
> Huge thanks to all my followers of this story your kudos and comments all mean the world to me. Sometimes you make me cry I'm so happy if you have any suggestions for OOTA feel free to comment and let me know I have quite a ways to go still until this piece of work is finished and I move them onto a movie version of OOTA I can't wait to share that work with you in the future!!! A sample can be found of chapter one on my main page. Love you all!!!! Have a wonderful time reading. Never stop reading what makes you happy!

CHAPTER 24Alone  
"No!"  
I am in shock, I can't believe it, no. I start hyperventilating, this can't be, I need him, how could they take him away? I'm so mad I'm screaming now. "No! They can't do that, Adrian wouldn't have let them!"  
"He had no choice, Dr Aurelius is the only one that can help him."I feel dizzy as the nurse puts me under again.  
Alone, so alone. White walls and screams haunt me at night, all of them belonging to Peeta. He's always out of my reach and I try to find him futily. All I can do is wait here for him. Who knows how much time has passed. Haymich comes in every day to let me know how things are doing. Dr Aurelius has been having long talks with him and he is helping him to sort out things. Apparently he is so scared he can't even talk about me yet. I lay in bed so depressed, so helpless. All I want is to hold him and let him know it's alright. That the nightmares aren't real. After all, he always came back for me. Why don't they send him back? He is still too unstable, is the answer I always hear. I spend my days staring at the ceiling and out at the snow falling outside my window, thinking if how I should have kept a better eye on him, things I could have done differently. Maybe I could've stopped it. The pain in my chest grows and nothing is able to help it. 

Johanna comes by too. I like her company better, because she thinks it's as unfair as I do. I mope and wander around with Johanna, who has to escort me. We walk down the halls but have to stay on this one floor where they help mentally unstable ones. They give me morphling through the IV on bad days to help with the pain I'm experiencing but it doesn't help. I know who I need that can take away the pain. But he's not here. He's far away and can't even speak about me because he is so terrified. Terrified of me. Does he think I'm a mutt again? Will we have to start all over, getting to know each other? Will he even want to be with me? Will he still love me? Why did this happen? He was doing so well. I'm so depressed I force myself to sleep all the time. Its the only escape I have. Adrian tries talking to me and says they want to keep me here until I am more stable. He sees me every day trying to help and says comforting words that make no impression on me. I haven't even been able to will myself to eat, they give me nutrients and stuff through the IV. Why should I care anyway? What if Peeta never comes back to me, well then I'll just give up and die her or turn into a morphling addict. Another few weeks pass by and it feels like I've spent an eternity this way. Time means nothing. I barely register to anything until Johanna rushes in ecstatic one day. 

"Katniss, he wants to talk to you," "What?" I say as I spring up, this slight motion makes my head spin.  
"Not Peeta but the doctor."I grab the phone from her hand, "Hello? Dr Aurelius?" 

"Yes Katniss, How are you first off?" I look down at myself in the hospital bed. "Not so good, why did they take him away?" 

"He was very unstable and there was too much of a risk of him doing something he would later regret, I know it's hard."  
"How is Peeta?" "I was hoping I could get your point of view in what exactly happened."  
"Well, he had a bad night. Lately he would shake a lot from his nightmares and was kind of quiet about them. And when he woke up that morning he went to paint in his room, I left him and then I couldn't find him until I did and he was on the floor. I really don't know what happened." I say feeling bad that I ever left him and I am not more helpful.  
"Hmm okay. He is talking about you now and you can relax he doesn't hate you anymore. All he says is that he doesn't want to hurt you. So he is struggling to push the distorted version of you aside. So that's a plus. It's just the struggle. But he is really confused. So I think he'll be heading home soon. I think if he can see you it would be good therapy now. I have him on the morphling drip but we are weaning him back on the pills now. This is just the type of thing we can't expect Katniss. Hang in there. Sometimes the episodes are just worse and we don't know why. I'm sorry."It's a lot to take in but I'm grateful. 

"Thank you, so when can I see him?" I ask anxiously.  
"In a couple days, Friday at the latest."What day is it anyway? Tuesday I think.  
"Okay thank you."  
"Just, well, he might be a little different. Because of what happened."  
My heart sinks, "What do you mean?"  
"He's been asking a lot of questions I can't answer and seems to have trouble remembering a lot. He needs to ask you. About your marriage, a lake he asks about, and things like that. If you help him he will be fine."  
"I will try my best."  
"I know you will"  
After talking with the doctor I do feel better, more hopeful. I can have him in two days. My heart feels lighter and the aching pain that has been eating away at me is relieved a bit. I feel myself smiling as I realize Johanna staring at me waiting. 

"So?" She asks  
"He'll be home in two days."She lets out a sigh of relief.  
"Oh how is he?" "He is having a hard time remembering what's real, our wedding, the lake I take him to. I'm going to have to help him."I look down and Johanna takes my hand, "We will all help you and him the best we can. I promise he will be back to his old self before you know it."

I smile up at her, and realize just how close to family she really is. They serve me a cheese sandwich and Adrian tells me I can go home tomorrow. He gives me some pills the next day and Johanna walks me home. 

The two days are agonizing. I look for things to do, I crochet with Johanna and make two scarfs, hunt, eat, wait. Finally it is Friday and Haymich, Adrian, Johanna and I all wait at the train station for Peeta. My heart is pounding and I grip Johanna's hand as it pulls up. Finally I see him for the first time in over a month. A nurse is helping him off and all I want is to rush into his arms. He looks around unsure until he notices us all and eventually smiles. I wait until he looks me in the eye and relaxes his previously tense shoulders before I wrap my arms around him and give him the biggest hug. I hold him and realize that I'm shaking and I start to cry.After a minute Peeta returns my embrace,  
"Katniss, you missed me?"

I look up and see the confusion on his face mixed with something else. Surprise, a pleasant surprise.  
"Of course Peeta." I hold him tighter as the rest come up to give him a hug.Adrian gives him a pat,

"Remember me pal?"Peeta stares at him and nods,  
"Yeah, Adrian, I remember." He smiles.  
"I have this ring on, do you know why?" He asks me softly.I stifle one of those chokes I get when I cry and hold up my ring, "Peeta we are married."He puts his hand over his mouth trying to hide a smile. I tentatively reach out my hand for his. He looks down at where his hand lays by his side and then entwines his fingers in mine.  
We walk to the Victors Village as Peeta asks me a bunch of questions- about the first day he arrived, the lake, when we were married, planting primrose. Adrian and Johanna fix us a meal of beef stew. Peeta is calm and stable and we all help him with the questions he has. He is a little hesitant about showing me affection but never pushes me away when I touch his arm. If only he wasn't so confused. I miss him so much. I want him to hold me and just tell me it's okay, and I realize how much I cherish his comfort, his arms, his lips and how bad I need him. He seems stable enough, and hasn't made any indications that he's afraid of me. His eyes meet mine and then flitter away like they used to when we were kids. I offer to take Peeta back to our home and since he seems alright with being alone with me the gang agrees that it's alright. So after we eat, I walk him home and we sit on the couch by the fire. 

We sit in silence before I take his hand and ask him, "Peeta, do you know I love you?"He looks into my eyes sad. "Do you really?" I nod.  
"You don't know how bad I've longed for that to be true, how I missed you," He says pulling me into a long hug, burying his face in my shirt.  
"All I could think of was the nightmares and I was so afraid. Of losing you forever, losing myself to them. . ." 

"Peeta, it's okay, and I love you" I take his head and cradle him in my arms. Is it all true? The lake?" He takes my pearl in between his fingers. "The toasting, the interview, the nights I held you?"  
"Yeah, it's real, those things really did happen. This is real. And we have grown together. We protect each other, remember?"He lets out a sigh as if he has just put together the last piece in a puzzle. 

"Thank goodness." He muffles in my shirt and I feel my shoulder getting wet from silent tears. "I thought it was just a dream but I wanted it to be real so bad." 

I stroke his hair and warm his arm talking about our summer together, days at the lake, him giving me the necklace. Fall nights by the fire and leaves falling, the Harvest Festival. About days in the meadow and after a while Peeta comes into the conversation adding things that he remembers too. Even things I forgot about. I don't leave his side as I crawl into bed with him. I lay on his chest and he puts his arm around my frame. "I love you Katniss, I'm so glad to be home. This is home, wherever you are."I smile and squeeze him tighter lulled by his familiar comforting smell and heartbeat into a night where I actually sleep peacefully.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed this one !

CHAPTER 25Home Again 

When I awaken I am not in a cold hospital bed. Instead Peeta is here. I stare at him and wrap my arm around his frame thinking of all my fears that I had just yesterday. I didn't know what to expect and now he is here and I know we'll be okay. I sit up in bed and look out the window. It's a warmer day out, a good day for a walk. I see that all the snow has just about melted. The month is February but March is only a week away. I think about taking Peeta out for a hike, maybe it would help refresh his memories. I don't want to leave Peeta's side until I know he is okay. So I lay beside him until he finally stirs and opens his eyes. He looks at me confused and then closes his eyes again.   
"Peeta, it's okay."He looks at me again and gives me a small smile. "Hi." 

"Hey, are you alright?"He sits up, "Yeah, I just needed a second. . . So I haven't baked in a while."He looks me over and creases his brow, "Who has been feeding you Katniss, you are so thin."I haven't thought much about how I look and stare down and my body ashamed. I can't tell him how foolish I have acted.  
He sees my change in mood and gives me a hug. "Cheese buns are your favorite real or not real?"I look up at him and smile back at him, "Real" 

I look in the bathroom mirror as I change and notice how my ribs are sticking out and my face is sunken in a bit. I decide not to braid my hair and the smell of fresh bread baking makes my stomach growl. I am starving. I sit on the counter and eat a chicken leg while I wait with Peeta for the buns to be done. "How would you like to go to the lake Peeta?" I askHe thinks and looks up at me, "Your father used to take you there?"   
"Real and it was the first place I took you after you saved me." "I saved you?" He questions.  
"Yeah, I was bleeding on the floor and you came in and found me. It was the first time I spoke to you since you came back from the Capital. Don't you remember?" I look at his studious expression sadly. Oh Peeta you have to remember. He was so good last night, but after all that day was over a year ago

. "A little, I remember cleaning your wrists but I don't remember why. Why was I doing that?"I feel ashamed telling him about how low of a point I was at, I couldn't go on anymore and it was a foolish attempt to end my life. He listens intently and looks sad as he walks over to me. He wraps his arms around me, "Oh Katniss, you wouldn't think of doing that ever again would you?" He peers into my grey eyes looking for the answer he wants.

"No Peeta, never" and I bury my face in his shirt as I think about how lost I felt without him a short while ago. The agonizing month without him. I was ready to give up without him again. "It's just hard for me to be away from you." 

He smiles and kisses my head lovingly and takes out fresh cheese buns out of the oven. They smell so good and I feel my senses renew again. We sit down with glasses of orange juice and dig in. They taste so good I eat three of them and two eggs and sausage. Finally stuffed I sit back unable to hold another bite. Feeling more full and satisfied than I have in weeks I look out the window as Peeta cleans our plates. It looks like it might rain. "Peeta do you remember how you love the rain?"  
"I remember that day in the rain we had together," he grins "I was so happy. And I didn't want that moment to end" He smiles at me with the towel still in his hand. 

"Neither did I."Then he comes over and lifts me off the counter and spins me around. I laugh and hang onto his neck before he sets me down. I put my head close to Peeta's and whisper, "Stay with me. . ."He sighs and touches my cheek whispering back, 

"Always." This about brings me to tears. It feels so good to have him back in my arms. I breathe in his scent and warmth and hold on to his back. I don't want to let him go. And he is doing pretty well I think considering what he has just been through. I really just want to kiss him, but I'm still uneasy about doing that yet, not knowing how he would react. We finally release our embrace and head out. The sun is shining and spring feels almost in the air. Snow from the trees is melting and a clump falls on me splattering on my coat. It makes Peeta and me laugh. It almost sounds like its raining, because of the snow dripping, and the sun is out making it sparkle as it falls. Packed snow covers the ground though so we don't get full of mud. That's one thing about the spring I hate is how muddy your boots get. And the squishing sound does not help when you are trying to hunt. Peeta stays quiet but speaks up as we approach our meadow. "It's more beautiful than I remembered." We sit on the bench and look out at the white vastness. The mountains in the distance are more green and brown from the melting of snow and against the blue sky it is breathtaking. I've always loved the mountainside view here. It always seemed safe there, my last resort would be to live in those hills, so it brings on a wave of relief.  
"Katniss, can we go to the lake now? I want to see it."Of course I don't argue so we press on. It's an enjoyable walk because it isn't too cold out and before we know it we are there. A thin sheet of ice covers the lake and sparkles. I watch Peeta's expression, he just stares ahead blankly. I can't tell what's going on inside his head. He closes his eyes and nods from time to time. I just stand there holding his hand until finally he opens his eyes again.  
"Okay," he looks over to me, "A thousand moments were just going through my mind. Being here helps, me know now it was real." He smiles at me and I pull him into the concrete house. I coax up a little fire and we take off our coats for a minute when Peeta breaks the silence,   
"Katniss, did you come here with Gale a lot?" I can't believe he is bringing that up now. "Does it really matter?" I grumble.I look into his sad eyes and want to take back the harshness in my voice. I guess he can't help it. "I'm sorry Peeta" I sigh "I try not to think of the past and it seems like you like to bring it up."He touches my shoulder. "I just want to know you better, there is a lot about you I don't know."I look down thinking about my life before, how could Peeta know? But it doesn't matter. Everything has changed. I have changed why does it matter?I sigh and look at his waiting eyes. I guess I can give him something.

"I used to only feel myself in the woods. It was my safe place and yes I shared it with Gale. Because he hunted too. He was my best friend I could tell anything to. My father got me started of course. He took me to the woods a lot when he was alive. And I went in after he died so I could feed Prim. That's where the family plant book came in. We used to collect edible plants and ones for mother's medicinal use in her apothecary later. This place was special to me though and I usually just came here alone. I only brought Gale here when I thought our other meeting places were not safe anymore."Peeta nods and warms his hands over the fire.

"I never dreamed of venturing out into the woods. You were so brave." He smiles at me. I guess I was but it was life or death. I had no choice.

"Thanks Katniss, that helps."I reach into my hunting bag and pull out sandwiches Peeta made for us. I hand one to Peeta and eat an apple. It's so peaceful here and you can hear the mockingjays chirping melodies back and forth. I think about the time I met Gale here and he told me he loved me. He left that day totally disgusted with me for wanting to run when District Eight was uprising. He was a rebel at heart ever since I met him and it suits him now. Looking over to Peeta I wish I could tell him more but what else is there to tell. That was basically my life, I hunted after school and traded in the Hob, but I felt like I knew my place in those days before the Capital hated me and used me.

I take a deep breath and decide to talk about some days I had hunting. Climbing in the trees, waiting in a tree with Gale on nights the fence was alive with electricity, picking blackberries. I tell him about Gale and my last morning in the meadow before the reaping that changed our lives forever. Peeta listens and smiles nodding at certain points, and asks me questions. Then he tells me a little about his childhood. Learning to bake,

"The first bread I baked was a honey wheat bread- pretty basic. I was little then so the kneading was hard but my dad was proud of me. As I got older I got better, and under my mother's watch I was afraid of making mistakes so I didn't waste much. 

Sometimes it would fall and not turn out. . .that was never good. At school I used to watch you. I was too shy to come up and actually talk to you though." Peeta shrugs, "But I wanted to, and I always admired your fierce love for Prim and how you took care of your family even though it wasn't your job to. I always wished that someday you would feel that way about me." I blush as I pull on my jacket and put out the fire. And Peeta and I head back towards town. Peeta continues to talk and I listen as we walk. I guess talking about the past helps him, and it's nice to know a little more about him. 

We could use a bunch of things so we head to the station to pick up our deliveries, groceries and clothes and things. Peeta picks up the packages and we head home. The air is getting cooler as the sun starts to set and by the time we are home the wind has picked up. We fix dinner, chicken in a spiced sauce with garlic potatoes. It's good and I feel much better with a full stomach. My senses are renewed now that I know Peeta is okay. My hunger is stronger as my body realizes how starved I've been. I have another thick slice of bread as I sit and watch Peeta paint the beautiful icy way the lake looked today. I fix him a mug of spiced milk as he finishes up. I lay next to him, leaning on his shoulder as he strokes my hair. It feels so good to feel Peeta comfort me as he used to, I close my eyes and take in this feeling. 

Upstairs the fire flickers as I lay next to Peeta listening to the wind. It's so loud neither of us can sleep. The whistling is haunting. A loud crash of thunder makes me jump and move closer to Peeta. He rubs circles on my back soothing me until it stops long enough for me to fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night cold. Shivering I head over and grab a soft sweater I keep on a hook by my side of the bed. Peeta hears me stir and looks over to me worried. 

"Katniss, what's wrong?" I shiver, "I was just cold. "Peeta's face relaxes and he warms me, pulling me in closer. I huddle close to his warmth and feel so relaxed. 

He puts his face closer to mine and I'm surprised when he actually kisses me. It's the first time I've kissed him since Peeta has been back and I realize how bad I've wanted to feel the warmth of his lips on mine. I pull his body in closer to mine and feel my insides shudder, I've just been so starved for his touch. He kisses me over and over again. I refuse to let him go and I run my fingers through his hair and my arms fumble around his frame until I feel warmed up from the inside out.  
I let him comfort me and pick up the pieces as I start to tear and feel the weight in my chest that grew from his absence dissolve. The warmth grows inside my being and radiates through me to where our lips meet. I hold onto him not letting go, as close to him as I can. Finally tired I drift off to sleep as Peeta smooths my hair back, kissing my temple.  
I don't let him out of my embrace and we lay wrapped around each other until morning. It's so good to have him back in my arms again. He is what I need, my dandelion in the spring, my hope that life can be good again. No one else makes me feel this way, and I squeeze him tighter so happy I have him now, close to my frame. That I can love him the way he loves me. I have always owed Peeta ever since we were kids and he threw me the bread. But I think now that I can love him- maybe I finally have been able to help repay that debt I owe to the one person I really know I love. Just as I'm lost in these thoughts I feel Peeta stir and see the glint of white from his teeth as he smiles up at me. He rolls over and wraps his arms around me, kissing my lips.   
"Hi, how'd you sleep Peeta?"  
"Good, what about you, any nightmares?"I shake my head and kiss him again. "Your arms kept me safe."


	26. Katniss gets the flu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss finds her sick after spending time with a newly renewed Peeta at the bakery. Johannas wedding is just months ahead and plans are being made.   
> Sorry this ones a short one but 27 is coming right after! As always thanks to my loyal followers and the comments and kudos are so much fun to read and see! Love you all!

It's been a week now since I've had Peeta back and he is much better. Ever since our day at the lake something clicked in Peeta and made him come back. He is able to remember everything much clearer now, and I am so glad to have him back again. Spring is peaking through. 

Although the weather is still damp and chilly, buds are starting to pop up on the branches and bushes. And flower stems are starting to come up. Johanna is frantic with wedding plans even though they plan on getting married in May. "You have to reserve everything early or it gets snatched up" she tells me. She calls Effie who has been designated wedding planner often. I leave it to them and head over to see Peeta at the bakery. It's too muddy to hunt these days. Actually I have not hunted since Peeta has been back for that reason. I miss it though and long for dry summer days.   
When I open the bakery door Theo greets me and motions that Peeta is in the back. I see him braiding a French bread when his gaze meets mine. I come over and he embraces me covering me in flour. "Oh, I'm sorry, Katniss." His shirt is wet from him being so close to the stove, and with all that kneading he always works up a sweat.   
"It's okay, now I look like I work here too." I say laughing  
. "Here you want to put the egg wash on."I crinkle my nose,"The what?"He laughs, holding up a brush, "It's just an egg yoke, you brush it on."   
"Oh" I say and do as Peeta says   
"Good job Katniss, now it's all ready to go in the oven." He smiles.I stay at the bakery all afternoon and watch Peeta work with his hands. I feel tired and achy for some reason but want to help out, so Peeta has me get some ingredients and I stir the batter and put it in the refrigerator to firm up. It's hard work and by the time the sun starts to set I'm good and tired. My throat is starting to feel sore and my head is spinning. I almost feel like I'm coming down with something and hope it's not the flu that some in town have. My mother always said it starts with a sore throat and gets worse from there, but I had ignored her words in my head and never went home early. Instead I stayed and helped Peeta. I was anxious for him to be all done so we could go home though. I start to cough on the way home and I'm feeling so tired I don't realize how I am leaning on Peeta.   
"Katniss, are you feeling alright?"I touch my forehead, "I don't know I kind of feel like I'm coming down with something." I start to shiver and Peeta just scoops me up and carries me the rest of the way home because I'm so tired. He lays me on the couch and gets me a warm mug of herbal tea and some medicine.   
He feels my forehead like my mother used to do when I felt sick and rubs my hands that are freezing.  
"Oh Katniss I hope it's not the flu. Do you feel chilly?"I'm shaking but I feel hot.  
"No" I say taking off one of my shirts  
. "Your hands are cold." He says and gives me two pills that reduce fever.  
He coaxes up the fire and then comes back to sit by me. I start to get up to get my sweater but he stops me. "I'll get it, why don't you just let me take care of you for a while?" He wraps my sweater around me and kisses my temple. We both finish our tea and he puts a dose of sleep syrup in mine and carries me up to bed. I feel like I'm starting to doze and can't help but think of the last time I had that stuff. I had banged up my heel pretty bad and Peeta had carried me up and tucked me in. But when he turned to leave I grabbed his hand and asked him to stay with me until I fell asleep. One thing about sleep syrup is that it makes you uninhibited like white liquor. I reach for Peeta and realize his arms are already around me. I sigh and snuggle next to his chest as the tendrils of sleep syrup pull me under.  
I wake up and it's not morning, I look at the clock and see its the middle of the night. I'm coughing so hard I can't sleep and Peeta rubs circles on the spot on my chest where it hurts. He gets some hard candies for me to suck on and more medicine that helps.   
"Just try to relax Katniss the cough medicine should start kicking in soon. Want me to read to you for a while?" 

Sometimes he does that when I have a nightmare or when I need help falling asleep. The sound of his voice lulls me off usually but I shake my head and bury my head in his shirt. He rests his head on mine and smooths my hair back  
. "I'm sorry your sick." "It's not. . .your fault." I say coughing.  
"Well it's just, you look and sound so miserable, and I hate to see you in pain."I look up at him and smile and rest back on his chest. He soothes my back until my coughing finally stops and I'm able to sleep.   
The next day is worse, but Peeta nurses me all day. He doesn't leave my side unless he is getting me something or fixing me broth. Adrian comes over to look at me, it looks like the flu he says, and tells me to keep taking the fever reducing pills and he gives me a stronger cough syrup to take. It tastes awful but Peeta is diligent in giving it to me every four hours. He lays me on the couch in front of the television and we watch it for a while until I doze off.  
I hear a howling sound and the guttural scream of avoxes in the tunnels of the Capital. 'Katniss, Katniss' I hear the lizard muts hiss my name and I'm all alone running for my life. I look for an escape but everything is blocked off. The smell of roses is choking me and I'm screaming as a mutt claws me and pins me down. "No! Help me! Help!"My eyes fly open and I sit up soaked in sweat terrified. I'm shaking and barely notice Peeta rush in the room.   
"Katniss what is it? Oh I shouldn't have left you." He says putting his arms around me and rocks me back and forth.   
"Was it a nightmare?"I nod. "I couldn't escape and the mutts almost had me. No one was there and I was so scared."  
"Shh, it's okay now. It's okay." He kisses my forehead and I hang onto him tight. Goose flesh is crawling on my skin and making me shiver still. I hold onto Peeta until he gets up to get me a piece of bread with honey on it. Then he sits next to me on the couch. He reads to me for a while but I'm too afraid to fall back to sleep so I force my eyes to stay open. I watch Peeta paint. 

"Katniss, why don't you try to rest, you must be tired." He asks me looking up from his painting. I just shake my head and stare at the floor. I feel Peeta come and sit behind me. He wraps his arms around me and lays by my side pulling up a blanket to my chin  
"Shh, try to sleep." He holds me and his chest warms my back. I refuse to sleep but Peeta's warmth is so soothing, I feel I might doze. A kiss from Peeta finally relaxes me enough so that I can't help it and I'm fast asleep. I wake up a few hour later in Peeta's arms safe and sound. He smiles and kisses my forehead.   
"Are you hungry?" He asks.  
I smell chicken soup and it sounds really good so I nod and Peeta gets me a bowl. I can, but Peeta insists on feeding me the soup and he is just being so kind, it makes me smile. He gives me another dose of medicine and it makes me tired again, so I lay in Peeta's arms and we watch television for a while. A couple is dressed up. It looks like a play. The kind where all the people sing. It's a romance and the man is singing now and the whole town is joining in. We watch it until I start coughing again and I take one more dose of the awful tasting syrup and then Peeta puts me to bed and I fall asleep.  
The weather got bad again and it has been snowing all day. Peeta has been nursing me and the terrifying dreams and the shivering has finally stopped. I have been knitting another blue scarf and Peeta paints the snow falling. He painted one of me by the window staring out at the falling flakes yesterday. I wish we could go out and play in it making snow angels and snowmen, but I'm still coughing so that might not be a smart idea. Just now I hear Peeta in the kitchen taking out a fresh batch of cheese buns. He has been baking them all week because that's all I feel like eating. I'm finally gaining the weight back that I lost and look like myself again. I'd rather be heavier than the starving looking emancipated way I looked last month. I smile as he brings me over a plate. Johanna was over this morning. She showed me the wedding dress that she just put the order in for. It's beautiful with pearl and silk and diamonds. And the veil shimmers like stars. She is so exited and so am I. I'm so happy for her and Adrian. Whenever they are together you cannot doubt that the love they share is true.   
We stay inside another day and watch the windy snow fall to the ground. I cook lunch, chicken with rice and vegetables in butter. It's good and Peeta and I clean up as I look out the window longingly. Just then I start another coughing spell. Peeta rubs circles on my back until I calm down.   
"When is this going to end?"   
"It'll be over soon, just the cough is hanging on now."I nod and I rest on the couch while Peeta bakes. The rest of the day drags on until finally it is time for bed. I'm starting to feel better now, the coughing has let up considerably since lunch but Peeta makes me take a dose of medicine to make sure I can sleep. I've been in my pajamas all day so I just jump into bed and snuggle next to Peeta's warm body. He feels so good next to me that I relax as I always do once he is near and fall asleep.


	27. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss is turning 21 and reflecting on her life. How things changed for her with the games her loses and gains. But Peeta is there to comfort her. ❤️   
> Thanks guys love and hugs ! I'm not ever giving up on this story!!!!!

HAPTER 27More Wedding Plans

I wake and feel Peeta's side of the bed shake. Adrenaline courses through me and I immediately sit up and call his name until he awakens from the nightmare.  
"Peeta wake up!"  
His eyes fly open and then he puts his hand over his eyes tense as stone. I wrap my arms around him and he relaxes. He sits up and kisses me hard on the lips holding onto me so tight I couldn't let go even if I wanted. He just holds onto me for a while and then relaxes resting his head back on the pillow. When I start smoothing his hair back he stares at me wide eyed. 

"Was it bad. . .this time, the nightmare?" I ask tentatively.He frowns a bit, "I'm alright now that I know your here and safe." "I'll always be here Peeta, I promise." I say kissing his forehead.  
Then he leans in putting his hand on the back of my head and pulls me into another kiss. His lips feel so warm and comforting I let him kiss me and hold onto me. I don't remember him ever being so intense. Some moments I think he is going to burst into tears, but he doesn't. I'm feeling so tired, but when I think of all the times Peeta has been there for me, I would feel guilty falling back to sleep. And he feels so good I could never refuse him anyway. So I push the tiredness aside and stay up with him. 

"Katniss? When did you start to love me, I mean really know you cared for me?" He asks I smile, "Well, I guess I knew when you first came back. I was afraid to lose you because I cared a lot about you and it seemed like all the people I ever loved left me. . ." I stop and think about those torturous days, "But I gave into you, guess I couldn't resist." I say grinning wryly.  
Peeta shakes his head and laughs, "Yeah right" "No really your persistence payed off, coming over every day even though I ignored you." 

"Well if I didn't stop by that night, I don't know what would have happened. You scared me so bad." Peeta creases his brow and stares downward and then back at me.   
"I'm sorry," I say thinking of that day Peeta found me bloody on the floor. "I'm glad you found me though."He smiles a little and puts his arms back around me.   
"Me too."  
We lay there in each others arms until I give in to sleep.

A few weeks have passed and now it is nice, warmer, it's been a while since we have had any snow and it seems like we have had the last snowfall of the season. Robins are singing outside, a sure sign that spring is here. I put on a black knit shirt and skip downstairs to join Peeta for breakfast. 

Peeta and I walk over to the bakery hand in hand. We talk about going for a hike and maybe having a picnic in the meadow for lunch. When we get there Tristan greets us, and we head on back to start the daily supply. I've been helping him with the baking. Today Peeta showed me how to make a French braid and I put a few of his pies in the oven. Before we know it Theo arrives and we head to the meadow. I can hear the mockingjays sing and the place is starting to come back to life. The trees are starting to get green again and I see the first dandelion of the year. I bend down to pick it and give it to Peeta. "Here."

He takes it from my fingers and twirls it in his. "A dandelion, that's what you picked up that day after I gave you the bread isn't it?"

"Yeah, it made me realize hope was not lost, that if I hunted I could save my family. . .it's my symbol of hope. You're kind of like that to me."   
Peeta blushes and hands me a sandwich he packed. When we're done eating we lay back in the warm grass and just watch the clouds and listen to the sounds of life. Birds chirping, the whistle of the leaves blowing, until I feel Peeta roll over and kiss me. I kiss him back and open my eyes. If I could capture this moment, the way Peeta looks against the sky I would, his hair shines and his eyes look at me like he'd be happy staring at me forever. He takes my pearl in between his fingers and kisses the spot where it rests on my neck. I sit up a little and he lays back next to me. I give him a light kiss on his forehead and smooth back his hair. "I love you."  
He grins and kisses me again, "I know."

Although I might get offended in any other situation by this remark I don't now, because that's all I want is for him to know that I care for him. So I lay next to him until I feel cold and we get up to head back. I spot Johanna on her porch looking at the sunset and we run over to join her.

"Hey." Peeta says "Hi guys, oh Katniss tomorrow we have to pick out your dress for the wedding." "Okay sure I'll come over." "Oh goody and Peeta you can come too."He shrugs and nods holding my hand tighter. "Okay."  
We sit with her to watch the sunset and then Peeta and I head on home.   
The air outside is warm so I leave the window open a bit. The walls make the room cold though so I light a fire. While Peeta gets ready for bed I look at the memory book.   
"Hi Prim," I say as I lay a kiss on her picture. With all this wedding talk I can't help think of Finnick and Annie's wedding. The beautiful cake Peeta made, dancing with Prim, it was all so happy. If only he could be here for Johanna. But I know he'd be thrilled for her. Just then I feel Peeta get in bed next to me and he touches my 

"I miss him too." He says. I nod. I owed Finnick so much, he died to protect me and the rebellion, saved Peeta when I couldn't, he was a good friend when I needed one. I never got to repay him. These thoughts send a pain through my chest that makes me have to close the book. 

"You know Katniss, he'd be proud of his family. Annie and Finnick Jr and of us too, that we finally got to be together. That Johanna found love. We have a lot to be thankful for."  
I wrap my arms around Peeta feeling so selfish because I am so glad I have him. I think of how Annie has to go on living without the man she loves and my heart aches for her. At least she has their baby, a piece of him. Peeta rests his head on mine and sighs, "You just have to think of the good things we have now, that's what the doctor told me. It helps." I look up into Peeta's clear blue eyes and kiss him long and hard. I try to memorize this feeling, like I'm light as a cloud and every worry, every care has been lifted off me. It feels so good I touch his face and kiss him again until I feel better and can relax. The next day we head over to Johanna's to look at more dresses and wedding details.   
"Oh how about this one Katniss?" 

Johanna says as she points to a green dress that flows down in waves that have blue on the tips. 

"It's beautiful." I agree   
"Adrian, Peeta, come over here, what do you think of this dress for Katniss?"Peeta nods and looks from the book to me and gives me a shy smile before his eyes flit away. Adrian agrees which is all Johanna needs to hear before she draws a big circle around the dress and writes down the order.   
I get up to stretch. We have been looking all morning at dresses and I could use some fresh air. I step outside and pick some daffodils that grow in the back of Johanna's and bring them inside. As I wipe my feet Peeta comes over. "Those smell so good, here I'll put them in a vase." He says as he takes the bouquet from me and arranges them in a blue glass vase.   
"I think that dress will be nice, it goes with the colors I'm making their cake with." I lean on the counter next to him as Johanna rushes in. "There, that's all taken care of thankfully. Ooh thanks for bringing in those, smells good." She says motioning to the flowers.  
I can't believe the wedding is less than a month away. I look out the window at the spring air and think of how this time of year I always counted down the days until my birthday so we could get more oil and grain. It's right around the time of year Peeta threw me the bread and saved us when we were starving. The first time I really recognized him, who would've known how different I'd feel about him now, when a few years ago I was reaped with him and prepared to kill him. I shake my head, I never could've hurt him, something inside me knew I couldn't and wouldn't anyway.

This year I will be twenty one. 

Could it all have started just five years ago? That we had our first Hunger Games and all the chaos began? It seems like more time has passed than that. Too much has happened. Too many people have died. . . but how I feel about Peeta has changed too. I guess I always did care for him, I just didn't, I wouldn't give into those feelings. Love was something I never intended on feeling towards anyone else but Prim. But somehow my feelings for the boy with the bread grew into something I couldn't ignore.

I smile thinking about how I've changed. In spite of all the pain and heartbreak, I've somehow survived. I look over at Peeta and can't help think its because of him. Peeta and I walk home after lunch and he spends the rest of the afternoon baking in the kitchen while I fix dinner. We all get together for supper though. Haymich, Johanna, Adrian, Peeta and me. We fix the recipe I got for the chicken in orange sauce. It's a dish I first had in the Capital and still love. We all talk about the wedding and plans for the spring. Some more builds in town, new homes for the more people that plan on moving here. Johanna is relieved that her invitations found everyone because about all of them have responded. 

When Peeta and I are alone I like it best. We eat a pastry glazed in frosting with our mug of spiced milk on the couch by the fire. It's really good. It's hard to see the sunset because it is so cloudy but we watched it through the window anyway. It's our routine and I like it. Then we will watch some television or read for a while before bed. Last month we watched Gale's wedding on television. It was a formal traditional wedding in Two, which I guess makes sense now that, that is Gale's home now. But they still sang our wedding song from Twelve which was nice. I'm glad Gale is happy and found someone else to care for, he deserves it. Tonight Peeta reads from a book of poems he likes. Peeta has such a nice speaking voice but I find that whenever he reads it dozes me off to sleep. It's a love poem that's really old. I fight the tiredness and stay awake until Peeta finishes tonight though. 

In the shower I start to think about my life here. I'm so glad that Peeta is better. I really need him to be okay, he's my lifeline. I couldn't cope with life when Peeta was in the Capital. But now he is alright. I take a deep breath and get out and dry off. I put on a cotton nightshirt and get in bed next to Peeta. He smiles and blows out his candle that's flame was blowing around in the breeze from the window. I snuggle up to his chest and he gives me a light kiss goodnight. "I love you." I mutter in his shirt and bring my arms up around his neck and kiss him. I feel Peeta's insides shutter and then relax. I hold onto his neck and then lay next to his chest and am lulled to sleep safe in Peeta's arms.


End file.
